HOIADBUG>RM Q

OKAY SO HI

Christmas is over. it was beautiful. AND NOW ITS DONE.
I'm so stressed and behind and dying and blah and dramatic and not nice.
Sorry I left.
I'll be back with a real article soon.
Next year. I promise.
<3
bye

A winner at a losing game

You know what scares me? Don't laugh at me when I tell you.

I'm afraid to die, and have no one remember me. I don't want to not make a difference. I want to be stuck in people's memories as that girl who helped them become who they are. As that girl, Hannah, who really made a difference to a lot of people. Thats what I want. This blog isn't going to change the world, it probably won't change anyone but me. I'm alright with that.

I volunteer at my church a lot, and sometimes when I go out around my town, or surrounding towns, people recognize me and come up and talk to me. I think thats the coolest thing ever, and it makes me so happy to be a mini celebrity(Thats not why I volunteer, but its pretty cool).

These are two unrelated topics. I can't write very fluidly lately :p

~hanhan <3

If I die young...

So I don't know about you, but its my firm belief that everything that happens, bad or good, happens for a reason. Everything. Even if you can't see the reason when its happening, after it happens, there is indeed a reason. I've been through quite a lot for someone my age, and I've started to find reasons for even the worst things. I'm not trying to sound like a martyr, because I know that stuff I deal with is nothing to some people, but to me, some of it was awful, and some of it was great, and all of it has a reason.

Its about to get personal.

I've gotten hurt by/hurt a couple people. Although a lot of people don't really agree with my way of being, I don't really care. I'm sorry. I've learned how to be careful, how to protect myself, and how I should never compromise my morals for other peoples standards. Every time I got hurt, I pieced myself back together and learned new things about myself and the life I wanted. Its all leading me towards something, and I'm a lot happier with myself and the people in my life than I was before. So everything happened for a reason.

I have a list of examples written down, but I can't actually find them at the moment, so I apologize. If I find it, I'll type and post it for you guys.

On another note, I found some of my old notebooks. When I die, I'd really like all of the stuff I wrote, on this blog, and in the notebooks ( which I'll always write in) put into a book. All of it. Even when I'm not pleasant. No one has to get the book, its just for family or friends or what not. Anyway.

Also, this is my favorite song at the moment.

Lovelovelove hanhan

Christmas party!

So every year we have a Christmas party. A HUGE CHRISTMAS PARTY.

We used to have it on Christmas eve, to make up for our lack of family in the area, and now we have it on the weekend before. We get a bouncy house, lots of wine/beer(adults only) tons of food, and a Christmas book for everyone to write in. Also, we invite EVERYONE WE KNOW TO COME. Thats right, we have people from all our circles of friends come and meet each other and its always interesting who ends up as friends. This party was no exception, and I talked to fiftygazillion people I don't know and acted like I did know them and did a great job of pretending!

Also, today I sletp till 12 which is the latest I've ever slept and my head hurts and I sound like a chipmunk from all the yelling last night. Gonna go drink my weight in tea. I realize I need to write a long post, and I will really soon. I need a little inspiration so please leave a comment, or drop me a message on Facebook <3

Lovelovelove hanhan <3

random.

 

 

whaddya think?

So I like my eye makeup, my hair and my sweater, because its off the shoulder-ness and the wingedness of my eyeliner makes me feel very fabulous. ...I have nothing to say. GOODBYE

Well, this is how things go.

This is the color of my nails! Sparkles :3

Country music makes me cry. I got a hundred on my english test. I have chocolate. I need sunlight, its cold. I'm in love with Burt's Bees chap stick. I've done like none of my Christmas shopping >.< Why am I complaining?

Note to self: Remember to believe in love, and to think through the steps you take to change things. Be there for friends, and give people second chances. Sometimes, the best way to figure things out is to write out the problem, or to talk about it with someone you trust. Get things in the open. Be yourself, never someone else. Trust people to be there for you. GO do Christmas shopping. And Library. And...smile. It'll all be alright, so keep faith, God'll listen if everyone else is busy. 

love love love hanhan <3

...?

Maybe beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe the beholder changes from time to time. Maybe we can't pick who beholds our most beautiful selves. Maybe we should always just be ourselves, and the beauty will shine through to those who matter. maybe.

Red Umbrella

Sometimes life can get a little dark
I’m sure I’ve got bruises on my heart
Here come the black clouds full of pain
Yeah, you can break away without the chains


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkvpkfwjzEc

So I love this song.
Go listen to it, it feeds my county music addiction. And I also just love the lyrics. I posted a few, and they're just great. The whole message of the song is so much more comforting and realistic than pretty much everything else. Its like, Yes, bad things happen, yes, they are really bad. You're not alone, and honestly., it all gets better, and you're going to be fine. Also, we could really use an umbrella with all this rain.

On other notes, Disney was fantastic. And magical. And cold. So no tans, but lots of fun!
Another note is that I'm so done with people trying to make me upset. Just figure out I don't care as much as you're trying to make me care. I'm not going to cry. You aren't a huge loss, especially since you said all that stuff about me. You can't make me upset, or play games with my head anymore, because you're stupid. So yea, two shout outs!

ANOTHER NOTE. Because this is my blog and I can write whatever I want, I'm in love with country music. And three hour long phone calls. nbd.

...

But I do care. ahskyhfjfkaj whatever.

I'll be in Disney for like a week or so, so don't expect any blogging from me. I'll write you guys some and type 'em up when I come home!


Love from hanhan :3

anyway.

"People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered... Forgive them, anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives... Be kind, anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies...Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you... Be honest and frank, anyway.
What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight... Build, anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow... Do good, anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough... Give the world the best you have, anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it's all between you and God! It was never between you and them, anyway."
- Bl. Teresa of Calcutta

Saw this and it seemed perfect with some of the stuff thats been happening. 


love from hanhan :]

oh true.

