Just so you know, you are going to get so much more than what you have now one day. One day you will be so much more than you are. You will one day find someone who loves you for everything you are, and until you find someone who can’t be without you, don’t settle. Adoring someone is not love, and when you finally realize that you’ll be closer to being happy. You are worth effort, time, love, happiness. Things DO get better. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. We do not exist to be sad, and one day, there will be happiness again. Do not give up hope in a better future. Make the better future happen.
Its a New Year soon. A New Beginning. Keep looking for the light, and pray. I don't care if you believe in God, maybe one day you will, and then you'll find the love you need, the purpose you desire, and the life you've only dreamed of.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
To all the beautiful people:
So basically to everyone. This is a note about what Hannah has come to really honestly understand this weekend. Which is a lot for one weekend.This is all stuff I knew, but I finally understand.
On Friday: I learned that people are difficult sometimes, but you need to work with them. I learned that some people are not always kind. I learned that you can't always understand people, but the best you can do is try. I learned that when raising money, have an actual good cause and catch the individual's attention because a lot of people simply assume someone else will take care of it (thats called the bystander effect!) I also learned that sometimes the best way to be there for people is to let them know you care, then let them deal.
On Saturday: I learned that you cannot actually fix all awkward situations, you do not have to like everyone, and you should never grow up to the point where you can't call people out for being awful. Also, its okay to love people and let them know what they mean to you. Its necessary. Its real, its important. Also, not everyone is like you. Thats okay.
On Sunday: This is kind of a big one for me since I've always believed this, but it just gets more and more important. Each person has value. Each person deserves a chance to live, to experience love in this world. Especially people who are different, who need more attention, who have special needs. They do not lose their dignity as a person because they have an extra chromosome, or because they can't see, or because they have difficulty in social situations. They may be difficult, they might not always seem like a heavenly blessing because they're stubborn, or annoying, or throwing fits, or more than you think you can handle, but they still are blessings.
"Do not forget that there are many children. many women, many men in this world who do not have what you have, and make sure that you love them, too, until it hurts." Blessed Teresa of Calcutta.
On Friday: I learned that people are difficult sometimes, but you need to work with them. I learned that some people are not always kind. I learned that you can't always understand people, but the best you can do is try. I learned that when raising money, have an actual good cause and catch the individual's attention because a lot of people simply assume someone else will take care of it (thats called the bystander effect!) I also learned that sometimes the best way to be there for people is to let them know you care, then let them deal.
On Saturday: I learned that you cannot actually fix all awkward situations, you do not have to like everyone, and you should never grow up to the point where you can't call people out for being awful. Also, its okay to love people and let them know what they mean to you. Its necessary. Its real, its important. Also, not everyone is like you. Thats okay.
On Sunday: This is kind of a big one for me since I've always believed this, but it just gets more and more important. Each person has value. Each person deserves a chance to live, to experience love in this world. Especially people who are different, who need more attention, who have special needs. They do not lose their dignity as a person because they have an extra chromosome, or because they can't see, or because they have difficulty in social situations. They may be difficult, they might not always seem like a heavenly blessing because they're stubborn, or annoying, or throwing fits, or more than you think you can handle, but they still are blessings.
"Do not forget that there are many children. many women, many men in this world who do not have what you have, and make sure that you love them, too, until it hurts." Blessed Teresa of Calcutta.
Monday, December 12, 2011
this has been a rant
Hello lovelies! Today I'd like to abandon any ideas of eloquence and rant about something. So here goes.
I really like clothes. And fashion. I'm that person who reads all those horribly written articles for pictures and tips and summaries of shows. I'm the person who says, OH, that color is SO IN this year(tangerine tango is actually the color in so you'll know if i'm lying). I may dress pretty boring but I still love crazy stuff. ANYWAY the issue I'm having is with everything in the fashion and beauty industry being so hard on women!
Okay, so you need us to buy your products. But is there another way to do that than bashing us for not being thin enough or pretty enough or having too short hair? Every other blog post or article talks about how "no one will know how many pieces of pumpkin pie you ate!" Why does it matter how much pie I eat? Why should I limit myself to fit into your ugly and unflattering dress, and then feel bad when I don't? I understand that we buy the dress, and we should be healthy, but the general rule of thumb for "good enough" to other women is being a size 4 or under, while statistics say that that most women in America are on average a size 12.
I get that thats a little bit...sad? that we've let ourselves grow so much. But still. Rather than continually marketing clothes that seriously compliment no existing human bodies, why are we not making pretty clothes for people who are actually self-conscious about their bodies without being terrible to them. All clothes marketed to women are said to "hide an unflattering tummy" or "hid your arms" "hide too big calves" "camouflage uneven cleavage" WHY ARE WE ENCOURAGED TO HIDE?
Look, not all people look like Victoria Secret Models(who, by the way, don't actually eat. They sometimes drink protein shakes. sometimes.). People are all differently beautiful, each in their unique way and they should not be encouraged to hide things as if they are not good enough. My midsection holds most of the organs keeping me alive, why should I care if my pie settles there? Would the extra holiday fat offend you?
Teach people to accept who they are. Make clothes that make people comfortable with who they are. Not clothes that make us uncomfortable and upset. rant ended.
I really like clothes. And fashion. I'm that person who reads all those horribly written articles for pictures and tips and summaries of shows. I'm the person who says, OH, that color is SO IN this year(tangerine tango is actually the color in so you'll know if i'm lying). I may dress pretty boring but I still love crazy stuff. ANYWAY the issue I'm having is with everything in the fashion and beauty industry being so hard on women!
Okay, so you need us to buy your products. But is there another way to do that than bashing us for not being thin enough or pretty enough or having too short hair? Every other blog post or article talks about how "no one will know how many pieces of pumpkin pie you ate!" Why does it matter how much pie I eat? Why should I limit myself to fit into your ugly and unflattering dress, and then feel bad when I don't? I understand that we buy the dress, and we should be healthy, but the general rule of thumb for "good enough" to other women is being a size 4 or under, while statistics say that that most women in America are on average a size 12.
I get that thats a little bit...sad? that we've let ourselves grow so much. But still. Rather than continually marketing clothes that seriously compliment no existing human bodies, why are we not making pretty clothes for people who are actually self-conscious about their bodies without being terrible to them. All clothes marketed to women are said to "hide an unflattering tummy" or "hid your arms" "hide too big calves" "camouflage uneven cleavage" WHY ARE WE ENCOURAGED TO HIDE?
Look, not all people look like Victoria Secret Models(who, by the way, don't actually eat. They sometimes drink protein shakes. sometimes.). People are all differently beautiful, each in their unique way and they should not be encouraged to hide things as if they are not good enough. My midsection holds most of the organs keeping me alive, why should I care if my pie settles there? Would the extra holiday fat offend you?
Teach people to accept who they are. Make clothes that make people comfortable with who they are. Not clothes that make us uncomfortable and upset. rant ended.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
I'm thankful for:
Leaves that look like flames
Houses with red doors
my favorite pen
the color of my grammie’s eyes
the shape of my mother’s
dresses that swish
little black shoes
My sisters’ smiles
My boyfriend’s hands.
My dad’s laugh
My brothers nerdiness
nicely done nails
warm coats
hot chocolate
hugs
friendly people
photo albums
comfy jeans
Bikes
hula hoops
pumpkin pies
interesting belts
adoptive family members
leather boots
good books
old things
a clean home
a messy room
nose dimples
laugh lines
Being catholic
exciting news
friends
fresh air
sun sets and sun rises
cute hats
baby smiles
love
life
faith
laughter.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
But monster's aren't real, right?
I sleep with the closet door closed. It has to be closed or I can't sleep.
I sleep with my bedroom door closed. It has to be closed or I cant sleep.
I sleep under a blanket at all times. All of me under it, including my face, or I can't sleep.
But monsters aren't real, thats just a story told to children to scare them into staying in bed.
Right?
One night I let my foot out of the blanket, just to see.
I imagined (I think) a giant spider crawling all over it, up to my face, coming to sink its teeth into my-
I woke up crying, and put my foot back someplace safer, shaking under my blankets.
But monsters aren't real, right?
One night, I left my closet door open by accident.
I kept imaging the clothes as people, coming to get me, a monster to scare me, ready to scream-
I screamed and shut the door. I watched it the rest of the night.
But monsters aren't real, right?
Dark thoughts for a kid but the dark inspires them.
We do not fear the dark, but what is in it.
But monsters aren't real, right?
(an obnoxiously weird poem from a girl whose afraid to say she's afraid of the dark. and whats in it.)
I'm possible.
Sometimes you're called to suffer for the Lord. Sometimes you need to simply smile and try to get on with life. Sometimes that seems impossible, but NOTHING is impossible! Except perhaps turning into a chicken. Or becoming the President of the USA if you're born in Uzbekistan. But things like being happy, facing people who are terrible, doing things that might make you uncomfortable, or even really scary things, like saying no, standing up for someone or your beliefs, or (at least for me some days) simply getting out of bed and facing the world, are possible.
Impossible
I'm possible.
AND I SHALL FINISH MY COLLEGE APPS LIKE ASAP
I'm possible.
LIKE MY PROJECT?
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
unpopular and fearless clarification.
” I’m catholic, but I don’t agree with their stance on gays!” “I’m catholic, but I don’t believe in their stance on sex!”
Okay, so could you stop being ignorant for two seconds and LOOK UP WHAT WE BELIEVE AND WHY.
Gays: As Catholics, we love and accept EVERYONE. If you’re judging people and not loving them and respecting their human dignity in any way, its YOU who are not living your faith. We love the gay people. We don’t love gay sex. We don’t love any sex unless its inside a marriage, which we define as between a man and a woman. If i was to go have sex with a guy outside of marriage, I’d be in trouble too. Unfortunately, if you’re gay, you may feel like a life of celibacy is stifling. BUT ITS NOT. God will give you different blessings and gifts besides sex. You just have to pray.
Sex: As I said before, Sex is great INSIDE marriage. In fact, JPII in the theology of the body talks a lot about how we’re made for it. but you have to pay attention to the fact that sex is a gift of self, which you can only truly give to your spouse after your wedding. otherwise its not a gift of self, its not about love, its about desires that you feel the need to have met. So you’re using the other person. In marriages, sex is only pure if it comes as a gift of self and from a real deep love. So, stop having sex outside marriage and then saying its okay to receive communion and not feel bad about it because its a mortal sin.
Now, if anyone wants more clarification on the faith and why we believe things on these issues, shoot me a message.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Thoughts on dating as a Catholic Teen:
Okay. Here's a little background to this post. I'm Catholic(which, if you want, I'll clarify in comments). I believe in modesty, chastity, and putting my faith first. I'm 16 almost 17 and I've been dating for almost 1 1/2 years(in some form or another, it didn't start really counting until last year.
Anyway. I know a lot of parents are very against their children dating. They have rules like "not until you're 16!" "no dating until after college!" Or, as my parents joke, "No dating until you're 25!"(I set that rule myself as a 5 year old, since 25 was clearly the best number). Personally, I think these limits and rules against dating a terrible idea.
My parents used to say 16 is when I could start dating. My mother and I were always close though, and when a boy asked my to be his girlfriend when I was 14 ( seriously, no one just dates anymore!) and I said yes, she didn't break a sweat. Well, she might have, but she coped with it by being closer with me. She knew what was going on, so she trusted me. Turns out I didn't like the boy that much after a few months. But thats not the point of the story! the point is, she trusted me to let me make my own decisions and learn from them. I learned to be more particular about who I date. Another boyfriend taught me to not pretend to be someone I'm not. Another, the wrong type of guy to date and how to handle bad situations. Another, that I can't fix everyone. These seem negative, but they are not if you deal with them positively. I have learned more about myself and how to handle myself through dating than I would have otherwise. Also, dating is for discernment, for getting to find the right person, or for figuring out if marriage is your calling at all.
But darlings, this is about being a CATHOLIC teenager dating. And as a girl, do you know how hard it is to find nice catholic boys with personalities? It's basically impossible. You have to look really hard, and most of them end up going to the seminary, or being ugly( not to be shallow, but when you're 16 it kind of matters) or something ridiculous. And boys who are not nice Catholic boys? You worry whether they're going to accept you with your faith, or whether they're going to pressure you into being impure, or not understand why you can't usually hang out on Sundays. And boys, will it be really masculine for me to be at Adoration a lot? Will she still think i'm hot even though I'm an altar server? Does she expect me to be pushier? Honestly, it can be very stressful. But here's the thing guys/girls, if your faith is first in your life, the right people will find you. People who may not necessarily believe the same as you will respect your dedication. It might even be attractive to them.
