friends.

Its a weird thing to move around a lot as a kid. Its not good for your sense of stability, or your ability to have lasting friendships. You learn a lot about people, how to make new friends and not get too attached because, God knows, you don't need to hurt more than necessary when you move again.

You go from town to town, state to state, trying to start over as a different person everywhere you go. You want to be popular and cool and stylish and smart. You want lots of friends who love you, who care about you. You want people to recognize you for extended service or hard work. Other people get these things, why can't you have them?

You get to live in the same place with the same friends for years and years. You did your transformation through your awkward stage there. You grew with people, fought with them, got them to love you, recognize you, need you. You become attached, and its great. You love it there. That is, you love it until you have to move.

You move two hours away, which is so different than what you're used too. You keep in touch with these people, you guys stay close, see each other when you can. You live for those visits. Until you realize that maybe the ties need to be broken so you can make friends here. Your friend calls you, and you ignore it. You don't compliment their shirt when you see them. You guys grow apart. When you see each other, you talk, but its not the same.

You start to make new friends, and you pray to God in heaven you won't have to move again. these new people have been with you through more changes, through heartbreaks and pain, through deaths and hurt. They've made you happy and you don't want to change any more. You keep in touch with the old people, a little bit.

You go to see the people, and you realize how much you missed them, how much you wish they were in your life! You tell them how great they are. They welcome you back, but you're only there for a day. You leave and you realize how much of an outsider you felt like there. How you don't know where you belong any more. Your heart just wants to break. You're so hurt they don't need you. You're so alone.

You get home and try to slip back into your life. it takes awhile. Every time this same thing happens. Every time the hurt is there, a little less, or sometimes a little more. But hey, you've tossed yourself around your whole life. Attachment is for losers.

Love from hanhan =]