We lose more by avoiding the truth, than what we might lose by speaking it.
Everyone is afraid of something.
Everyone is dealing with something that you might not know about.
Be dependant on yourself, but allow other people in.
Risk and pain aren't bad things. Taking risk and being in pain are temporary.
Don't let your problems shape who you are. Rather, let your strength when dealing shape you into a person worth being.
Believe in someone or something, even if you just believe in yourself.
Remember that there is always something new to learn.
Accept all people for who they are.
Try to see things from all angles.

Speak now. lol taylorswift what?

Okay guys. Why.

Why do we leave things unsaid? Some things are so important and need to be just spat out, and if they mess things up, oh well. you can fix it. I'm not suggesting you tell your mother she looks awful today, or that you tell someone you hate them and mean it. But you know those things that some people talk about with others? The ones that are less than charitable and could be fixed by just bringing it up or telling the person that you don't like the way they're acting. And then there are the things we keep to ourselves that should be let out. the "I love you"s, and "You're beautiful"s and the "I'm so proud of you"s. That's great  if you feel like you don't have to say it, they should just know.  I believe things like that should be said, and meant genuinely. I know I say them a lot, so much so that people don't even believe I mean it anymore. I do mean it, and I'm sorry if you don't think I'm sincere, but I am serious when I say things like that, however joking I might sound.

Okay, so say what you're thinking. Fix things, don't just let them simmer and burn and hurt. Thats all. Peace.

Love from hanhan :]

thankful listy-lister-list

So today we must be thankful.

Thankful Listy-lister-list:  

• My Catholic Faith
• My Mommy
• My Daddy
• My best friends Tori and Becky V and Cathryn <3
• My darling home school friends
• My amazing Saint John's friends
• My siblings, because they amuse me
• This blog
• My puppy
• My evil cats
• My Youthgroup
• New things
• Old things coming back together
• Being homeschooled
• The smell of this amazing food
• Books
• The fact that I'm hula-hooping all night long.
• Life is great.

please remember Im joking PLEASE

HOW TO GET A BOY TO LIKE YOU (in 5 easy, comprehensive steps)

We all want to fall deeply in love with that perfect person. Obviously. The problem with us girls, is that we can never figure out the exact way to make them love us back! Now, I've done extensive research and testing of this method, and its fool-proof! So go ahead, try these out on your soon to be sweetie. He'll be unable to resist you.

1. ALWAYS laugh at everything he says, even if its stupid. This is am important rule and must be followed at all times.
2. When the boy says nothing, so you aren't following rule #1, Smile really big and stare into his eyes. Make sure you ate spinach for lunch too, and don't bother getting it out of your teeth afterwords. Boys like it when they can see you eat healthy.
3. Stalk the boy. Friend him on Facebook, get his number off his page, like all his statuses, and text him at least 15 times a day, especially if he doesn't respond. Hes only not responding because hes shy, but hes totally into you. Boys love when girls give them no space and constantly assault their tools of communication. Seriously. Its a proven fact.
4. Never listen to him. If a boy says he really wants you to back off, or he just wants to be friends with you, he's lying. Trust me, he dreams about you every night.
5. DO NOT BE YOURSELF. Boys hate girls who are genuine and sweet and funny in their own way. Personalities are a big no-no. Get that straight ladies, you're not to be appreciated for yourself, only for who you pretend to be.

If you follow these steps, you'll have a very successful love life.

DISCLAIMER: This writer will not be held responsible for any serious injuries or fines that result from following her tips.

Epic.

How To Make Every Day More Epic

1. The most important part of this process is to remember that nothing is actually what it looks like to “normal people”. You must always see things for how they truly are. Examples:

• Your science teacher is actually an evil genius trying to take over the world.
• Music is actually instructions on how to make gold and apply the perfect amount of makeup in just the right way. You just have to search for the patterns.
• Little children. Forget them being cute. They're power hungry dwarves.
• Pants predict the future. True facts.

2. Everything must involve a villain to vanquish. Even hanging out with friends. Villains could be, but are not limited to:

• Turtles (they look slow and steady, but they have lairs of evil in their shells)
• Science teachers(obviously)
• Math worksheets(They're like those guys that wont let you pass unless you conquer them)
• Rabbits
• Small children
• Cheese

3. Create imaginary friends, or sidekicks to accompany you on your adventures. They can be:

• Short, silly hobbits, who make good food, usually potatoes.
• Tacos
• A Chinchilla
• Forest creatures
• A short friend
• A Unicorn

4. While you're adventuring, its socially acceptable to talk to yourself and make long speeches about your great personal struggles. Feel free to be as poetic as possible, and whine and be heroic in equal measures. Channel your inner Harry Potter. Use appropriate faces.
5. Always make up names for things. Its so much better because when you're a spy, no one will be able to decipher your expert code.
6. If someone calls you strange, or weird, or asks what you're doing, growl at them. Throw your handy taco at them and run like the wind. Or become the wind. Whatever is convenient.

If you follow these rules, I promise life will be much more awesome.Also, see if you can find and decipher my hidden message. If you can, contact me. If not, cry to your unicorn friend. BYE!

lovehopepeace

Let yourself trust.
Only be yourself, not someone else at all times.
Very often, things need to just be said, not held back.
Every once in awhile, love.

Have dreams.
Open yourself to possibilities
Perhaps things are bad now.
Everything gets better, so keep hope.

Place good friends around you.
Entertain yourself.
Action is good, so run, walk, swim, laugh, smile.
Consider other's perspectives
Expect changes, and be at peace about them. 

playing around is fun. More tonight maybe.

I just want to share a quote with you guys: 

 

 

"i have something honest for you. you can believe it or not. but i think its really important.

okay:

you only live once, and you don't have a lot of time here. you never know when its the end. you could die any day, any minute, any second. do what you want, try whatever, it cant hurt. you might not gt the chance later.if you hold back, and look back later with regret that you didn't do something, that just leads to pain. it makes sense to live in the moment and do what makes you happy now. do it, because you may never get the chance if you let it wait.  "


~Tori F <3

head vs. heart.