Look, don't think that you HAVE to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Don't think you HAVE to even be interested right now. Don't break your parent's rules, DO discuss with them if you meet someone. The thing is, dating is great when you're a teenager. Its fun, and you learn. But never be anything but yourself. Don't feel self conscious telling your "bad boy" boyfriend that you have Mass on Sunday and can't chill. Don't tell your girlfriend that you don't actually wanna go to Adoration, but your mom is making you. Don't make your faith something to be ashamed of. Invite them to come too! My boyfriend of almost a year now is also Catholic( score!) and I go to Masses he serves at, he goes to ones I sing at. He comes to pray the rosary with my family. We go to Holy Hour at the seminary. Its okay for me to say, look, I don't want to do anything physical, and for him to say, thank God, me neither. Its okay to do whatever, because we're ourselves.
Its hard, but keep a hold on your faith. Keep a hold of your morals, and your self. Say no sometimes, be careful, have fun. Make sure you learn. Be good( your future husband will thank you for this)!Just be you. It'll all work out how God plans.
Anyway. I know a lot of parents are very against their children dating. They have rules like "not until you're 16!" "no dating until after college!" Or, as my parents joke, "No dating until you're 25!"(I set that rule myself as a 5 year old, since 25 was clearly the best number). Personally, I think these limits and rules against dating a terrible idea.
My parents used to say 16 is when I could start dating. My mother and I were always close though, and when a boy asked my to be his girlfriend when I was 14 ( seriously, no one just dates anymore!) and I said yes, she didn't break a sweat. Well, she might have, but she coped with it by being closer with me. She knew what was going on, so she trusted me. Turns out I didn't like the boy that much after a few months. But thats not the point of the story! the point is, she trusted me to let me make my own decisions and learn from them. I learned to be more particular about who I date. Another boyfriend taught me to not pretend to be someone I'm not. Another, the wrong type of guy to date and how to handle bad situations. Another, that I can't fix everyone. These seem negative, but they are not if you deal with them positively. I have learned more about myself and how to handle myself through dating than I would have otherwise. Also, dating is for discernment, for getting to find the right person, or for figuring out if marriage is your calling at all.
But darlings, this is about being a CATHOLIC teenager dating. And as a girl, do you know how hard it is to find nice catholic boys with personalities? It's basically impossible. You have to look really hard, and most of them end up going to the seminary, or being ugly( not to be shallow, but when you're 16 it kind of matters) or something ridiculous. And boys who are not nice Catholic boys? You worry whether they're going to accept you with your faith, or whether they're going to pressure you into being impure, or not understand why you can't usually hang out on Sundays. And boys, will it be really masculine for me to be at Adoration a lot? Will she still think i'm hot even though I'm an altar server? Does she expect me to be pushier? Honestly, it can be very stressful. But here's the thing guys/girls, if your faith is first in your life, the right people will find you. People who may not necessarily believe the same as you will respect your dedication. It might even be attractive to them.
Look, don't think that you HAVE to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Don't think you HAVE to even be interested right now. Don't break your parent's rules, DO discuss with them if you meet someone. The thing is, dating is great when you're a teenager. Its fun, and you learn. But never be anything but yourself. Don't feel self conscious telling your "bad boy" boyfriend that you have Mass on Sunday and can't chill. Don't tell your girlfriend that you don't actually wanna go to Adoration, but your mom is making you. Don't make your faith something to be ashamed of. Invite them to come too! My boyfriend of almost a year now is also Catholic( score!) and I go to Masses he serves at, he goes to ones I sing at. He comes to pray the rosary with my family. We go to Holy Hour at the seminary. Its okay for me to say, look, I don't want to do anything physical, and for him to say, thank God, me neither. Its okay to do whatever, because we're ourselves.
Its hard, but keep a hold on your faith. Keep a hold of your morals, and your self. Say no sometimes, be careful, have fun. Make sure you learn. Be good( your future husband will thank you for this)!Just be you. It'll all work out how God plans.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Essay for Ryan.
“Get out of my dreams!” A little kid with dark hair and braces had come up to me and yelled this at me. He started to get frustrated, and be mad about how I was in his dream and he couldn't get me out, and I had better stay away tonight or else. I apologized, slightly amused and concered. Not really sure why this had happened, I went over to my mom and she explained that that was Ryan Barret. Over the next few weeks, I kind of got used to him coming up and telling me this every once in awhile, it was a little annoying and strange, but I had 2 little brothers, so it wasn’t really that out of the ordinary. While this was going on, he became friends with my brother, Hank.
Honestly, since Hank was about 8, I haven’t ever seen him much happier than those few short months after he and Ryan became friends. Since the two were in the same age group, and did the same stuff, things worked out well. I got a break from Hank, and then he came home and was happy. They played with legos, or joked around or something, I never knew what they did and Hank honestly never really talked about it afterwards, and I don't know if anyone asked him, in an effort not to hurt his feelings. I doubt such an easy and perfect friendship as theirs will ever be replicated.
People often talk about how special and wonderful special needs(autistic, down syndrome, the like) children are. This is true, they're a blessing. They're also stubborn, awkward, a little rude, and they make people uncomfortable, and no matter how much you say you think they're a blessing, it doesn't mean they're perfect. I remember Ryan saying things that didn't make sense and getting upset. I remember one time, my friend and I were in the basement of a friends house and he locked us down there. We yelled for him for 10 minutes to unlock it, uttering all the threats we could think of, and all he did was laugh. After he let us freak out for awhile, he unlocked the door. I'm not saying he was malicious, quite the opposite, this is a boy who would say Mass with sugar cookies all over the house, and play his guitar and sing loudly, and never forget to pray for the boys choir and his friends in it, and who would be kind to babies even though he didn't always get that he had to be gentle with them. I'm just saying that he was a challenge, but the challenge was worth it.
After Ryan's death, we, the teenagers had a lot of problems with guilt. We had loved him, obviously, but we had not loved him enough, or as he deserved to be loved. We had not treated him as we thought he now deserved, for people generally regret their actions after the opportunity to right them is gone. I felt like I had failed as an individual for not appreciating him for all his quirks, for not trying to understand him and just getting frustrated over stupid things. I'm not going to lie and say I instantly started appreciating people and understanding everything they did because of this. I'm not going to say I instantly remembered only the times when Ryan was sweet. I'm also not going to lie and say that Ryan is my only reason for changing and I became instantly and awesome human being. Thats an insult to him, to lie about that. He's affected a lot of people all at different levels and still changes people's hearts today through prayer and his story.
I still work on patience and understanding with kids. I still strive to improve and enjoy people while they're here with me. I still am not always kind and pleasant and appreciative. This makes it sound like I haven't changed at all, which is not the case. I try now, I pray more. I ask Ryan for help with my brother, the Autistic kids in CYO track, for help accepting people for who they are. I ask Ryan for courage to sing confidently at Mass. As time goes on, I'll probably become a better and better person. I pray that Ryan will forgive me for not being able to show him the love he deserved, and that he will ask God to grant me the grace to show other people the love they need.
( I had to write an Essay on a person who has made an impact on my life. For some reason, I felt the need to write about Ryan, who has changed so many lives. Sorry I haven't blogged for awhile)
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Summary of my experience at WYD
My WYD experience was, and will be one of the best I could ever have in my life. I feel like God has gotten to sink into the cracks of myself, addressed and soothed my fears and issues, and healed me in ways I can't describe. I feel truly blessed to have gotten to go on this trip and represent my Parish and country, and I feel so on fire with the Holy Spirit, I want to share this with everyone, and come to a deeper understanding myself. This adventure has had a profound effect on me, and I don't want to be the same as I was before, not at all.
P.S, there are three candles lit in Madrid, each with different intentions. Each of these to be prayed for by the people of Madrid, Spain, left there to be taken care of by a universal and powerful God. One of these candles is for you, who read about my trip, and for whoever has listened to me talk about it. Let God fill up your broken spaces, and set you on fire with love for Him, and the whole entire world.
P.S, there are three candles lit in Madrid, each with different intentions. Each of these to be prayed for by the people of Madrid, Spain, left there to be taken care of by a universal and powerful God. One of these candles is for you, who read about my trip, and for whoever has listened to me talk about it. Let God fill up your broken spaces, and set you on fire with love for Him, and the whole entire world.
Days 8/9 WYD
August 22nd
This is a quick recap of the day because I'm exhausted:
August 23d, last full day
Late night, early morning, Viva Espana!
Breakfast was quick, then a 20 minute Mass, then we met up with another group to finally go to the PRADO! Three tricky ticket terminals later ( say that 5 times fast!) we hopped on and off the Metro, and got in line for the Prado. The wait that at first seemed like it'd take forever went fast. I got in for free(WOOHOO MILITARY ID!) We saw beautiful original artwork by Rubens, Raphael, and a lot of other famous artists, Sculptures, a cloister, lunch. Then we went for icecream/cathedral hopping. We visited Madrid's old cathedral(beautiful) and its new one(strange).
At this point we were all half asleep, and Jessie and I could barely walk because of our legs, and we're hungry. Last Metro trip, then 15 minute walk to this place called Gino's. I had a pizza, it was amazing. Nom. then Hotel, packing, hanging out.
This is a quick recap of the day because I'm exhausted:
- 9AM breakfast
- 10 Nap
- 11 Mass
- 12, Mcdonalds for lunch
- 1-7:30, Shopping, tour of St. Isidore's(an incorruptable saint!)
- 7:30-8:30 Dinner at a restaurant at the plaza.
- 10:30, icecream run ( I ate an entire pint of Hagendaaz strawberry cheesecake, I have no shame.)
- 12-1, dance party, nbd.
August 23d, last full day
Late night, early morning, Viva Espana!
Breakfast was quick, then a 20 minute Mass, then we met up with another group to finally go to the PRADO! Three tricky ticket terminals later ( say that 5 times fast!) we hopped on and off the Metro, and got in line for the Prado. The wait that at first seemed like it'd take forever went fast. I got in for free(WOOHOO MILITARY ID!) We saw beautiful original artwork by Rubens, Raphael, and a lot of other famous artists, Sculptures, a cloister, lunch. Then we went for icecream/cathedral hopping. We visited Madrid's old cathedral(beautiful) and its new one(strange).
At this point we were all half asleep, and Jessie and I could barely walk because of our legs, and we're hungry. Last Metro trip, then 15 minute walk to this place called Gino's. I had a pizza, it was amazing. Nom. then Hotel, packing, hanging out.
Days 5/6/7 WYD
August 19th
Today we woke up at 8:30, ran to breakfast, grabbed a metro, and were almost late to catechesis. There was an awesome dance party, and amazing amazing talk by Archbishop Dolan, I went to confession with a Canadian priest who gave me much peace, the a beautiful Mass with over 350 priests, 50 bishops, and the archbishop celebrating( We totally freaked out over that because we love him more than the little monsters love Lady Gaga).
Lunch search involved lots of walking, a 30 minute wait at Burger King, a dash through the park, where we helped an Ohioan get her super important pass back! A quick talk with the group, then we left for stations of the cross with our Papa, the Pope. Some Italians directed us there, and other Italians gave us bananas.
Then we watched the most beautiful, moving, tear inducing, easiest to really understand stations of the cross I will ever witness. People from terrible places to be catholic carried the cross at each station, the music was heavenly and the pope was adorable, as usual. After that we caught the Metro, went to the Italian place, laughed a lot, ate good food. Now its 1:30 AM and we have to be up by 7AM For Mass and the 8 mile hike to campout. Peace!
August 20/21st?
I'm not actually going to write about this day because the only two phrases used by myself were, I'm hungry" and "I'm miserable". There was no sleep and complete disorganization but thats okay! The trip home was crazy too. ANYWAY.
Finally we got to the hotel, grabbed Mcdonalds, showered(YES!) chilled and slept. Then got ready for dinner with our bishop. REAL SPANISH FOOD! I was so tired. THEN WAS THE BEST PART OF THE WHOLE TWO DAYS. All of Rockville Diocese started playing Ride the Pony, which is the best and most pointless game ever to exist. People from Spain, Italy, France, all joined in an we played for literally an hour. It will never not be amazing and never will not be one of the best memories ever to exist. Now I'm tired, as I've had 5 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours. GOODNIGHT.
