Thoughts on dating as a Catholic Teen:

Okay. Here's a little background to this post. I'm Catholic(which, if you want, I'll clarify in comments). I believe in modesty, chastity, and putting my faith first. I'm 16 almost 17 and I've been dating for almost 1 1/2 years(in some form or another, it didn't start really counting until last year.

Anyway. I know a lot of parents are very against their children dating. They have rules like "not until you're 16!" "no dating until after college!" Or, as my parents joke, "No dating until you're 25!"(I set that rule myself as a 5 year old, since 25 was clearly the best number). Personally, I think these limits and rules against dating a terrible idea.

My parents used to say 16 is when I could start dating. My mother and I were always close though, and when a boy asked my to be his girlfriend when I was 14 ( seriously, no one just dates anymore!) and I said yes, she didn't break a sweat. Well, she might have, but she coped with it by being closer with me. She knew what was going on, so she trusted me. Turns out I didn't like the boy that much after a few months. But thats not the point of the story! the point is, she trusted me to let me make my own decisions and learn from them. I learned to be more particular about who I date. Another boyfriend taught me to not pretend to be someone I'm not. Another, the wrong type of guy to date and how to handle bad situations. Another, that I can't fix everyone. These seem negative, but they are not if you deal with them positively. I have learned more about myself and how to handle myself through dating than I would have otherwise. Also, dating is for discernment, for getting to find the right person, or for figuring out if marriage is your calling at all.

But darlings, this is about being a CATHOLIC teenager dating. And as a girl, do you know how hard it is to find nice catholic boys with personalities? It's basically impossible. You have to look really hard, and most of them end up going to the seminary, or being ugly( not to be shallow, but when you're 16 it kind of matters) or something ridiculous. And boys who are not nice Catholic boys? You worry whether they're going to accept you with your faith, or whether they're going to pressure you into being impure, or not understand why you can't usually hang out on Sundays. And boys, will it be really masculine for me to be at Adoration a lot? Will she still think i'm hot even though I'm an altar server? Does she expect me to be pushier? Honestly, it can be very stressful. But here's the thing guys/girls, if your faith is first in your life, the right people will find you. People who may not necessarily believe the same as you will respect your dedication. It might even be attractive to them.

Look, don't think that you HAVE to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Don't think you HAVE to even be interested right now. Don't break your parent's rules, DO discuss with them if you meet someone. The thing is, dating is great when you're a teenager. Its fun, and you learn. But never be anything but yourself. Don't feel self conscious telling your "bad boy" boyfriend that you have Mass on Sunday and can't chill. Don't tell your girlfriend that you don't actually wanna go to Adoration, but your mom is making you. Don't make your faith something to be ashamed of. Invite them to come too! My boyfriend of almost a year now is also Catholic( score!) and I go to Masses he serves at, he goes to ones I sing at. He comes to pray the rosary with my family. We go to Holy Hour at the seminary. Its okay for me to say, look, I don't want to do anything physical, and for him to say, thank God, me neither. Its okay to do whatever, because we're ourselves.

Its hard, but keep a hold on your faith. Keep a hold of your morals, and your self. Say no sometimes, be careful, have fun. Make sure you learn. Be good( your future husband will thank you for this)!Just be you. It'll all work out how God plans.

Essay for Ryan.

 “Get out of my dreams!” A little kid with dark hair and braces had come up to me and yelled this at me. He started to get frustrated, and be mad about how I was in his dream and he couldn't get me out, and I had better stay away tonight or else. I apologized, slightly amused and concered. Not really sure why this had happened, I went over to my mom and she explained that that was Ryan Barret. Over the next few weeks, I kind of got used to him coming up and telling me this every once in awhile, it was a little annoying and strange, but I had 2 little brothers, so it wasn’t really that out of the ordinary. While this was going on, he became friends with my brother, Hank.

Honestly, since Hank was about 8, I haven’t ever seen him much happier than those few short months after he and Ryan became friends. Since the two were in the same age group, and did the same stuff, things worked out well. I got a break from Hank, and then he came home and was happy. They played with legos, or joked around or something, I never knew what they did and Hank honestly never really talked about it afterwards, and I don't know if anyone asked him, in an effort not to hurt his feelings. I doubt such an easy and perfect friendship as theirs will ever be replicated.

People often talk about how special and wonderful special needs(autistic, down syndrome, the like) children are. This is true, they're a blessing. They're also stubborn, awkward, a little rude, and they make people uncomfortable, and no matter how much you say you think they're a blessing, it doesn't mean they're perfect. I remember Ryan saying things that didn't make sense and getting upset. I remember one time, my friend and I were in the basement of a friends house and he locked us down there. We yelled for him for 10 minutes to unlock it, uttering all the threats we could think of, and all he did was laugh. After he let us freak out for awhile, he unlocked the door. I'm not saying he was malicious, quite the opposite, this is a boy who would say Mass with sugar cookies all over the house, and play his guitar and sing loudly, and never forget to pray for the boys choir and his friends in it, and who would be kind to babies even though he didn't always get that he had to be gentle with them. I'm just saying that he was a challenge, but the challenge was worth it.

After Ryan's death, we, the teenagers had a lot of problems with guilt. We had loved him, obviously, but we had not loved him enough, or as he deserved to be loved. We had not treated him as we thought he now deserved, for people generally regret their actions after the opportunity to right them is gone. I felt like I had failed as an individual for not appreciating him for all his quirks, for not trying to understand him and just getting frustrated over stupid things. I'm not going to lie and say I instantly started appreciating people and understanding everything they did because of this. I'm not going to say I instantly remembered only the times when Ryan was sweet. I'm also not going to lie and say that Ryan is my only reason for changing and I became instantly and awesome human being. Thats an insult to him, to lie about that. He's affected a lot of people all at different levels and still changes people's hearts today through prayer and his story.

I still work on patience and understanding with kids. I still strive to improve and enjoy people while they're here with me. I still am not always kind and pleasant and appreciative. This makes it sound like I haven't changed at all, which is not the case. I try now, I pray more. I ask Ryan for help with my brother, the Autistic kids in CYO track, for help accepting people for who they are. I ask Ryan for courage to sing confidently at Mass. As time goes on, I'll probably become a better and better person. I pray that Ryan will forgive me for not being able to show him the love he deserved, and that he will ask God to grant me the grace to show other people the love they need.

( I had to write an Essay on a person who has made an impact on my life. For some reason, I felt the need to write about Ryan, who has changed so many lives. Sorry I haven't blogged for awhile)