There's a difference you see. A difference between what the heart wants, and the head knows is right. There's a difference you see.
There's a difference you see. A difference between whether you follow your head or your heart. There's a difference you see.
The difference may be slight, it might not be there at all. I never noticed it before today, because I only payed attention to my heart. It seems, as one grows up, and attachments are there, one has to remember the head has a way too. And the head's way is the way things ought to be. So whats one to do? The heart feels right but the head knows right, and one or the other is the only way to figure this out. So pick. 

Good time tonight with the homeschoolers <3  I love singing princess songs and dancing and wearing wigs and teaching CCD and being like 12 with my best friends and rapping(really hannah?) and screaming and duets and guitar and friends and cookies and ice cream and pizza and smiles and laughter and good times with everyone. 

oh true?

"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just aint so." Mark Twain

This isn't supposed to mean anything. I got a 95 on my Psych test and didn't study. This was my feedback...oh cool? 

friends, people, places in life.

Guys, life is a journey and you're always learning new things, you learn them everyday whether you know it or not. You might not realize you learned it, but you did. I've been pondering people lately, and their presence in my life. Because, it is essentially YOUR life. YOU make the decisions about WHO is in it, and WHY they're there, WHAT purpose they serve in it. I've come to the conclusion that its really up to you to surround yourself with people who make you into who you want to be. If you surround yourself with people who are negative, you're going to be negative yourself. This doesn't mean surround yourself with people who are shallow and fake and happy all the time, because thats not good. But have friends who can see the upside of things, and help you out. Always return that favor by being there for them.

Its not easy crafting the greatest circles of friends. It doesn't come easily. You have to get a balance of people you admire, trust, love, are amused by, and who make good food. You can't have all best friends, and you shouldn't have all acquaintances. I have a couple circles of friends, and I've been really lucky to have the best people come into my life at the right times. Have people who make you happy, and when they make you nothing but sad or upset, their place in YOUR life should be taken away. They can come back, I mean, I've had two people come back into my life lately, and I'm seriously happy they did. But anyway.

This is rambling so I'll sum up. Have people in your life that make you happy. That make you laugh and smile, that you love. Because they're going to help you get through life, and enjoy it.

These are some of my friends at my birthday :3 They make me happy <3

another facts. blahhhhh I need to write for reals

Random factoids post number two! I'm too lazy to think deeply. enjoy random factoids and except better from me soon.

1. I'm very busy relating to every song on Taylor Swift's new album.
2. I love my friends more than anything.
3. One of my best friends and I like to crush in the same guys. True facts.
4. I bite my nails all the time and I hate it.
5. I wear pearl earrings and a silver fairy dust necklace every day.
6. I love fairytales and have been obsessed with them since I was 6.
7. I used to want to write songs, but now I just write whatever I want
8. I lovelovelove to sing.
9. I'm Catholic <3
10. I'm really happy lately because my oldish friends are talking to me again and I love them so much <3
11. I believe in love, but there are different types of it. I know what I'm looking for though.
12. I mess up a lot.
13. I'm awful at reading music. like terrible.
14. Most of the people I text regularly are male. One's at college and he's one of my bestfriends, the other one is another close male friend, and the other is the woman I babysit for.
15. I'm homeschooled. Yes I have friends that I see regularly, no I don't do school in my pajamas or in the bathtub. Got it? good.
16. Nobody read this. 16 is a great number.

jsdhgiathvs :]

1. This week was probably one of the best ever.
2. I love Taylor Swift's new album like a lot.
3. I love how everyone is friends again, it makes me happier than I can express
4. Next week is looking fabulous as well
5. I'm being careful. I need to be more careful. But I'm doing my best.
6. Planning to make the most of this year is cool
7. This is an awful blog post. I don't care. At all.
8.Drop everything now/ Meet me in the pouring rain/Kiss me on the sidewalk/ Take away the pain...
9. AMAZING SONG.
10.City this weekend :]
11. Why is it so different when people look you in the eye and say things?
12. I'm a fan of it, don't get me wrong.
13. No one is reading this by now.
14. Dorothy the Awkness monster.
15. I love fall <3
16. <---Thats how old I am now!

16

So today I turned 16. I made three wishes, one at 11:11 Am, one with the candles, one at 11:11 PM. I saw some of the most amazing friends ever. I had cake and hugs and laughs and love. It was a great birthday! And it made me think too :3

A few weeks ago, one of my friends asked who I was thinking about having over this year, if it'd be the same people as last year. After I stared at her for about a minute, she apologized and I told her who was coming. So thats what actually made me think. WHAT DID IT MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT HANNAH? you might ask. WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING YOUR THINKING SPIT IT OUT. you might say. But you probably wouldn't yell it. Anyway. THIS IS WHAT I WAS PONDERING.

A year older, and everything is so completely different this year. I have some of the same friends, and some different ones. I've learned a lot and changed a lot since my last birthday. I don't feel completely different today, like turning sixteen makes you a completely different person in itself, but I think the year leading up to it did change me, and help me grow up a little, or at least in some ways.

Also, at sixteen, a lot of people do candles, but I won't. I will thank you guys.Thanks for being there for me, helping me grow, making me laugh, singing with me, dancing with me, smiling with me, crying with me, thank you! I've made it through sixteen years due to my amazing family, and amazing friends <3

...

Almost.
One of the saddest words in the entire English language.

Maybe.
A word so full of hope and promise and possibilities and dreams.

And thats all I have to say. Looking forward to the rest of this week!

Love from hanhan :3

gamesgamesgames

This is all a pretty game.
This is all a beautiful illusion.
All the pretty lies we tell,
All the "secrets" that we spell,
Faking laughs, faking smiles.
A line of my fake friends goes on for a mile.