Today we woke up at 8:30, ran to breakfast, grabbed a metro, and were almost late to catechesis. There was an awesome dance party, and amazing amazing talk by Archbishop Dolan, I went to confession with a Canadian priest who gave me much peace, the a beautiful Mass with over 350 priests, 50 bishops, and the archbishop celebrating( We totally freaked out over that because we love him more than the little monsters love Lady Gaga).
Lunch search involved lots of walking, a 30 minute wait at Burger King, a dash through the park, where we helped an Ohioan get her super important pass back! A quick talk with the group, then we left for stations of the cross with our Papa, the Pope. Some Italians directed us there, and other Italians gave us bananas.
Then we watched the most beautiful, moving, tear inducing, easiest to really understand stations of the cross I will ever witness. People from terrible places to be catholic carried the cross at each station, the music was heavenly and the pope was adorable, as usual. After that we caught the Metro, went to the Italian place, laughed a lot, ate good food. Now its 1:30 AM and we have to be up by 7AM For Mass and the 8 mile hike to campout. Peace!
August 20/21st?
I'm not actually going to write about this day because the only two phrases used by myself were, I'm hungry" and "I'm miserable". There was no sleep and complete disorganization but thats okay! The trip home was crazy too. ANYWAY.
Finally we got to the hotel, grabbed Mcdonalds, showered(YES!) chilled and slept. Then got ready for dinner with our bishop. REAL SPANISH FOOD! I was so tired. THEN WAS THE BEST PART OF THE WHOLE TWO DAYS. All of Rockville Diocese started playing Ride the Pony, which is the best and most pointless game ever to exist. People from Spain, Italy, France, all joined in an we played for literally an hour. It will never not be amazing and never will not be one of the best memories ever to exist. Now I'm tired, as I've had 5 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours. GOODNIGHT.
WYD Days 3 and 4!
August 17th
Today was a very long day. We woke up at 7:30 after finally getting to sleep around 2, went to breakfast, then took the Metro to the very first day of Catechesis(which I can't spell!)! Catechises was held in a huge indoor stadium, for the english speaking pilgrims. Shortly after they started letting people in, it was so full, with over 12 thousand people, that they were turning others away. Everything was crazy, in the best possible way. The Sisters of Life and Knights of Columbus ran it, and the sisters gave 2 talks, followed by another talk from a Cardinal from Sydney, Australia, on reason and God and science, which was awesome. After that, we ran out, got lunch at a place caled telepizza, which incidentally, was always out of pizza and gave us sandwiches and water. Then we ran back to the hotel for a bus/walking tour of Avilla!
Our amazing tour guide was named Jerry. We learned the history, landmarks, saints, and art styles in and around Avilla.We toured the Cathedral, the city inside the walls, and the church built on top of St. Teresa's house, where we attended mass. Everything was absolutely breathtaking and I took a lot of pictures. A nap and a bus ride later, We made it back to Madrid just in time for a youth rally, where there was a lot of music and dancing and different flags and talks and people.
P.S Apparently McDonalds closes at 11:30 in Spain. Vips for dinner again. Also, can I mention again how gorgeous the Cathedral was?
August 18th
As I write this(in my journal, not the typed up version people are reading), we're siting on the side of the road, waiting for the pope, whose coming in 3 or 4 hours. Everyone is so excited, you can practically feel it in the very air around us. Also, a group of french boys climbed up in our marvelous shade tree about 8 feet up, and they're now dropping bark on us.
This morning after about 5 1/2 hours of sleep, we had breakfast and went to Catechises late. There was an amazing talk on Chastity and relationships, then a talk by the Bishop of Ontario. Then I almost passed out during Mass, which wasn't too fun. After a terrible lunch, and an overcrowded breakout session, we went to see the pope enter Madrid.
(later on in the evening)
Two crowded Metro stops and changes, 3 backpack chains, one quick turnaround and a patch of ground later, we were at a spot i the fence where we could sort of see the street the pope was to drive down, 5 hours later. Luckily, Spain knows how to party. So we danced, chanted, screamed, took pictures, laughed, yelled for aqua to be sprayed on us, and saw our Papa in the pope mobile, about 10 feet away from us. It was awe-inspiring.
We left shortly after, walked 4 metro stops, packed onto one, met south Koreans whose names are unpronounceable, but who were very cool. Fianlly, a little shopping, and a delicious dinner at an Italian place. Tonight we get to go to bed before 1! WHEEEE!
Today was a very long day. We woke up at 7:30 after finally getting to sleep around 2, went to breakfast, then took the Metro to the very first day of Catechesis(which I can't spell!)! Catechises was held in a huge indoor stadium, for the english speaking pilgrims. Shortly after they started letting people in, it was so full, with over 12 thousand people, that they were turning others away. Everything was crazy, in the best possible way. The Sisters of Life and Knights of Columbus ran it, and the sisters gave 2 talks, followed by another talk from a Cardinal from Sydney, Australia, on reason and God and science, which was awesome. After that, we ran out, got lunch at a place caled telepizza, which incidentally, was always out of pizza and gave us sandwiches and water. Then we ran back to the hotel for a bus/walking tour of Avilla!
Our amazing tour guide was named Jerry. We learned the history, landmarks, saints, and art styles in and around Avilla.We toured the Cathedral, the city inside the walls, and the church built on top of St. Teresa's house, where we attended mass. Everything was absolutely breathtaking and I took a lot of pictures. A nap and a bus ride later, We made it back to Madrid just in time for a youth rally, where there was a lot of music and dancing and different flags and talks and people.
P.S Apparently McDonalds closes at 11:30 in Spain. Vips for dinner again. Also, can I mention again how gorgeous the Cathedral was?
August 18th
As I write this(in my journal, not the typed up version people are reading), we're siting on the side of the road, waiting for the pope, whose coming in 3 or 4 hours. Everyone is so excited, you can practically feel it in the very air around us. Also, a group of french boys climbed up in our marvelous shade tree about 8 feet up, and they're now dropping bark on us.
This morning after about 5 1/2 hours of sleep, we had breakfast and went to Catechises late. There was an amazing talk on Chastity and relationships, then a talk by the Bishop of Ontario. Then I almost passed out during Mass, which wasn't too fun. After a terrible lunch, and an overcrowded breakout session, we went to see the pope enter Madrid.
(later on in the evening)
Two crowded Metro stops and changes, 3 backpack chains, one quick turnaround and a patch of ground later, we were at a spot i the fence where we could sort of see the street the pope was to drive down, 5 hours later. Luckily, Spain knows how to party. So we danced, chanted, screamed, took pictures, laughed, yelled for aqua to be sprayed on us, and saw our Papa in the pope mobile, about 10 feet away from us. It was awe-inspiring.
We left shortly after, walked 4 metro stops, packed onto one, met south Koreans whose names are unpronounceable, but who were very cool. Fianlly, a little shopping, and a delicious dinner at an Italian place. Tonight we get to go to bed before 1! WHEEEE!
WYD! intro, flight, first and second days.
Okay, So I've been putting it off, because I hate typing up written things, but here we go. In each post, I'll put one or two entries in my journal about WYD. Hopefully they'll all be done by tonight! Also, forgive the lack of anything fancy or lovely in the writing, I just wanted to jot it all down!
August 14/15th
Got chinese food at the airport, where we chilled for 3 hours, boarded, and sat on the plane for 32 more hours because of delays due to rain. Slept through awful plane dinner, had gross plane breakfast. Landed in Spain 7 hours later, made it through security no problem! At the airport, we directly got onto a sightseeing bus, where we all fell asleep. Before that, I happened to get to see how absolutely lovely everything in Spain is. Its not what you necessarily expect, but the older buildings were just...wow. The hotel is great, my roommate Becky and I have a little balcony, and the only channel in english is CNN, so we leave it on all the time. After we got to the room, we freshened up and went to a restaurant called VIPS for a snack before dinner. Next we went to Mass, then a meeting, and then we finally, at 9:30 we got to go look for food. Around 10, we found a Mcdonalds that would take our meal tickets. nomnomihatemcdonalds. I'm writing this in the hotel room with Becky. We're so exhausted, and I'm going through withdrawal from home/family/phone/friends. Time to sleep, breakfast at 8 tomorrow!
August 16th!
Today is the first official day of WYD, and we were supposed to go to the Prado art museum. Unfortunately, the tour company forgot to give us the passes. So we amused ourselves by wandering around Madrid, learning the Subway, and which flag belonged to what country. I met a ton of people, from South Korea to the Czech Republic. Wherever we walked, people would see our little American flag, and start chanting, " U-S-A! U-S-A!" then everyone would laugh and cheer and we'd find out where they were from.
As we were using meal vouchers, we could only go to specific places to eat. After adding half of the current population of this city in Pilgrims, those places were very, very crowded, lines are long, and people are thirsty/tired/hungry/hot/cranky.So we left the main square on the hugely overcrowded metro and ate VIPS for lunch. After lunch we came to the Hotel to relax for a little bit. Becky and I put on our full pilgrim gear( Yellow hat, orange fan, yellow shirt., colorful backpacks), then off the the welcoming Mass in the square.
While waiting, ( we couldn't see or hear the Mass), we played 10 games of 20 questions, talked to people from Poland, and made friends with Canadians! During the Mass, we tried to follow along as best as possible(P.S, Belgian people literally kiss you on both cheeks at peace) Then we joined the returning throng to go to get food and sleep near the hotel ( it was about 10:30 when we got to a metro with space, the pilgrims were so crowded.) Then the search for food was on! We actually got turned away from a place because they were out of food! Finally, we hit up a sketchy little family owned restaurant and had a really simple spanish sandwich( which is meat and bread, basically). I'm writing this at 12:30 and I have to get up in 6 hours. peace!
August 14/15th
Got chinese food at the airport, where we chilled for 3 hours, boarded, and sat on the plane for 32 more hours because of delays due to rain. Slept through awful plane dinner, had gross plane breakfast. Landed in Spain 7 hours later, made it through security no problem! At the airport, we directly got onto a sightseeing bus, where we all fell asleep. Before that, I happened to get to see how absolutely lovely everything in Spain is. Its not what you necessarily expect, but the older buildings were just...wow. The hotel is great, my roommate Becky and I have a little balcony, and the only channel in english is CNN, so we leave it on all the time. After we got to the room, we freshened up and went to a restaurant called VIPS for a snack before dinner. Next we went to Mass, then a meeting, and then we finally, at 9:30 we got to go look for food. Around 10, we found a Mcdonalds that would take our meal tickets. nomnomihatemcdonalds. I'm writing this in the hotel room with Becky. We're so exhausted, and I'm going through withdrawal from home/family/phone/friends. Time to sleep, breakfast at 8 tomorrow!
August 16th!
Today is the first official day of WYD, and we were supposed to go to the Prado art museum. Unfortunately, the tour company forgot to give us the passes. So we amused ourselves by wandering around Madrid, learning the Subway, and which flag belonged to what country. I met a ton of people, from South Korea to the Czech Republic. Wherever we walked, people would see our little American flag, and start chanting, " U-S-A! U-S-A!" then everyone would laugh and cheer and we'd find out where they were from.
As we were using meal vouchers, we could only go to specific places to eat. After adding half of the current population of this city in Pilgrims, those places were very, very crowded, lines are long, and people are thirsty/tired/hungry/hot/cranky.So we left the main square on the hugely overcrowded metro and ate VIPS for lunch. After lunch we came to the Hotel to relax for a little bit. Becky and I put on our full pilgrim gear( Yellow hat, orange fan, yellow shirt., colorful backpacks), then off the the welcoming Mass in the square.
While waiting, ( we couldn't see or hear the Mass), we played 10 games of 20 questions, talked to people from Poland, and made friends with Canadians! During the Mass, we tried to follow along as best as possible(P.S, Belgian people literally kiss you on both cheeks at peace) Then we joined the returning throng to go to get food and sleep near the hotel ( it was about 10:30 when we got to a metro with space, the pilgrims were so crowded.) Then the search for food was on! We actually got turned away from a place because they were out of food! Finally, we hit up a sketchy little family owned restaurant and had a really simple spanish sandwich( which is meat and bread, basically). I'm writing this at 12:30 and I have to get up in 6 hours. peace!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
tragedy misery, blahblahblah
Ever since I was very young, I've had this fascination with sadness. In my romanticized version of sadness, the heroines were always beautifully tearful and would have noble missions to overcome their sadness, and the men would undergo great quests with stony expressions and vows of silence or what not. It was all very poetic, an exquisite version of sadness that you really only find in storybooks. But thats what I wanted, or thought would one day happen. I would be an elusive yet beautiful being who was revered and pitied for the terrible things that happened to her, until a handsome prince would come and heal my poor broken heart, and whisk me away to a happier place. Such are the musings of over dramatic 12 year olds who read far too many books.