Everyone is all the same.
This is just a pretty game.A game that I can't play.
So only the truth, that's all I'll say.

Every so often...

...I like to have discussions with my friends. Today I had one with a friend of mine about personal mottos when it comes to friendships and relationships, and how we were in them. He is a self-proclaimed clinger. He holds on, and tries to make things work out with everyone, no matter how sad it might make him at the time, it makes him happy in the end.

So then he asked what I would consider myself. I'm a runner. A runner away-er. My personal mottos include: "You can get over anyone if you try hard enough!" and "If someone is making you unhappy, and there isn't a workable solution, run away, leave, get out of there. NOW." I'm USED to leaving. As bad as it may sound, I've adjusted early to leaving, due to my military family and how much we moved. Being left wasn't really a big deal, I don't hold that tight to people who leave me.

When I moved to NY, I thought I'd try that holding on thing. It's harder, to be attached to someone, and trust them not to turn on you, or to leave. So I'm still the one running away, leaving, because its safer. No one can leave you, taking your trust with them.

TURNS OUT. I'm a coward...but I'm not changing. The people who hold onto me when i want to leave are the ones that last. And I love them for it. So to everyone who decided to give it another try with me lately, thanks. And to those few people who've held on this long, you're amazing.

love from hanhan :3

not important at all.

I've now renamed, reformatted, and redecorated this entire blog. November is my favorite month, out of all 12 months. It always has and always will be! This has no point. My birthday is in exactly a week! Then I'll be sixteen, which apparently is a monumental age. I don't want to do any school today. I just wanna listen to Wicked <3 I love whoever pops onto my blog and likes all my posts. They're the best. Ever. <3 Okay...going to do french.  TOODLES!

(4 hours later)
Today I have accomplished...well...

Listening the the entire Wicked soundtrack 30-ish times
Redoing my entire blog
Taking a walk to clear my head
A FRENCH SECTION
...

That's all. Stop expecting more from me! Okay...I'm going to do something useful now...bye.Love from hanhan :3
BTW. You'll always be with me, like a hand print on my heart. Just so you know.

Wicked :3

GUYS. THIS DAY WAS FREAKING AMAZING. LIKE SERIOUSLY.

I woke up ready for chorus, a little tired because sleeping is like a no no. I got dressed for my super long day, and my dad says "HANNAH. We're going to do some stuff together today"  with his really angry math face. So I say, "no we aren't.". And he goes..."Fine, I just won't use these tickets to Wicked." So then I scream really loud and give him and my mom a hug and get ready to go to the train.

He didn't talk about school the WHOLE TIME there, which was great. We got to the city, and everyone is so interesting, I was staring at them like a freak. He takes me to this awesome restaurant called the Stardust Cafe, where the waiter's and waitress's sing all the time, which was so awesome. So after we hear a few awesome songs, and get lunch, we head out.

I got to see the Forever 21 store, the Hershey store, and wandered for a bit. Then off the the show! The show was amazing. The Actor's had AMAZING voices, I'm super jealous. The songs were gorgeous, the lyrics great, the dancing fabulous, the storyline, fabulous, everything was so great. I even liked the ending,. the set, and the costumes! Daddy nodded off a tad, but I think I forgot to blink...yea.

After the show we went back to Penn Station, and then got home, and now I'm writing this to you. YAY!

No friends ever.

**The scene is hanhan's closet...the clothes are talking....**

"Oh look! She did it again! See that poor skirt on the ground? Waiting for repairs, poor soul. She'll never fix it. It'll just go to the BASKET OF DOOM *Thunderclaps*"
"She wouldn't send another article there! That's the end of the world!"
"Sweetie, when you've been here as long as I have, waiting for her to wear me, you see a lot of things. I was even once put in the BASKET OF DOOM *thunderclaps* For having wrinkles that she was too lazy to iron. I barely escaped with my life."
"Bandage skirt! Stop terrifying the poor new blouses. They never touched you!"
"How could they, they're on the other side of the closet! And you're one to talk, favorite black top! She wears you all the time! You're barely ever in here!"
"Yea! leave us alone Bandage skirt! She's WORN us!"
"Be quite you stupid shirts. I can hear her opening the door. More poor souls! Oh! SHE'S TAKING ME OUT! I'M GETTING WORN TODAY SUCKERS!"
*Hanhan, to herself, muttering*
"Now HOW did you get so wrinkly. You have like 6 layers! it'll take me half an hour to iron you! You better look amazing next week, that's all I can say. "
*Bandage skirt :* "I'm getting wornn I'm getting worrn. HAHA you poor babies in a pile on the ground! I'm getting worn! BOOYAH!"

And this is why Hannah has no friends. She makes up stories about her clothes talking while she cleans. Good job Hannah.

Here we go!

Tonight: There will be a beautiful post here. where this stuff is. In like two hours.


Seven hours later....

You know that feeling where it hurts to be, and no matter what you do it continues to hurt? You know that feeling you get when you stand there and your heart breaks, and you knew it would break, so its all your fault? You know that feeling where you're pushed to your limit, you can't do this anymore, and yet you find you can? Do you know what it feels like to love, to love the entire human race, simply because one of them has shown you that you are not alone? Do you know that feeling of adrenaline when you feel like you've escaped death by an inch?  You know that feeling of pure innocence, peace, happiness, when you look at a newborn baby, a single red rose, new fallen snow, an elderly couple still in love? You know the feeling you get when you hate to let someone down, but know it needs to be done? Do you know what it feels like to feel, really feel, to feel love, joy, loss, hope, peace, and pain? Because this is what living is. It's taking chances, experiencing life. So ask yourself if you're living or not.

STOMPSTOMPSTOMP

Guys, never underestimate the power of a good stomp. ever.

I was officially the nastiest person ever to everyone because nothing was going right. My computer is broken, I can't focus on this computer, my headphones are broken, my family is all sick and annoying me, I read all my books and I don't sleep well ever because I keep having nightmares. So I left my house for a run, but I didn't want to run because I'm all sore for no reason at all.

So I stomped, I ran a mile, to feel a LITTLE accomplished, and then I stomped around for like 2 miles with my dog, thinking angry thoughts until I was too tired to be angry, so I came in to write this for you all. *STOMPSTOMPSTOMP* I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN ENGLISHMAN. I'M A HUNGRY GIANT YA YA. Excuse that.

I'm gonna dye my hair brown soon, and I'm tres excited. Tswift's new album came out. Also exciting there, even though I have 0$ to buy it with. cool. Harry Potter is a good series, I finished it in two weeks. I'm gonna go shower because I'm gross. I'll try to write more. Love you guys <3

First friends.
First love.
First smile.
First tears.

First mistake.
First laughs.
First tries.

You're going to remember your firsts. Always. They're going to stick in your head and your heart, and influence how you act in everyday circumstances. First friends will always be loved, first loves will always make you wistful. First smiles and tears hold memories. Mistakes and laughter remind you of times gone away. First tries push you to try again. They're never going away. So embrace it all. 

Hey everyone.

So I've kind of been missing in action lately. And I really have no reason, so I'm sorry about that. I'm actually exhausted tonight. I'll write you a spectacular post tomorrow okay?
Love from hanhan :]

Ophelia

Hey everyone! So, I'm totally slacking off here about this whole Ophelia thing, and I thought I'd give it a little thought. ( Read a post by Allie here, in which she mentions Ophelia in a way you've never thought of!) But here's a quick introduction to Ophelia, for all you non-Shakespeare adorers. Ophelia is one of the Charaters from Hamlet, which is a tragedy. She has a really controlling dad named Polonius, whose like the new king's right hand man. The new king offed the old king, and the old king's son, Hamlet, is Ophelia's boyfriend. Hamlet goes pretty crazy to try to reveal the new king's evil-ness to the rest of the kingdom, so he can avenge his father's death. Hamlet ends up rebuffing Ophelia's love because her daddy is spying on them, and then he kills her dad by mistake. So then she drowns. Life really sucks.

Okay, so there are a lot of different interpretations of the character Ophelia's death. Some say its suicide, some say its just her giving up, and some say that she really did just drown, and its all an accident. As I'm playing Ophelia in an upcoming performance of Hamlet, I'm going to interpret her for ya.

Ophelia and Hamlet really did love each other, and if Hamlet wasn't the prince, they probably would have gotten married. The sad part is that they never got this opportunity. Hamlet's father died and the whole world was a mess. Ophelia and Hamlet never got their chance because Hamlet didn't have time for her anymore, and her father found out and started to control the relationship. He found out about things and forced Ophelia into spying for him so he could get points with the king.

Ophelia, even though she is being controlled, genuinely loves her father, no matter what he does, and when he dies, she is thrust into a state of madness brought on by sadness. She can't express her grief, so she is driven to insanity by everything that's happening. When she speaks of the flowers, she's trying to tell how she feels for the people, and although she's crazy, her messages are clear.

Lastly, Ophelia's death. In the play it says that a tree branch she was on broke out from underneath her and she fell into the water and drowned without a struggle. She's accused of killing herself in the play by another character, and others believe she  could really do nothing about it. I think that she died out of sadness. The branch broke, and she found herself in the water. After everything she's been through, she was just done and tired of living in a world of lies and death and pain. So she gave up, because this sweet death was so much easier for her.

I'm really excited to play Ophelia. She's pretty much the coolest character ever, and its going to be fun/hard. My nails are green. I'm tired. PSATS were this morning, and then Science and then CCD >.< Good bye blog!
P.S Read Allie's blog, she's a way better writer than I.

Love from hanhan ;]

Happy Happy happy

Its really kind of funny how things have started to work out. You've got everything you've always had, life still sucks for you and no matter what you do, nothing seems to change that. You go out with the same girls, just with different names. You have the same type of friends, usually not permanent, and unable to be there for you. Everything that happens is like a shred of drama that you keep living for, you make it into the huge thing.

Guess what. I'm grow-ed up now. I have the most amazing friends on the face of the earth, who are always there for me no matter what I do. I'm happy, life feels great and it just makes me laugh and smile whenever I think about how blessed I am. I'm not dependent on some guy to love me and everything. I don't need exciting, horrible dramatic events because I have so much better. Last year, that me would have thought the way you acted today was a big deal. BUT ITS NOT.

Homecoming was fab. I saw a bunch of people I wanted to see, and had a good time being shoved around and drinking a huge amount of purple Gatorade. Then we went to J's house and I went on jungle adventures with T and J and M, which was a blast. We made animal noises and a boat, J's rock fell off the boat first. I love his mother's Italian food. And Merry. AND OUR PICTURE ALBUM. And the swing set and the park. I'm a happy camper. I love my friends <3

Love from hanhan :]

Sometimes you need to forgive someone if you want to move on. Even if they don't deserve it. Get over yourself and move on, be friends again or make them go away. Just get on with life.

gahh

Dear blog.


I've recently been a hugely hormonal mess, which is not my fault, so I decided not to venture near the blog before I posted even more sad things. Which apparently, makes everything worse. Anyway, the bad times should be mostly over. for now :]
SO! Tomorrow is homecoming. I'm super excited. If I manage to live through tonight, (I wanna do two miles and I'm feeling pathetic.), Then it should be super groovy. Groovy is the word of the month/week. Because cool is boring now. We need better words, ones with more spunk and pinache. I think Pinache is a word. I read it somewhere. It's pronounced PIN-  AHH - shhh.