All the same, its this version of sadness I still picture when people tell me its okay to feel. And as much as I loved the tales of romance and tears, it never seemed to fit me. I could never wallow, or wait. As a girl who loved fairytales, and the princesses, the innocent love stories and sweet daydreams, I've become the opposite. I solve my own problems, and ignore the bad things, because they've happened, what can I do now?
This may seem like a good thing, and in some situations it is. But in real life, you can't be one extreme or the other. If you try, you'll just swing to the other extreme. Life is MESSY. it doesn't make sense. it doesn't follow an outline like Cinderella. It isn't always heartbreaking like the Little Mermaid(the original written version, not disney!), and it isn't always happy, although you may be taught to always be so. Apparently you have to just BE. You feel what you feel without apology.
And maybe what you feel seems like my tragic heroines. Thats okay too.
All the same, its this version of sadness I still picture when people tell me its okay to feel. And as much as I loved the tales of romance and tears, it never seemed to fit me. I could never wallow, or wait. As a girl who loved fairytales, and the princesses, the innocent love stories and sweet daydreams, I've become the opposite. I solve my own problems, and ignore the bad things, because they've happened, what can I do now?
This may seem like a good thing, and in some situations it is. But in real life, you can't be one extreme or the other. If you try, you'll just swing to the other extreme. Life is MESSY. it doesn't make sense. it doesn't follow an outline like Cinderella. It isn't always heartbreaking like the Little Mermaid(the original written version, not disney!), and it isn't always happy, although you may be taught to always be so. Apparently you have to just BE. You feel what you feel without apology.
And maybe what you feel seems like my tragic heroines. Thats okay too.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Be you, do you, do all things you.
"[quoting Marianne Williamson] Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
When I decided I wanted to get/make a mermaid tail, I got a ton of weird looks, and people teasing me. My best friend (jokingly, but still) my mother, my friends, family, everyone. But I still wanted to do it and I stuck with it, and made a mermaid tail. People still giggled. Next step was swimming in it. It must have been funny to watch me learn to do that, but still, I decided not to care what people said about that.
Now I started talking about the tail more, and showing it to people. Instead of people giggling at me for wanting to be a mermaid, I got a ton of messages about how cool it is from people I didn't even know, and how much they admired me for going in public with it and not caring what people thought.
Do you realize that you really could ASTONISH yourself and others if you just did what you wanted without listening to what others thought? that you could make peoples days, and inspire them to do similar things? Why do we insist on constantly doing what society deems "normal"? Is it that strange and terrifying to step out of our shells and be who we really are?
One of my favorite books is by Jerry Spinelli, its called Stargirl. This has something to do with this post because Stargirl, the main character in the book, is who we would be if we didn't limit ourselves, if we were not afraid to push away society. So I'll close with this quote, and hope that maybe one day, you can find the courage to be yourself, fully.
"She laughed when there was no joke. She danced when there was no music.
She had no friends, yet she was the friendliest person in school.
In her answers in class, she often spoke of sea horses and stars, but she did not know what a football was...
She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to a corkboard like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew."
When I decided I wanted to get/make a mermaid tail, I got a ton of weird looks, and people teasing me. My best friend (jokingly, but still) my mother, my friends, family, everyone. But I still wanted to do it and I stuck with it, and made a mermaid tail. People still giggled. Next step was swimming in it. It must have been funny to watch me learn to do that, but still, I decided not to care what people said about that.
Now I started talking about the tail more, and showing it to people. Instead of people giggling at me for wanting to be a mermaid, I got a ton of messages about how cool it is from people I didn't even know, and how much they admired me for going in public with it and not caring what people thought.
Do you realize that you really could ASTONISH yourself and others if you just did what you wanted without listening to what others thought? that you could make peoples days, and inspire them to do similar things? Why do we insist on constantly doing what society deems "normal"? Is it that strange and terrifying to step out of our shells and be who we really are?
One of my favorite books is by Jerry Spinelli, its called Stargirl. This has something to do with this post because Stargirl, the main character in the book, is who we would be if we didn't limit ourselves, if we were not afraid to push away society. So I'll close with this quote, and hope that maybe one day, you can find the courage to be yourself, fully.
"She laughed when there was no joke. She danced when there was no music.
She had no friends, yet she was the friendliest person in school.
In her answers in class, she often spoke of sea horses and stars, but she did not know what a football was...
She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to a corkboard like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew."
Monday, August 1, 2011
Beached mermaid
So today I took my tail to the beach to try it in the ocean (I couldnt swim in it in the ocean, almost got pulled out, but nbd.)
and then I sat on the beach. Little girls came up to me, and asked me about being a mermaid, parents took pictures of me, preteen boys came and asked me if I was real, and took pictures. I told everyone who asked where I got my tail I was born with it, and then, since I didn’t want to ruin the illusion for the little girls(they seriously honestly believed me) I scooted up the beach on my arms to our towels, where I slithered out of the tail underneath a blanket, and then ran off the beach. It was so awesome.
I love people.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
night time bike ride
I really like riding my bike. I love the way the road disappears under my tires, the feel of my muscles straining to push the pedal around and around. It makes me feel calmer, takes out my aggression, and gives me a sense of control. Generally, on my bike rides, the sun is up, and shining, and I'm on my way to do something productive( aka library trip/thriftshop trip/7/11 run, basically nothing productive.) But tonight I went at night. Because at night, everything is so much more real, and all your senses are heightened. I went with no goal or destination or anything.
Its funny, because in the day, you think everything is more awake and alive and active, and the night is sleepy and creepy, a time for ghosts and things that jump out from behind buildings screaming "BOO!". In reality, night is so much more friendly. Its peaceful, and quiet at first, but don't let that fool you. When you listen carefully, and open your eyes, its so full of life and noises and sights and feelings. The cool air, frogs hopping all over the street, snail trails in moonlight, shimmering as if to tempt you to follow them. The noises of crickets break the otherwise eerie silence, and make the night welcoming, chirping in a chorus as if to tell all of the silly humans that they don't need our attention to put on a marvelous show.
And then, you look up.You're allowed to do that at night, as the sky is much kinder to your eyes after the sun goes away. The stars will catch your interest, sparkling and twinkling, or shining constantly down on you. Make a wish, look for shapes, shooting stars, fireflies. Then look to the moon. The moon changes every day, sometimes less, sometimes more, sometimes completely gone, sometimes a full, pale, silvery circle hanging n the sky. There's a bunny in the moon, see if you can make it out. Or a man. Use your imagination.
Welcome the night. Its enchanted to meet you.
Its funny, because in the day, you think everything is more awake and alive and active, and the night is sleepy and creepy, a time for ghosts and things that jump out from behind buildings screaming "BOO!". In reality, night is so much more friendly. Its peaceful, and quiet at first, but don't let that fool you. When you listen carefully, and open your eyes, its so full of life and noises and sights and feelings. The cool air, frogs hopping all over the street, snail trails in moonlight, shimmering as if to tempt you to follow them. The noises of crickets break the otherwise eerie silence, and make the night welcoming, chirping in a chorus as if to tell all of the silly humans that they don't need our attention to put on a marvelous show.
And then, you look up.You're allowed to do that at night, as the sky is much kinder to your eyes after the sun goes away. The stars will catch your interest, sparkling and twinkling, or shining constantly down on you. Make a wish, look for shapes, shooting stars, fireflies. Then look to the moon. The moon changes every day, sometimes less, sometimes more, sometimes completely gone, sometimes a full, pale, silvery circle hanging n the sky. There's a bunny in the moon, see if you can make it out. Or a man. Use your imagination.
Welcome the night. Its enchanted to meet you.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Bullying.
Okay, so I need to discuss something.
I used to know this group of girls when I was younger. When I was nicer, more trusting, more insecure and awkward. These girls seemed to find that being mean to me because I was homeschooled and awkward and actually did my best and tried, was funny. Anything I did, they'd point out in cruelest way, and I, not knowing what I did to them to make them dislike me, would go home crying. They'd make fun of me for that too. I was not a graceful transition from adorable child to acceptable teenager/young adult. I wasn't socially awkward, I was just nice to people, whether or not they liked me, whether or not they had any other friends.
My mom used to tell me that they were just jealous, or that they must have had a bad day, or something like that. She used to say I'd feel better and they'd be nice later. And I kept hoping they would. I tried every day, to be nice, give out more chances, not cry before I got in the car. But they'd always find something (My feet, my braces, my hair, my homeschool-ness, the fact that I wouldn't gossip, I liked books, whatever) or do something just to make me unhappy or uncomfortable. This happened several times a week, for 3 years. Three years I cried so much, and lost little pieces of myself to their teasing, pieces that were very hard to get back.
People always tell you, "It'll get better!", or "You'll learn how to deal with it!" Neither of these are true. Those people, those bullies, may never get better. And its not your job to learn how to deal with it. You just have to get through it, and keep being yourself. One day you'll leave them, as they fake their way through life, tearing down other people because they don't like themselves. You, on the other hand, will be so much better than that, because you'll do what makes you happy.
I saw some of these girls a few weeks ago for the first time in 4 years. I'm not as awkward now, I've become myself again. It was funny, at first they didn't even recognize me. When they did, the looks they shot me could have killed. But I didn't care, not at all.
I used to know this group of girls when I was younger. When I was nicer, more trusting, more insecure and awkward. These girls seemed to find that being mean to me because I was homeschooled and awkward and actually did my best and tried, was funny. Anything I did, they'd point out in cruelest way, and I, not knowing what I did to them to make them dislike me, would go home crying. They'd make fun of me for that too. I was not a graceful transition from adorable child to acceptable teenager/young adult. I wasn't socially awkward, I was just nice to people, whether or not they liked me, whether or not they had any other friends.
My mom used to tell me that they were just jealous, or that they must have had a bad day, or something like that. She used to say I'd feel better and they'd be nice later. And I kept hoping they would. I tried every day, to be nice, give out more chances, not cry before I got in the car. But they'd always find something (My feet, my braces, my hair, my homeschool-ness, the fact that I wouldn't gossip, I liked books, whatever) or do something just to make me unhappy or uncomfortable. This happened several times a week, for 3 years. Three years I cried so much, and lost little pieces of myself to their teasing, pieces that were very hard to get back.
People always tell you, "It'll get better!", or "You'll learn how to deal with it!" Neither of these are true. Those people, those bullies, may never get better. And its not your job to learn how to deal with it. You just have to get through it, and keep being yourself. One day you'll leave them, as they fake their way through life, tearing down other people because they don't like themselves. You, on the other hand, will be so much better than that, because you'll do what makes you happy.
I saw some of these girls a few weeks ago for the first time in 4 years. I'm not as awkward now, I've become myself again. It was funny, at first they didn't even recognize me. When they did, the looks they shot me could have killed. But I didn't care, not at all.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
"After all this time?"
"Always."
Okay, so I don't generally like Alan Rickman, who plays Snape in the Harry Potter movies. His voice just really makes me irritated( I have this thing with voices, some I really like, and some have tthat quality I just have to deem atrocious.) I remember one time I was listening to a book read by him and I never liked it after that because of his voice. BUT.
HE WAS SO GOOD IN THE NEW HARRY POTTER MOVIE I ALMOST COMPLETELY FORGAVE HIM FOR HIS ANNOYING VOICE. Seriously, it was probably one of the most heartfelt, real performances I've ever seen in a movie. it broke my heart to watch it, and yet I want to see it over and over again.
anyone wanna get me the movie as soon as it comes out/take me to see it again?
Anyone wanna bring me more Snickers ice cream bars? I ate an entire pack over two days.
Biked 19 miles, taught a swim lesson, cleaned half my house, tanned my stomach a shade darker than blinding white, ate Snickers icecream bars. SUCCESSFUL DAY.
Okay, so I don't generally like Alan Rickman, who plays Snape in the Harry Potter movies. His voice just really makes me irritated( I have this thing with voices, some I really like, and some have tthat quality I just have to deem atrocious.) I remember one time I was listening to a book read by him and I never liked it after that because of his voice. BUT.
HE WAS SO GOOD IN THE NEW HARRY POTTER MOVIE I ALMOST COMPLETELY FORGAVE HIM FOR HIS ANNOYING VOICE. Seriously, it was probably one of the most heartfelt, real performances I've ever seen in a movie. it broke my heart to watch it, and yet I want to see it over and over again.
Anyone wanna bring me more Snickers ice cream bars?
Biked 19 miles, taught a swim lesson, cleaned half my house, tanned my stomach a shade darker than blinding white, ate Snickers icecream bars. SUCCESSFUL DAY.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
ocean.
Rushing swirling crazy twirling.
Ducking laughing screaming diving
whoosh, crash, boom, splash.
pulls you under, water blue, water green, sand, shells, crabs, feet.
Nature is stronger than you think.
Screams of fear, terror, delight?
Exhilarated to win this small fight.
Spin, stuck, trapped, safe,
Nature is stronger than you think.
Playing on the oceans edge, who are we fooling?
Danger is even here, lurking.
I love the thrill of the water.
Nature is stronger than you think.
Ducking laughing screaming diving
whoosh, crash, boom, splash.
pulls you under, water blue, water green, sand, shells, crabs, feet.
Nature is stronger than you think.
Screams of fear, terror, delight?
Exhilarated to win this small fight.
Spin, stuck, trapped, safe,
Nature is stronger than you think.
Playing on the oceans edge, who are we fooling?
Danger is even here, lurking.
I love the thrill of the water.
Nature is stronger than you think.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Thoughts from Places.
As I went on my rides with a bike stolen/borrowed from my cousin, I kept thinking about my mom, and her life there before me.
I went past the church where she was baptized, confirmed, married; where she was in weddings, and cried at funerals. I went past the cemetery where she watched her dad, grandparents, aunts and uncles be buried, where they would go from being pieces of her to some dusty old bones buried 6 feet under ground. I went past her high school and elementary school, where she grew up and learned about math and english, friends, rumors, boys. I met her friends from her “past life”, apparently my mother and I could have been twins.
I wonder if when she was growing up, she was like me. If she was trying to do that right thing, held back her tears too often, had inflated opinions of herself, worried about her future, laughed easily, read too many books, and wanted someone to need her?
Norwalk is small, one of the million little towns in America. It has 5 churches(I counted), a Firelands bank(called firelands because the land here was given to people from Connecticut whose homes were burned down by fire during a war.), small businesses, homes, families, schools, hair salons, moms, dads, children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, pets. Everyone knows everyone, their history, business, secrets. Everyone has things to deal with, and a life to live.
Its different there. People say hello, and make a conversation when they sit on their front porch, whether or not they know you. Their “traffic” is when instead of being the only car at a light, there are 3. The closest anything is 25 miles away. People are content though, with small things and big hearts. They take care of each other. My mother is like that in every place we’ve lived. Maybe she learned it there. Maybe I’m like her in that respect too.
lovelovelove,
hanhan
I went past the church where she was baptized, confirmed, married; where she was in weddings, and cried at funerals. I went past the cemetery where she watched her dad, grandparents, aunts and uncles be buried, where they would go from being pieces of her to some dusty old bones buried 6 feet under ground. I went past her high school and elementary school, where she grew up and learned about math and english, friends, rumors, boys. I met her friends from her “past life”, apparently my mother and I could have been twins.
I wonder if when she was growing up, she was like me. If she was trying to do that right thing, held back her tears too often, had inflated opinions of herself, worried about her future, laughed easily, read too many books, and wanted someone to need her?
Norwalk is small, one of the million little towns in America. It has 5 churches(I counted), a Firelands bank(called firelands because the land here was given to people from Connecticut whose homes were burned down by fire during a war.), small businesses, homes, families, schools, hair salons, moms, dads, children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, pets. Everyone knows everyone, their history, business, secrets. Everyone has things to deal with, and a life to live.
Its different there. People say hello, and make a conversation when they sit on their front porch, whether or not they know you. Their “traffic” is when instead of being the only car at a light, there are 3. The closest anything is 25 miles away. People are content though, with small things and big hearts. They take care of each other. My mother is like that in every place we’ve lived. Maybe she learned it there. Maybe I’m like her in that respect too.
lovelovelove,
hanhan
Thursday, June 23, 2011
outside.present.here.
Today I went outside.
I heard: the rain, dripping off trees, down the drain, on the grass. My sisters talking about lacrosse and blueberries. My neighbors yelling in their garage.
I saw: Towels draped over the railing, the way my dad hates, Wet tress, wet cars, my baby sister with her baby stroller, blonde hair sparkling because of the rain caught in her unbrushed wild strands.
I tasted: Coffee on my tongue from earlier, its sweet, carmel, bitter aftertaste haunting my mouth like an unhappy ghost.
I smelled: wet grass, the smell of a storm, which is dangerous and yet remarkably peaceful, salty beach smells, coffee on my breath, the clean smell of everything that happens after/during rain.
I felt: damp all over, moisture on my skin and clothes. The weave of my chair on my calves and back and shoulders, a stretch in my hip and side, my phone vibrating in my life, pen solid in between three fingers, notebook, flimsy, metal spirals hard, digging grooves into my hand, paper smooth and comforting and safe.
Go outside and really be present.
Write me on of these in the comments!
Love,
hanhan <3
I heard: the rain, dripping off trees, down the drain, on the grass. My sisters talking about lacrosse and blueberries. My neighbors yelling in their garage.
I saw: Towels draped over the railing, the way my dad hates, Wet tress, wet cars, my baby sister with her baby stroller, blonde hair sparkling because of the rain caught in her unbrushed wild strands.
I tasted: Coffee on my tongue from earlier, its sweet, carmel, bitter aftertaste haunting my mouth like an unhappy ghost.
I smelled: wet grass, the smell of a storm, which is dangerous and yet remarkably peaceful, salty beach smells, coffee on my breath, the clean smell of everything that happens after/during rain.
I felt: damp all over, moisture on my skin and clothes. The weave of my chair on my calves and back and shoulders, a stretch in my hip and side, my phone vibrating in my life, pen solid in between three fingers, notebook, flimsy, metal spirals hard, digging grooves into my hand, paper smooth and comforting and safe.
Go outside and really be present.
Write me on of these in the comments!
Love,
hanhan <3
Sunday, June 19, 2011
silence.
We're a culture afraid of silence and stillness.
There's always something to distract us. Music playing, phone buzzing, book open, computer on 500 different tabs, food being eaten friends and family to talk to, we're constantly communicating or doing something. "I'm busy!" you say. You might be busy, you probably are. But even as we go to sleep, we have something to keep us distracted. We're terrified. Scared of the quiet that surrounds us, and the thoughts that lie there, waiting to pounce on us and torture us and drive us insane. So we cover them, bury them deeper and deeper, never facing them, with the constant motion and distractions.
You can't be afraid of thoughts. Face them. Accept the truths you keep trying to suffocate and deal with them, otherwise your life is a lie.
And that is more terrifying than any amount of silence.
love,
hanhan ;3
There's always something to distract us. Music playing, phone buzzing, book open, computer on 500 different tabs, food being eaten friends and family to talk to, we're constantly communicating or doing something. "I'm busy!" you say. You might be busy, you probably are. But even as we go to sleep, we have something to keep us distracted. We're terrified. Scared of the quiet that surrounds us, and the thoughts that lie there, waiting to pounce on us and torture us and drive us insane. So we cover them, bury them deeper and deeper, never facing them, with the constant motion and distractions.
You can't be afraid of thoughts. Face them. Accept the truths you keep trying to suffocate and deal with them, otherwise your life is a lie.
And that is more terrifying than any amount of silence.
love,
hanhan ;3
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
pathetic.
Okay. So, I generally don't care about a lot of things, I used to care so much, and now I just give up. I don't even try. Its pathetic, and my life is becoming less of what I want it to be. I don't say whats on my mind, because I might hurt someone, and who am I to judge them anyway? Its not a good thing.
My friends, my boyfriend, my family, they're all passionate. I have no passion. I love my family, I love my boyfriend, I love my friends and if someone says or does something to them I'll hurt that person in any way I possibly can. But outside of that, I have no passions. So I'm basically failing at life.
I'm not talented, because I don't try. I'm not beautiful, because I stopped caring and cut off all my hair and like food and weird clothes. I want to be beautiful, special, I want to be valuable and talented, I want to matter, to have a purpose. BUT I DON'T BECAUSE I SUCK AT LIFE.
someone instill me with passions?
P.S: this is not a "cry for help" or a"I'm so sad my life sucks because I'm a failure compliment me pleaseee!" I'm not looking for your sympathy or compliments. but this is my blog and I write what I like about whats on my mind. KAY?
Love,
the pathetic one, hanhan <3333
My friends, my boyfriend, my family, they're all passionate. I have no passion. I love my family, I love my boyfriend, I love my friends and if someone says or does something to them I'll hurt that person in any way I possibly can. But outside of that, I have no passions. So I'm basically failing at life.
I'm not talented, because I don't try. I'm not beautiful, because I stopped caring and cut off all my hair and like food and weird clothes. I want to be beautiful, special, I want to be valuable and talented, I want to matter, to have a purpose. BUT I DON'T BECAUSE I SUCK AT LIFE.
someone instill me with passions?
P.S: this is not a "cry for help" or a"I'm so sad my life sucks because I'm a failure compliment me pleaseee!" I'm not looking for your sympathy or compliments. but this is my blog and I write what I like about whats on my mind. KAY?
Love,
the pathetic one, hanhan <3333
Monday, May 30, 2011
Whoosh.
Whoosh. Crash. I shake my head as I pop out of the clear blue-green water, salt on my lips, hair slick, my little sister's hand in my own. She smiles at me, and laughs as a littler wave comes and whacks me in the face when I'm not paying attention.The water is cold, but not cold enough to make you shiver. The salt tingles on my cheeks, and another wave rolls up, foamy and white at the crest, maybe a foot above my head. JUMP! I smack my chest into it and a feeling of euphoria spreads through me. My little brother splashes me with the sea water, and my dad calls to him, "Merboy! leave your sister alone."
"Dad!" I'm shouting over the water and smiling like an idiot, jumping over waves as they come. " Dad, Hollis is a rat, not a merman." Everyone smiles and giggles and another wave comes, bigger than the rest, but I don't dive in time and it sweeps me with it in its course for the shore. This is my favorite thing about the beach. Sand swirls, limbs are everywhere, a jumble of body parts. Is that a sand crab or a shell? Seaweed in my hair, lungs begging for air. Finally, the wave lets me come up. Most people are scared by this, terror is all they feel when they almost drown in nature's roller coasters. I run out, and dive right back into the cool clear water, reminded how much I am in love with life, ready for the next wave.
"Dad!" I'm shouting over the water and smiling like an idiot, jumping over waves as they come. " Dad, Hollis is a rat, not a merman." Everyone smiles and giggles and another wave comes, bigger than the rest, but I don't dive in time and it sweeps me with it in its course for the shore. This is my favorite thing about the beach. Sand swirls, limbs are everywhere, a jumble of body parts. Is that a sand crab or a shell? Seaweed in my hair, lungs begging for air. Finally, the wave lets me come up. Most people are scared by this, terror is all they feel when they almost drown in nature's roller coasters. I run out, and dive right back into the cool clear water, reminded how much I am in love with life, ready for the next wave.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
In three words.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."~Robert Frost.
It goes on.
Sorry guys, I have a month of school left and I've been so busy. I'll get back to more blogging soon!
It goes on.
Sorry guys, I have a month of school left and I've been so busy. I'll get back to more blogging soon!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
What makes the difference?
"You believe in coincidence. I believe in Jesus." <= this quote has nothing to do with the post, I just like it.
Today is Ryan's 16th birthday, and I know all of us on the earth still miss him a lot. A death is hard, no one knows how to react, and how to deal with a life that is lost, and you aren't ready for it. A person's life, their words, their smiles, everything that makes them them, affects someone else, possibly unexpectedly. I know when Ryan died, we lost a voice during rosary, the sound of him on guitar, someone to lock us in the basement and not tell anyone where we were, my brother's best friend. But the thing is, Ryan's still with us, if in a different capacity. Nobody doubts that Ryan is a saint, in heaven with God. As a saint, Ryan can continue to change peoples lives for the better. The memory of him, prayers for his intercession, they're all powerful and they can change things, even though his body isn't on earth anymore.