I have a thought. Shocking I know, but hear me out. Where does one draw the line between humility, being the bigger person, and being walked all over? I understand humility, I really do. I admire people who cultivate it and are able to do that. I'm trying, and its hard. I get being the bigger person too, that makes sense, I teach my little siblings that. And I get being walked all over.Its happened, not a fun experience. I don't want to be the only one fighting for these things to happen. Things that aren't my fault..not all my fault. many more thoughts to come soon....

gah

Stop....
too much....stress....too much...not right...help...help....too much....
Youth group
Youth band
Adult Choir
Chant choir
Children's choir
Science classes
Middle school nights
Babysitting
School
Hamlet
Friends?
Rosary
No time
School
Too much
Running
Track? spring.
helphelphelphelphelp.

yea

Its official.

I'm a
needyattentionseekingobnoxiousimpulsiveoutofshapemessylazyrudejealous
individual.
 I suppose I should find the positive, but tonight I just don't want too. I'm usually hard on myself, but tonight I feel l like I deserve each and every one of those titles. I really don't want to be that person anymore. I want to be:

Self assured, quiet, organized, smart, motivated, passionate, kind, loving, loved, okay with not being noticed.


Ben Franklin tried to master every virtue. He wrote down who he wanted to be and made them into habits. I think I should try that. This week, I will try to be quieter, less obnoxious, and think before I speak. I'll keep you posted, if you care to read.

two things guys.

Two things.

FIRST. OH MY SASSAFRAS. HOW DID I SURVIVE LAST YEAR THIS DAY/MONTH, I DON'T UNDERSTAND AT ALL. Well, I do. I was so happy exactly a year ago. Everything was so new and scary and exciting and interesting and I was "shy" and all these other things I'd never been to anyone. Even if these things weren't the truth from that person, because of a year ago, I've learned what the things that were said actually meant, and they don't mean what I had. There are so many better things I didn't even know about then, because of that.  I didn't have all the amazing friends I do now. I wasn't the person I am now. I never went through what I had to go through to learn how obnoxious and dramatic I was/am(still!). I thought I had it all figured out then, and I was so wrong. but HOW DID THIS HAPPEN. Its just weird. Okay.

SECOND. Why am I such a loser/idiot? I keep thinking, this is everyday now, of everything I said that was stupid. Or did that was stupid. Everything I've done or said ,looking back was ridiculous and obnoxious and dramatic. And this is just the past three days that are bothering me at the moment. and all of last year. >.< Oh geez. Better post tonight guys. HOPEFULLY. Don't be too excited >.<

Its going to be a fantastic day today. I'm really excited :] Maybe going out with T soon, and then Youth group tonight! How could things be better?

Note to self....Shut. up. BYE! 


Love from hanhan :]

P.S. Search Amazon.com for purity rings....If you do, and I think buy one, I get to make money!

TEN RULES OF LIFE MWAHAHA....yea.

1. You're always beautiful.
2. Someone always loves you.
3. You can never please everyone.
4. Thats not an excuse for being rude/mean.
5. Be with people who make you laugh, you'll live longer.
6. Don't bother with small things.
7. Enjoy nature and little things.
8. Its alright to fall apart.
9. Keep seemingly impossible hopes and dreams, no matter what.
10. Smile at everyone. 

Okay, not as good as The Five Rules of Maybe. But these are my Ten Rules of Life >.<...which if you read my blog, you've seen in most posts.

Love from hanhan :]

Five rules of maybe

The Five Rules of  Maybe

1. Respect the power of hope and possibilities. Begin with belief. Hold on to it.
2. If you know where you want to go, you're already halfway there. Know what you desire but, more importantly, why you desire it. then go.
3. Hopes and dreams and heart's desires require a clear path- get out of your own way.
4. Place hope carefully in your own hands and in the hands of others.
5. Persist if necessary.

~ Deb Caletti
Just wanted to share this with you guys. I didn't write it, but I love it.

Love from hanhan :]

The boy from the house with the purple shutters

This is the story about the boy. The one who lived in the house with the purple shutters.

Mother loved purple. She loved purple flowers, purple books, purple dresses and purple shutters.  That's why our house had them. No one else in our little town had purple shutters, and we didn't have many visitors. That was okay though, my mother had my father, and I had her. She'd read to me from her purple books, float around the house in purple dresses, paint the shutters purple and plant beautiful purple flowers in her garden. My father loved her for this, and I adored her for being my mother.

One day, my mother grew very ill, and faded into a place where no one could get her back. When this happened, my father faded as well, and I stopped talking, because the only person worth talking too was my mother, and she was gone. We buried my mother together in a purple coffin and planted purple flowers on her grave. My father and I, my mother's only child, her beloved son, lived quietly in the house with the purple shutters.

When I was 12, I took to caring for my mother's garden. I didn't like to talk much. The doctors my father had taken me too after her death to see what was wrong with me had said it was selective, I could talk when I wanted too. My father begged me and pleaded with me, but soon, he too became quiet. One day as I cared for my mother's garden, a girl walked by. I watched her walk. She seemed so happy and confident and pleased. She skipped a little bit and looked over at me. I tossed a smile at her and she threw one back. I think thats when I started to love her.

She passed me every day for a year and we smiled at each other each day. No words, just smiles. I was okay with that. One day she stopped coming by, and I didn't see her for 3 years. I still went out every day to look for her, but she never came by again. And I continued to not speak, except whisper to the flowers every once in a while.

This continued, until that day she came by again, crying. I saw her now, much older looking. She didn't smile at me. I went over to the gate, although I never had before. She stopped and saw me. I reached out a hand to her and wiped her tears. I touched her hand and spoke for the first time in years.

Story!

SO. I'm going to write a story because I want to. M suggested to me the idea for it, and if you guys would like to suggest a story idea leave me one in the comments!

Story:  Every day Jane walked past the house with the purple shutters. Every day she thought how strange it was for a house to have purple shutters. She thought it was even stranger that no one came out of the green gate that surrounded the house with purple shutters. It looked like the only person who lived there was a boy her age who no one knew anything about. 

Every day she walked past the house, and saw the boy. He watched her sometimes, and she watched him, but they never spoke. she liked to think of him as a secret alliance, because whenever she saw him, he'd give her a look that said no one could hurt her. She trusted him...but was sorry they'd never spoken. This went on for months and months. They never spoke, but she felt like they were great friends.

One day Jane stopped walking past the house with the boy and the purple shutters. She stopped caring about him as she grew up and started having what silly teenagers call a "life". She had no time for her friend the boy, whose eyes always promised to protect her. Soon after Jane got so caught up in her own "life" and things started to happen that she didn't expect.

After one of those unexpected things, she walked a different way home, a way past the house with the purple shutters and the green gate. The boy was out. He watched her cry and went over to the gate. He reached out a hand to her. She stopped walking and looked over at him He motioned for her to come over to the gate. She did, and he wiped the tears from her eyes. She smiled at him and he stretched out the hand he had just used on her tears for a handshake. For the first time since she had ever seen him, he opened his mouth to speak.

"Hi"

And children? the rest, as they say, is history.

introspection and being okay with me.

So recently I've been talking to a close friend of a couple years whose gotten to know me pretty well, and he commented on how mature I was getting and how different I've become, if a positive way. My first response was what it was when I was an extremely over dramatic 13 year old," It's all and act! I'm such a mess! I just want people to see what they want!"

My friend refrained from answering for a while, and while they were thinking, so was I. In the end I retracted the comment. You know why? because I'm happy with myself now. I'm comfortable with who I am, and I'm no longer trying to please people with who I am. As weird as it felt at first, being me is the most comfortable thing I've ever done. People even seem to like me better.

I was thinking about this a little more, and I realized how much I've had to go through to get to this point. I'm not done with the journey, but I'm happier with myself now than I've ever been before, with my image, with my personality, with my friends, with my life. Things aren't always great but I've learned to deal with them. Okay. Thats what I wanted to share.

Love from hanhan :]

CCD :/

Okay, I know they're in first grade. I can be nice. I WAS nice! But you parents are slacking off and you don't even know it. Three kids asked me who God was in my class today. All of the class had no idea that God had made them. Am I the only person who sees a problem here? You leave your crying kids in a class with me and they don't know why they're here, they don't even know what they're learning! Also. I'm not your babysitter and bathroom runner so  you can have a longer break from them. Thats not okay. This is my first year and if your kid can't focus sitting still then you need to tell me that so I can do something about it. KAY. Ranting done for now. But seriosuly. Saying, "Oh what a pretty teacher you have!"? That's not going to make up for your child being a pain to all the other kids. and me.

I'm so miserable and tired and annoyed because of the first graders. That really sucked. A lot.  ON THE BRIGHT SIDE LISTEN TO THIS SONG! Click on this, it will lead you to love and joy. OOh. the links are really cool. I've never done that before. Go play with my fish. Okay. Just play with them until I come back tonight and leave you another post. Bye.

Love from hanhan :]

k cool

Dear blog. And readers. And feisty little fishies.

I've been slacking oof on you, and I'm sorry. Han's a little bit out of it the past two days, and really rather busy. BUT I'M GONNA DO BETTER! So guess what I did on Sunday like a tard >.<...I fell down the choir loft steps in heels. I got the heel stuck and whacked my ankle really hard on something that was a horrendous mix of metal and wood. Needless to say (but I will anyway), my ankle is the most lovely shade of mauve. REALLY pretty. Just kidding. Its swollen and it hurts. Wah-wah done complaining.

There've been a lack of deep thoughts lately cause I'm in one of those beautiful clouds of happy. I have something somewhat significant I forgot to share with you previously though! TWO things! First of all, and obviously most important, I have a newer and more excellent hair cut. Picture is above! Thats me working on a post for you babies <3

THE OTHER fabulous thing is that I'm getting fairies painted in my room soon. I'm so excited. OKAY BYE!

Love from hanhan :]

thank you.

Thank you.
Thank you for reassuring me that no matter what, you'll be there to listen and not judge.
Thank you for teaching me to trust.
Thank you for being there when I wanted to fall apart.
Thank you for trusting me and letting me into your life.
Thank you for your secrets, I've learned to guard them carefully.
Thank you for loving me when it felt like no one else did.
Thank you for laughing at my jokes.
Thank you for being in my life, and growing and changing with me when everyone else changed without me.
Thank you for giving me your real opinion whether or not I wanted to hear it.
Thank you for fighting with me, and making up.
Thank you for countless hours shared.
Thank you for laughter and smiles.
Thank you for your support of me, no matter how much I sucked.
Thank you for saving me from the guys that weren't good for me, and from messing up more than I did.

Thank you for being my friend.

STUPIDS

People are stupid. All of you. You put yourself through so much pain and tears and stupidity because of a person who could care less for you. You do this GLADLY. Any small sign is enough to make you ignore anyone who might actually be worth your time for some person that no matter how good, doesn't want you.

Shouldn't your first inclination be to protect yourself from them? You should only go after people who want you. Don't you think you're worth the effort? Worth wanting? I don't understand you people. I've been there, I've done that. Its ridiculous and painful and stupid which I already said.


On another note, its not a great plan to bike in front of St. John's when they're all loading up on buses. Its dangerous. Evil bus driver ladies may attempt to hit you, and there may be people you don't want to see there. Yea. GOOD P.E LESSON. In order to dodge cars one must be extremely careful and not get hit. Again, yea. Goodnight.

OKAY SO.

I keep getting a familiar feeling that I'm writing these for myself. Nobody reacts to them. Which is fine. But if you guys don't care about what I'm writing about give me a heads up. If you do like it, then comment or click a button.

Reactions all I'm asking for. Thanks!

Love from hanhan :]

memories

You know how a song, a season, a book, a smell, it can pull up a feeling from the past? One you like, one from when you were hurt, or from when you were happy. It brings memories and you can feel thme or see them, so vivid its as if they were happening again and if you close your eyes and sit still, the sensations wash over you, so clearly.