Some things don't make sense when they happen. Some things make you feel like God is punishing you, or being cruel, or doesn't even exist. It still doesn't make sense to me why some people have to leave the earth so young, but I can see good coming out of the bad. Its the difference you make, that's the value of a life. If you can touch at least one person, then you have done well in life. Even after he's gone, Ryan's life is still making a difference to people. So celebrate the life.
I pray to Ryan for help with the Autistic kids in track, or special needs kids, my voice(musical things) or my brother when he's moody(they were very good friends). I'm pretty sure he's help with anything though.
St. Ryan Barret, pray for us!
Today is Ryan's 16th birthday, and I know all of us on the earth still miss him a lot. A death is hard, no one knows how to react, and how to deal with a life that is lost, and you aren't ready for it. A person's life, their words, their smiles, everything that makes them them, affects someone else, possibly unexpectedly. I know when Ryan died, we lost a voice during rosary, the sound of him on guitar, someone to lock us in the basement and not tell anyone where we were, my brother's best friend. But the thing is, Ryan's still with us, if in a different capacity. Nobody doubts that Ryan is a saint, in heaven with God. As a saint, Ryan can continue to change peoples lives for the better. The memory of him, prayers for his intercession, they're all powerful and they can change things, even though his body isn't on earth anymore.
Some things don't make sense when they happen. Some things make you feel like God is punishing you, or being cruel, or doesn't even exist. It still doesn't make sense to me why some people have to leave the earth so young, but I can see good coming out of the bad. Its the difference you make, that's the value of a life. If you can touch at least one person, then you have done well in life. Even after he's gone, Ryan's life is still making a difference to people. So celebrate the life.
I pray to Ryan for help with the Autistic kids in track, or special needs kids, my voice(musical things) or my brother when he's moody(they were very good friends). I'm pretty sure he's help with anything though.
St. Ryan Barret, pray for us!
Monday, May 9, 2011
COUNTRY MUSIC
So I'm listening the country Music and this song comes on and it goes: "DOOO I NEED TO GIVEE UP AND GET ON WITH MY LIFEEEE?"...
And I just hear my brother go very quietly....
"probably?"
Funniest moment of the day.
And I just hear my brother go very quietly....
"probably?"
Funniest moment of the day.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Dear Mom...
Dear Mom,
Thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for me. Thank you for :
Thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for me. Thank you for :
- Listening
- Fighting
- Advice
- Clothes
- Tips
- Being there
My mom is amazing, honestly. My mother has been there for me more than anyone ever, more than my friends. She's the only person who I let help me when I break down and can;t deal with things, she's always there to listen, no matter what. She makes me food, and reminds me to go for a walk so I don't get fat. She talks me out of bad fashion choices (not that her's are that great :]) by giving me her "look" and mentioning that, "Well, I wouldn't wear that...". My mother tells me things about when she was my age and older, stories that remind me that she's human, shows me that she trusts me, and that she knows what she's talking about. She's a strong and confident and beautiful woman.
Before I was born, she was a Marine, and she fought in Desert Storm/Sand. She could run marathons, and do hundreds of situps, make good looking guys pretend to be her boyfriend just by asking, and she basically succeeded in life. I hope one day, I can be like her, strong, confident, happy, comfortable in my own skin. She's funny, witty, intelligent, strong in her faith and supportive.
Without my mom's support, I probably wouldn't have written this blog, done half the things I tried, learned how to wear makeup appropriately, learned how to talk to boys and have an actual healthy relationship. I wouldn't have ever had the shoulder I needed to cry on, the stability and the trust in my life thats so necessary to my sanity. I would have been sad a lot more, and unable to function as much as I do. I wouldn't even be homeschooled if it wasn't for her support. She let me do what I wanted, and let me get hurt and learn from it, even when she knew it was going to happen, because I needed to learn it for myself.
Dear mommy, I hope we have many years of Nanny reruns, Hallmark movies, walks, rosaries, old movies, stories, sharing, learning to cook, shopping (even though your hopeless<3), Singing loud and offkey together, laughing, hula hooping, talking in the laundry room, rants in the car, patience, happiness, and learning. You are the best ever, and I thank God everyday that I got you as my mother.
My mommy and me
Monday, May 2, 2011
aaaaand another long day.
I may not be beautiful.
I may not always be right.
I may not always be fun to be around.
I may be a moody insecure mess sometimes.
But I'm here.
WHEREVER THAT MAY BE. anyway, I'm like super tired. I woke up at 6 AM today >.< and went to a lab and did math in the morning then did work at home then shopped for hamlet costumes and bought green skinny jeans? whatever. And then I went to CYO, and it was pretty eventful towards the end. Then I ran, and walked home. So lots of walking, no shleep ever, and got to see my biffleee(which made life suck less).
Anyway. Guys, I'll be writing a long post soon. There's been a lot on my mind lately due to recent events(not with me, with other people I'm close with, in case you were worried. you probably weren't.) And so, I go to stretch because I am in pain. And wait for my nightly phone call. And do pushups or something. And more math. AHADHFHKJHDGLJD. Bye.
love you guys so much,
hanhan <3
I may not always be right.
I may not always be fun to be around.
I may be a moody insecure mess sometimes.
But I'm here.
WHEREVER THAT MAY BE. anyway, I'm like super tired. I woke up at 6 AM today >.< and went to a lab and did math in the morning then did work at home then shopped for hamlet costumes and bought green skinny jeans? whatever. And then I went to CYO, and it was pretty eventful towards the end. Then I ran, and walked home. So lots of walking, no shleep ever, and got to see my biffleee(which made life suck less).
Anyway. Guys, I'll be writing a long post soon. There's been a lot on my mind lately due to recent events(not with me, with other people I'm close with, in case you were worried. you probably weren't.) And so, I go to stretch because I am in pain. And wait for my nightly phone call. And do pushups or something. And more math. AHADHFHKJHDGLJD. Bye.
love you guys so much,
hanhan <3
Thursday, April 28, 2011
"pistachio nut" -Kate Nash
"Who I love is you
You are the most unpretentious
The most fun, most exciting
I want to spend most of my time with you
Because you are the most worthwhile
You are the most cute, clever, and stupid
Hungry, energetic, passionate, scared, interesting
Like a film, made up person
I want to drink cream, eat chocolate
Get that nice suprise when the butter is un-salted
Eat salt out of the packet
Scream till I am blue in the face
Meet French people, go to the pictures
Show you my cobbled streets
Meet everybody that you could ever meet
Just so that they know that you are my best friend
And that you belong to me
Yeah, I know you think she's cute and funny
But er, actually she is not an I, she is a we
A united nation of absolute nonsense
A community, neighbourhood watch
Firestation, theme park, space, time and energy
Talent, beauty, my best friend
They don't love you like I love you
The End"
Okay so lately I am obsessed with Kate Nash, whose this British pop singer, because I have no life. Anyway, this is a part of a poem she wrote for her Best friend, and I thought it was so perfect to describe how I feel about my best friends, whom I love a ridiculous amount. Specific shout outs to my girls, TF ( there's been times when we were each others only actual friends because it seemed like everyone else sucked, and I'm going to miss her when she leaves for college<3) Becky(Click to go to her blog!) , CS (We've had our rough patches but you truly are fantastic) MY HOMESCHOOLERS (Suze, Mary, Allie, and various other people who will never see this but should know I love them already ;]
Kay. love fest over for now <3333333
lovelovelove(guess the lovefest wasn't over...)
hanhan
PS, how cute is it that she called the poem pistachio nut? i love british people so much.
You are the most unpretentious
The most fun, most exciting
I want to spend most of my time with you
Because you are the most worthwhile
You are the most cute, clever, and stupid
Hungry, energetic, passionate, scared, interesting
Like a film, made up person
I want to drink cream, eat chocolate
Get that nice suprise when the butter is un-salted
Eat salt out of the packet
Scream till I am blue in the face
Meet French people, go to the pictures
Show you my cobbled streets
Meet everybody that you could ever meet
Just so that they know that you are my best friend
And that you belong to me
Yeah, I know you think she's cute and funny
But er, actually she is not an I, she is a we
A united nation of absolute nonsense
A community, neighbourhood watch
Firestation, theme park, space, time and energy
Talent, beauty, my best friend
They don't love you like I love you
The End"
Okay so lately I am obsessed with Kate Nash, whose this British pop singer, because I have no life. Anyway, this is a part of a poem she wrote for her Best friend, and I thought it was so perfect to describe how I feel about my best friends, whom I love a ridiculous amount. Specific shout outs to my girls, TF ( there's been times when we were each others only actual friends because it seemed like everyone else sucked, and I'm going to miss her when she leaves for college<3) Becky(Click to go to her blog!) , CS (We've had our rough patches but you truly are fantastic) MY HOMESCHOOLERS (Suze, Mary, Allie, and various other people who will never see this but should know I love them already ;]
Kay. love fest over for now <3333333
lovelovelove(guess the lovefest wasn't over...)
hanhan
PS, how cute is it that she called the poem pistachio nut? i love british people so much.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
"What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person"
Two thoughts today. thats right, only two! the first one focuses mainly on the quote in the title line, which I took from John Green's Paper Towns, which was a fantastic book and I'd highly recommend it, just be careful as it does have some crude parts and I think language. But it was really well written. Anyway, "what a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person." This is true in a lot of ways. Firstly, I think that I should point out that although I am a firm believer in the sacredness of person-hood, I feel that there is a limit. A person is not a god. They cannot be everything to you. Their opinions and thoughts and words and actions should never be the only thing that spins the world. We have a God in heaven for that, and we don't need to place all our Self worth in someone's hands. Secondly, people make mistakes, they have flaws and they aren't always doing things in your best interest, and to perfect them and make them this wonderfully perfect un-flawed being in our minds is dangerous. When they let you down(as they will, don't doubt it, kind of like Daisy let down Gatsby..hmmm...) you will get hurt, and everything will be truly miserable.Understand? People are people, make mistakes, not God. 1st thought now fin.
Next thought. Why do we undervalue human life ( I know, weird especially after my first thought of today.)? When I talk about this, I;m mainly focusing on issues like abortion, euthanasia, and anything in which an embryo(THATS A BABY GUYS) is grown in a test tube or petri dish and then killed for "research". Today at my DNA lab at Stonybrook, a very sweet looking graduate gave us a talk an tissue engineering, which in some ways is interesting if not morally confusing. Honestly, when she was talking about the advances being made with different stem cells, I was really interested and it seems like a great thing. The Adult Stem cells were very successful and stable in the experiments and I think are already being used to help heal people. Unfortunately, they're now researching embryonic stem cells, which are more unstable and work less often. The poor girl kept tripping and saying baby instead of fetus or embryo, and it just makes me wonder if people realize how wrong they're being?
People's lives are all valuable, whether they're old or very young. "A person's a person no matter how small!"(Horton Hears A Who, Dr. Seuss.) There's been a lot of dehumanizing going on lately, all over for several years now. I am not one of those crazy people who think this is all a conspiracy to make us fall into slavehood for the man, but I do think that people should realize the precious gift of human life, be it the very old/sick/feeble, or the very young, who honestly have no voice to speak(On the note of abortion, if you're a woman who says its your right, cuz its your body, to kill your unborn child, there is a 50% chance that child is a male, in which case there is a penis in your uterus, which is not a female body part, thus making it not your body to kill. Just saying.)
Two thoughts done now. Han's tired. She just got home from a trip yesterday and slept for 5 hours before going to a lab, coming home, doing school, rehearsal, exhaustion, goodnight. May you all have a pleasant tonight and tomorrow! I'm going jump rope. And hula hoop. I'm five. FUN TIMES.
Next thought. Why do we undervalue human life ( I know, weird especially after my first thought of today.)? When I talk about this, I;m mainly focusing on issues like abortion, euthanasia, and anything in which an embryo(THATS A BABY GUYS) is grown in a test tube or petri dish and then killed for "research". Today at my DNA lab at Stonybrook, a very sweet looking graduate gave us a talk an tissue engineering, which in some ways is interesting if not morally confusing. Honestly, when she was talking about the advances being made with different stem cells, I was really interested and it seems like a great thing. The Adult Stem cells were very successful and stable in the experiments and I think are already being used to help heal people. Unfortunately, they're now researching embryonic stem cells, which are more unstable and work less often. The poor girl kept tripping and saying baby instead of fetus or embryo, and it just makes me wonder if people realize how wrong they're being?
People's lives are all valuable, whether they're old or very young. "A person's a person no matter how small!"(Horton Hears A Who, Dr. Seuss.) There's been a lot of dehumanizing going on lately, all over for several years now. I am not one of those crazy people who think this is all a conspiracy to make us fall into slavehood for the man, but I do think that people should realize the precious gift of human life, be it the very old/sick/feeble, or the very young, who honestly have no voice to speak(On the note of abortion, if you're a woman who says its your right, cuz its your body, to kill your unborn child, there is a 50% chance that child is a male, in which case there is a penis in your uterus, which is not a female body part, thus making it not your body to kill. Just saying.)
Two thoughts done now. Han's tired. She just got home from a trip yesterday and slept for 5 hours before going to a lab, coming home, doing school, rehearsal, exhaustion, goodnight. May you all have a pleasant tonight and tomorrow! I'm going jump rope. And hula hoop. I'm five. FUN TIMES.
Monday, April 18, 2011
thats the wonderful thing about people....
Their stories.
I've always been obsessed with stories. My entire life.
Books
Fairytales
People
Honestly, I love other peoples lives. They fascinate me. I want to hear about them, I want to know people thoughts on things, their secrets, what they do that makes them who they are. In my books(just to note, I recently did a little counting in my head and I think I've read 50 so far this year...which is not enough), I get to see other people, look at their lives...AND NOT LIVE MY OWN LIFE EVER? jk.
But really, peoples secrets are so fascinating. And confusing. sometimes they make me forget reality and get lost in someone else's world, which I feel like could be a bad thing. sometimes.
In reality:
Testing this morning, I remembered how much I absolutley abhorred mornings. 7AM WAKING UP IN THE MORNING GOTTA GET DRESSED GOTTA GO DOWNSTAIRS BLAHBLHABLAH its not friday, nevermind.
After testing we went to Mass, rearranged my voice lesson(looks like I'm biking there. to Lindenhurst. great.)
Came home, was fed finally, and read. (re read 5-8 of the Princess Diary Books. Don't judge me. Finishing the last one tonight!!!!)
Biked my sister to Soccer, and now I have to pick her up :p and go to...
CYO THE MOST BLISSFULLY WONDEROUS THING EVER. jk, the Enormous creeper mustache is there...BUT SO IS T SO NBD.
anyway. I have apples. And books. I am content.
love love love, Hanhan
P.S, writing my book is becoming difficulter. which isn't a word. I don't care.
I've always been obsessed with stories. My entire life.
Books
Fairytales
People
Honestly, I love other peoples lives. They fascinate me. I want to hear about them, I want to know people thoughts on things, their secrets, what they do that makes them who they are. In my books(just to note, I recently did a little counting in my head and I think I've read 50 so far this year...which is not enough), I get to see other people, look at their lives...AND NOT LIVE MY OWN LIFE EVER? jk.
But really, peoples secrets are so fascinating. And confusing. sometimes they make me forget reality and get lost in someone else's world, which I feel like could be a bad thing. sometimes.
In reality:
Testing this morning, I remembered how much I absolutley abhorred mornings. 7AM WAKING UP IN THE MORNING GOTTA GET DRESSED GOTTA GO DOWNSTAIRS BLAHBLHABLAH its not friday, nevermind.
After testing we went to Mass, rearranged my voice lesson(looks like I'm biking there. to Lindenhurst. great.)
Came home, was fed finally, and read. (re read 5-8 of the Princess Diary Books. Don't judge me. Finishing the last one tonight!!!!)
Biked my sister to Soccer, and now I have to pick her up :p and go to...
CYO THE MOST BLISSFULLY WONDEROUS THING EVER. jk, the Enormous creeper mustache is there...BUT SO IS T SO NBD.
anyway. I have apples. And books. I am content.
love love love, Hanhan
P.S, writing my book is becoming difficulter. which isn't a word. I don't care.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
I need to apologize because the majority of my writing is sad, or bad or whiney. Its just that the happier things, I can talk about those and do stuff with them. The bad things, I need an outlet and unfortunately for you guys thats my blog. I also feel overwhelmed right now. BUT. I'm working on it, so positive posts soon. Sorry guys. Really.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
loved. past tense?
"And pray for her soul, and those people who loved her."
When people die, why do we use the past tense of the word love? Because their bodies are in the ground and so we cannot "love" them anymore? Because everything that made them, them, everything you loved is gone, shut out like a light?
People can't just leave like they've never been. A basic law of science says that energy cannot be destroyed or created, but the form can be changed. before you freak out and think I'm saying clearly human beings are reincarnated(I'm not, I don't believe in that), let me explain.
Every life has some effect on someone or on something. Every life has a purpose, even if we don't understand it. Think about it. Also, read the below book! (Warning: not suggested for younger people, be careful with it as it has some questionable things and language, but absolutely beautiful writing .)
Also, pray for my Great Aunt as she passed away today. And my adopted grandparents, cause they have some hard times. And One of my CCD kid's mothers, she's very sick. Thank you guys, you're amazing.
love from hanhan <3
P.S: Hanhan's trying to write a book. It's going to be a long process, so If i write less on here its not because i don't love you guys <3
When people die, why do we use the past tense of the word love? Because their bodies are in the ground and so we cannot "love" them anymore? Because everything that made them, them, everything you loved is gone, shut out like a light?
People can't just leave like they've never been. A basic law of science says that energy cannot be destroyed or created, but the form can be changed. before you freak out and think I'm saying clearly human beings are reincarnated(I'm not, I don't believe in that), let me explain.
Every life has some effect on someone or on something. Every life has a purpose, even if we don't understand it. Think about it. Also, read the below book! (Warning: not suggested for younger people, be careful with it as it has some questionable things and language, but absolutely beautiful writing .)
Also, pray for my Great Aunt as she passed away today. And my adopted grandparents, cause they have some hard times. And One of my CCD kid's mothers, she's very sick. Thank you guys, you're amazing.
love from hanhan <3
P.S: Hanhan's trying to write a book. It's going to be a long process, so If i write less on here its not because i don't love you guys <3
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Dear head coach:
Kay. Rant time.
If you have no skills with children, why do you run a track program for them? You play favorites and get frustrated easily, and don't listen to anyone besides yourself because clearly you know best of all. Which you don't because you just piss people off and scare them or creep them out. Then if one of your not-favorites does something bad, you punish them. If one of your favorites does something bad, they get away with it, no big deal. A 1st grader hits another one by accident, and since she's not your favorite, or related to a favorite of yours, then she gets penalized. This is completely unfair and biased and a total double standard, and well as just stupid because they're first graders, so don;t go around calling it "physical abuse". I'm not saying its acceptable to hit people at all, but you didn't even call her MOTHER to deal with it. Neither of the parents were notified and thats completely unacceptable. Had I been there coaching(I wasn't because you get mad at us for coming on days that are not our "assigned days") maybe this wouldn't have happened at all, or maybe she would have been swinging her arms anyway. These are little children, not little robots, or adults. And you don't understand them at all. Nor do you care.
Peace out,
hanhan
If you have no skills with children, why do you run a track program for them? You play favorites and get frustrated easily, and don't listen to anyone besides yourself because clearly you know best of all. Which you don't because you just piss people off and scare them or creep them out. Then if one of your not-favorites does something bad, you punish them. If one of your favorites does something bad, they get away with it, no big deal. A 1st grader hits another one by accident, and since she's not your favorite, or related to a favorite of yours, then she gets penalized. This is completely unfair and biased and a total double standard, and well as just stupid because they're first graders, so don;t go around calling it "physical abuse". I'm not saying its acceptable to hit people at all, but you didn't even call her MOTHER to deal with it. Neither of the parents were notified and thats completely unacceptable. Had I been there coaching(I wasn't because you get mad at us for coming on days that are not our "assigned days") maybe this wouldn't have happened at all, or maybe she would have been swinging her arms anyway. These are little children, not little robots, or adults. And you don't understand them at all. Nor do you care.
Peace out,
hanhan
alas, alack.
I should change this back to confused and loving it. Or make it confused and miserable. THE MADNESS HAS NO METHOD AS OF LATE. None at all.
If you have a possible method for my madness, please let me know in a comment? Thank you darlings.
Love from your terrible blogger because she hasn't written in forever and is a lazy butt who sleeps all day,
Hanhan
If you have a possible method for my madness, please let me know in a comment? Thank you darlings.
Love from your terrible blogger because she hasn't written in forever and is a lazy butt who sleeps all day,
Hanhan
Monday, March 21, 2011
don't ever doubt
Please don't ever doubt that you're beautiful.
Don't ever doubt that you're loved.
Don't ever doubt that you're valued.
Don't ever doubt that you were made to do amazing things.
Don't ever doubt that you're loved.
Don't ever doubt that you're valued.
Don't ever doubt that you were made to do amazing things.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
sunlight, cats, st. pat, and grapes...?
My sister has renamed my little kitties. Not something cute like sweetie or baby, oh no. Princess Pee a lot. and Fat Ferren. My sister is a five year old fairy princess who enjoys wrestling, attacking people twice her size, and hitting on my boyfriend. Yup. Good times! Also, I put the phone in the refrigerator this morning. Lord only knows why >.<
So I went outside today, and I've decided today is a good day :] Except my bike needs to be fixed. BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE I'M FINALLY STARTING TO FEEL BETTER AND NOT AWFUL. THANK HEAVEN FOR SUNLIGHT WITHOUT THE SUN TODAY I WOULD HAVE SHRIVELED UP LIKE A ROTTING GRAPE AND CRIED EVERY DAY INTO MY GRAPEY SELF. And then I'd have no friends ever again. So I'm happy for the sun.
Less books and movies, more long walks or adventures or seeing people, anything that involves more movement and happy things and I think I shall continue my path to not being a stick in the mud and a moody pain in the butt.
BTW St. Patty's day!
So I went outside today, and I've decided today is a good day :] Except my bike needs to be fixed. BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE I'M FINALLY STARTING TO FEEL BETTER AND NOT AWFUL. THANK HEAVEN FOR SUNLIGHT WITHOUT THE SUN TODAY I WOULD HAVE SHRIVELED UP LIKE A ROTTING GRAPE AND CRIED EVERY DAY INTO MY GRAPEY SELF. And then I'd have no friends ever again. So I'm happy for the sun.
Less books and movies, more long walks or adventures or seeing people, anything that involves more movement and happy things and I think I shall continue my path to not being a stick in the mud and a moody pain in the butt.
BTW St. Patty's day!
Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.
Have a great Day today, don't forget to smile. And Enjoy Spring <3
Love from hanhan :]
P.S My nails are pale pink...not red...how strange! I love it. ALSO. My mother made greeen chocolate chip cookies <333333
P.S My nails are pale pink...not red...how strange! I love it. ALSO. My mother made greeen chocolate chip cookies <333333
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
7 times 70 times...
Let it go.
Whatever is bothering you, just let it go. Whoever you're holding a grudge against, let it go. If there's a chip on your shoulder, brush it off. Rather than fighting and alienating everyone and your relationships and destroying your happiness, just let it go.
Great advice right?
Unfortunately, this, like most of the things I want to be able to just do, is easier said than done. I am a generally forgiving person, and I generally let a lot of things go, or slide. But there are things, usually the dumbest, most inconsequential, little things, that just completely piss me off, and make me so angry. They ruin my mood for days, and I will hold it against you until you fix it. I will fight with you over a word slip, or even apologizing too much,
I know this is bad. I'm working on it. I've gotten a little better. But everything sucks when you're holding a grudge or fighting with someone that you absolutely adore and hate to be without. So of course, the only way to get over this is to get really angry, fight for a few days, and then pray everything straightens itself out. And watch as it does just that.
When people who have an actual regard for each other fight, people who care about each other (at least in my experience with friends and family), they will find a way to make things better. No one wants to cause a loved one pain, or make them hurt or upset. so we apologize, and grovel, do whatever it takes pretty much. Which seems pathetic in theory, but in actuality takes more strength than just holding a grudge.
So I guess what I'm saying is, Forgive and learn from the problem, and then drop it. That's more admirable and mature than stubbornly remaining upset and hurt. I'm usually really bad at this. But maybe for Lent, this could be one of my projects...hmm...God does love forgiveness....
Anyway sweethearts, this was more rambling, but I wanted to write and talk to you guys. If you want to share your thoughts on this, or a story, post a comment or send me a facebook message! I'd love to hear more from you.
lovelovelove your work-in-progress, sloth-loving, stair-climbing, rant-typing,
hanhan <3
P.S: Please pray for the people in Japan, and those who were affected by the earthquake and the tsunamis.
P.P.S: Please pray for everyone picking out a college, I'm going to miss my friends terribly.
P.P.P.S: Please pray for me. I could really use some prayers right now.
Whatever is bothering you, just let it go. Whoever you're holding a grudge against, let it go. If there's a chip on your shoulder, brush it off. Rather than fighting and alienating everyone and your relationships and destroying your happiness, just let it go.
Great advice right?
Unfortunately, this, like most of the things I want to be able to just do, is easier said than done. I am a generally forgiving person, and I generally let a lot of things go, or slide. But there are things, usually the dumbest, most inconsequential, little things, that just completely piss me off, and make me so angry. They ruin my mood for days, and I will hold it against you until you fix it. I will fight with you over a word slip, or even apologizing too much,
I know this is bad. I'm working on it. I've gotten a little better. But everything sucks when you're holding a grudge or fighting with someone that you absolutely adore and hate to be without. So of course, the only way to get over this is to get really angry, fight for a few days, and then pray everything straightens itself out. And watch as it does just that.
When people who have an actual regard for each other fight, people who care about each other (at least in my experience with friends and family), they will find a way to make things better. No one wants to cause a loved one pain, or make them hurt or upset. so we apologize, and grovel, do whatever it takes pretty much. Which seems pathetic in theory, but in actuality takes more strength than just holding a grudge.
So I guess what I'm saying is, Forgive and learn from the problem, and then drop it. That's more admirable and mature than stubbornly remaining upset and hurt. I'm usually really bad at this. But maybe for Lent, this could be one of my projects...hmm...God does love forgiveness....
Anyway sweethearts, this was more rambling, but I wanted to write and talk to you guys. If you want to share your thoughts on this, or a story, post a comment or send me a facebook message! I'd love to hear more from you.
lovelovelove your work-in-progress, sloth-loving, stair-climbing, rant-typing,
hanhan <3
P.S: Please pray for the people in Japan, and those who were affected by the earthquake and the tsunamis.
P.P.S: Please pray for everyone picking out a college, I'm going to miss my friends terribly.
P.P.P.S: Please pray for me. I could really use some prayers right now.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I've lately been on a mission to come to grips with a few things, like:
~I'll never understand everything and everyone
~You can't change the past
~You can't handle everything on your own
~People are not all horrible creatures who want to ruin your life forever
~You can't solve everyone's problems for them
~Your version of NORMAL is different
Yes. I'm really dramatic and pathetic. I get that I'm irritating. But lawdy lawd! There's always so much to learn and accept! You know, when I became a teenager, I was not warned it would mean so much learning and changing and growing and confusion -.-
On the bright side(because, there is ALWAYS a bright side!) The more I learn and grow the better I feel, and the better I interact with people around me. Also, i totally got to waste my morning reading Artemis Fowl <3 I think I missed a new book though, so I have to go back and read it. YAY FOR LIBRARIES. Also, you know what's been making me riock back and forth giggling like a freak? Sparklife articles. very funny. that was totally unrelated.
~I'll never understand everything and everyone
~You can't change the past
~You can't handle everything on your own
~People are not all horrible creatures who want to ruin your life forever
~You can't solve everyone's problems for them
~Your version of NORMAL is different
Yes. I'm really dramatic and pathetic. I get that I'm irritating. But lawdy lawd! There's always so much to learn and accept! You know, when I became a teenager, I was not warned it would mean so much learning and changing and growing and confusion -.-
On the bright side(because, there is ALWAYS a bright side!) The more I learn and grow the better I feel, and the better I interact with people around me. Also, i totally got to waste my morning reading Artemis Fowl <3 I think I missed a new book though, so I have to go back and read it. YAY FOR LIBRARIES. Also, you know what's been making me riock back and forth giggling like a freak? Sparklife articles. very funny. that was totally unrelated.
I love sloths. the end.
lovelovelove, hanhan :]
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
AHH ONE WHOLE YEAR AHHH
FIREWORKS
Why the fireworks? Well dear readers, today is my blog's birthday! I'VE KEPT THIS UP FOR ONE WHOLE YEAR! So to celebrate, there are fireworks! And joy! And lots of happy things!
Yup, I'm immensely excited about the one year birthday of this blog <3 Thank you everyone who read my posts, and who stuck with me during this year. It was defiantly a learning year, and this blog helped me through a lot. Special thanks to Tori, who makes me write posts when I am just SO not in the mood.
And to think this started because I wanted a place to put my pants story.(Which is not my first post on this blog, but I wrote it first :] )
song by Lenka because its a beauteous adorable thing
Smile <3
Love love love hanhan :]
Monday, March 7, 2011
and I've really only been awake and moving for 2 hours!
So how does one come back from a morning such as this?
My house is ridiculously noisy and everything is bothering me. I woke up to my sisters screaming at each other for half an hour. I went to shower and my towel was soaked by them. Got a new towel and the water was cold. Came downstairs and had soup and my sister took most of it. My brother's video game music has been playing for about an hour or two and its annoying. My mother made me go sit with the screaming children while she read little kid books and took up my morning. my cat scratched me. My brothers are obnoxious. Bagpipe music, not good. My mom's new computer blocker is blocking EVERYTHING. I'm in a thoroughly bad mood, and I've only been up for 2 and 1/2 hours. Yay for bad mornings!
peh.
~hanhan
(on the bright side, tomorrow is this blogs one year anniversary! woohoo!)
My house is ridiculously noisy and everything is bothering me. I woke up to my sisters screaming at each other for half an hour. I went to shower and my towel was soaked by them. Got a new towel and the water was cold. Came downstairs and had soup and my sister took most of it. My brother's video game music has been playing for about an hour or two and its annoying. My mother made me go sit with the screaming children while she read little kid books and took up my morning. my cat scratched me. My brothers are obnoxious. Bagpipe music, not good. My mom's new computer blocker is blocking EVERYTHING. I'm in a thoroughly bad mood, and I've only been up for 2 and 1/2 hours. Yay for bad mornings!
peh.
~hanhan
(on the bright side, tomorrow is this blogs one year anniversary! woohoo!)
Thursday, March 3, 2011
How much are you worth anyway?
I have to say something about self worth, and how people affect it. And about how much more you are actually worth than you think. (In my following story, I'm going to be a complete cliche, and I trust you guys not to judge me too harshly.)
When I was a freshman in high school ( which is a hugely vulnerable time in your life while you're still forming ideals and having thoughts and in which I would discourage "relation boats", as my nemesis once put them), I met a boy, blah blah blah. Over that year, and part of the next(when I actually dated him), I started to put a huge amount of my self worth in this boy's hands..err...paws? whatever. Anyway, he was, in my eyes, the only one to decided whether I was beautiful, whether I was smart, whether I was talented, pretty much whether I was worth anything. I let him dictate whether or not I was good enough, and when he cheated on me and then dumped me for another girl (over facebook, but thats beside the point), it was a huge blow.
I hate to admit it, but I was a wreck. I HATE being a cliche teenager, but this is what happened and it hurt, and this is coming from someone who doesn't really like emotions in general. I spent the year after that trying to fix myself, to figure out everything and be me again. And it was hard and it sucked a lot but it happened. I learned a lot though, from that horrible thing, and now, I actually have found people who treat me like I deserve to be treated. Do you know how you deserve to be treated?
Think this way. God made you. He planned you out from the beginning, and He loves you and values you. You, in His eyes, are precious.Since God made everything, and is King, you, as His daughter, are a princess. As a princess, you deserve a level a respect from everyone who is in your life. You are also absolutely beautiful. Because God made you, you are by default, lovely, since He who created the universe made you in HIS image. As he is the root of beauty and love and good things, you have to be beautiful.
You are entitled to, as a beautiful and amazing human being, love and respect (God can always provide both).
You are also a wonderfully beautiful creation, and if someone does not see you that way, or ceases to see you that way, remember 2 things. 1.Hey, your Daddy in heaven thinks you're great, whats the problem? and 2. There are billions of people. Find another one to talk to.
Keep your head up sugar, and keep smiling. Let God decide how much you are worth, not some silly boy who calls you pretty and doesn't remember that you hate the color orange. Please be careful with yourself, because you're the one who should be judging yourself anyway.
lovelovelove the teenage drama QUEEN (who wrote this post in a frenzied state after a longggg day),
hanhan <3
When I was a freshman in high school ( which is a hugely vulnerable time in your life while you're still forming ideals and having thoughts and in which I would discourage "relation boats", as my nemesis once put them), I met a boy, blah blah blah. Over that year, and part of the next(when I actually dated him), I started to put a huge amount of my self worth in this boy's hands..err...paws? whatever. Anyway, he was, in my eyes, the only one to decided whether I was beautiful, whether I was smart, whether I was talented, pretty much whether I was worth anything. I let him dictate whether or not I was good enough, and when he cheated on me and then dumped me for another girl (over facebook, but thats beside the point), it was a huge blow.
I hate to admit it, but I was a wreck. I HATE being a cliche teenager, but this is what happened and it hurt, and this is coming from someone who doesn't really like emotions in general. I spent the year after that trying to fix myself, to figure out everything and be me again. And it was hard and it sucked a lot but it happened. I learned a lot though, from that horrible thing, and now, I actually have found people who treat me like I deserve to be treated. Do you know how you deserve to be treated?
Think this way. God made you. He planned you out from the beginning, and He loves you and values you. You, in His eyes, are precious.Since God made everything, and is King, you, as His daughter, are a princess. As a princess, you deserve a level a respect from everyone who is in your life. You are also absolutely beautiful. Because God made you, you are by default, lovely, since He who created the universe made you in HIS image. As he is the root of beauty and love and good things, you have to be beautiful.
You are entitled to, as a beautiful and amazing human being, love and respect (God can always provide both).
You are also a wonderfully beautiful creation, and if someone does not see you that way, or ceases to see you that way, remember 2 things. 1.Hey, your Daddy in heaven thinks you're great, whats the problem? and 2. There are billions of people. Find another one to talk to.
Keep your head up sugar, and keep smiling. Let God decide how much you are worth, not some silly boy who calls you pretty and doesn't remember that you hate the color orange. Please be careful with yourself, because you're the one who should be judging yourself anyway.
lovelovelove the teenage drama QUEEN (who wrote this post in a frenzied state after a longggg day),
hanhan <3
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
mmm....my hoodie smells good.
So. At this moment, my family was watching a movie and Justin Beiber was playing in the credits. Bad times. Also, my nails are painted purple. They also say "grape" on my left hand. I love it. I have a new shirt(<3) and a hoodie that smells absolutely fantastic (<3)I got to see some good friends today which was great, and I'm reading a good book, which makes me happy. Also, I have two poptarts to smuggle up to my room. Now I'm trying to sort out important things.
I've been having a really rough time connecting with people lately. REALLY rough. And I'm so sorry if I come off as standoffish or rude. I don't want too. I just cannot fit in right now and its getting me really frustrated and upset. I'm awkward and conversation is just not happening for some reason. Its reallly pissing me off, like more than I can explain to you. Well, If I tried I might be able too.
Okay. So, I'm not trying to be nasty. I'm just confused right now. Okay? okay.
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE. I've gone running two days in a row!
MONDAY: 2 miles. Chica yea.
TUESDAY: 1 1/2 +sprints.
Go me. I should run again tonight.
Love love love Hannah
I've been having a really rough time connecting with people lately. REALLY rough. And I'm so sorry if I come off as standoffish or rude. I don't want too. I just cannot fit in right now and its getting me really frustrated and upset. I'm awkward and conversation is just not happening for some reason. Its reallly pissing me off, like more than I can explain to you. Well, If I tried I might be able too.
Okay. So, I'm not trying to be nasty. I'm just confused right now. Okay? okay.
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE. I've gone running two days in a row!
MONDAY: 2 miles. Chica yea.
TUESDAY: 1 1/2 +sprints.
Go me. I should run again tonight.
Love love love Hannah
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