You feel the memories and you want to have it back. You want to be with those people again. You want those feelings back, because they made you happy. But things can never ever be the same. People change, life changes. It doesn't work like it once did, and no amount of wistfulness is ever going to bring it back.

I can think of exactly what was happening last year around this time. Things were changing, just like they always are. I was so excited and nervous and naive. And what was going on is something I'll never ever relive.

Relish the memories, live for today.

Love and thoughts from hanhan :]

Excuses.

"I've been through a lot, so its alright for me to react by being mean."
"My parents were mad at me so I have a right to be insulting to you because I'm mad"
"Because some things don't work out, my life is horrible and I'm dealing by *insert method*"

...Excuses. You make them, I make them, and guess what? Its not okay. Because this is life. I was thinking about this lately, and how we think we're justified to act this way. EVERYONE has problems. Not just you. And those people that we judge for their actions? Well, you're just like them.

There are tons of excuses that we can make every day. I justify yelling at my brother because I'm in "emotional pain". You justify your need to drink or smoke because you're stressed out about school. We all justify our actions without a thought to who might get hurt, because that's their problem for getting in your way when its so extremely obvious you're in a bad mood!

If you were to talk to people about what is actually going on, you'd realize that they're dealing with a lot too. They're probably even making excuses for themselves, excuses they expect you to understand. Whether or not you think their problems measure up to yours, whether or not their life sucks more, you have to accept that to them, it might be too much to even think about.

Life really sucks sometimes. Yours might be worse than most. But that is not a reason to make excuses about your actions when really, there are ALWAYS people worse off than you are, people who deal so much better with all of their problems. Which means you have no reason to lash out at yourself or others because you're stressed, upset, sad,or whatever.

This is LIFE. You can't make excuses for it. Things happen to everyone. So get over your excuses and go live.

Love from hanhan :]
P.S. I have no excuses. The way things have been going is not okay all the time, but I have no excuses for reacting and taking it out on any of you, or on myself. And I'm sorry.

Heh.

So, the poem post beneath this, Yea. That was necessary because in the guide book to being a teenage girl, you have to post at least a couple sort of whiny poems in which one line is used to complain about a boy. Really, its in there. Go look it up, I thinks its page 37. BUT I ACTUALLY LIKE THIS POEM SO THERE.

But to make up for it, I'm writing a poem for you guys:


My readers are super cool,
Cooler than a freezing pool,
They read all my stuff,
And if that weren't enough,
They like it, or think its funn-eh!

Yesterday I bought mommy a birthday present and got myself a dress, a belt, a sweater, and like two skirts, except one happened to be shorts, but Imma fix that.  AND I GOT SEASON 7 OF BUFFY VIA NETFLIX! ...This is so extremely exciting, you cannot even comprehend. T hasn't even seen season 7, and she's the one who got me into this.

The day before yesterday I got to hang out with one of the people who actually reads this, and we had a ball, watching movies, talking about books and music... good times. Then I ran a little less than two miles, down the the community beach and back, and I barely had to drag my dog.

School can't start yet. I'm bored.Which is why you get the poem, and this lovely and oh so important update you probably skimmed and now are done with. Because you don't care....SQUAWK BYE.

What if.

What if you had never told me
And I never ever knew.
About everything you'd been through,
And everything you do?

What if I had never said yes?
And we were still the same.
Our friendship still intact,
Like it was before that day.

What if you had never told me
I was perfect, made for you,
That no other girl was worth it,
And you were lying, which I knew.

What if I had never guessed
That things could get so crazed
Then we could just leave the mess
And never be caught in this maze
Of what if?

Momentous day, thoughts on self-loathing

It is indeed a momentous day darlings! "WHY?" you ask. I will tell you. Drum roll please. *badadadadadadadadadadadadadadada*

Okay, enough drum roll its annoying to type. Anyway, my momentous news is...I FOUND STOMACH MUSCLES!

THATS RIGHT. I ran like 2 miles and died from a horrendous stitch. So I stopped and went inside, after which I decided I smelled absolutely horrible ( Which you needed to know) and in between smelly shirt and the not smelly one, I noticed I had like two whole abs.

I swear. Day friggen made.

Okay. I have a thought to share with you guys today. I had this thing where I want to live up to expectations. Well, its kind of a new thing. Like a thing of this year. But then I realized I didn't want to be the person all these other people expected and thought I was. I wanted to be someone who I could admire, someone who, when I was a little kid, or even a younger me, someone that I could look up to.

So yea. I felt the need to share this with you guys today because lately I've heard about people "hating" themselves. "My grades are gonna suck, my friends suck, I'm fat, I'm not pretty, I have no friends"...These are all things that YOU have control to change, or at least to change your opinion about. These are all things I think sometimes about myself. But you have to take action, otherwise, you're just being ridiculous and lazy, and anyone with a brain will not feel sorry for you.

Go for a run! Take a walk! Join a new group! Say hello to someone random! Go shopping for different clothes, or try new makeup!(Or just accept your face and learn to love it). Do admirable things. Be yourself, version 2.0

So take action, and be someone you can admire. And celebrate the little victories, like FINDING ABS!

favorite things

Hi I'm Hannah. And this is a list of my favorite things! *Imagine me singing that like Julie Andrews*

Late night phone calls
Beautiful colors
Good books
Hot chocolate
Cats
Best friends
Trust
Ice cream
Summer
Fall clothes
Dresses
Debussy's Piano pieces<3
...EVERYTHING.

I'm done for the night blog, see you in the morning.

Love from hanhan :]

Quick summary of the past few days

"Hannah, were you a good girl?"

"Yes mommy, I didn't touch the illegal stuff"

"...I meant, did you eat your vitamins."

"Oh... yea..."

Life is always cool at my house. I'VE BEEN HAVING SO MUCH FUN THE DAY BEFORE YESTEDAY, YESTERDAY, AND TODAY! ...I have no deep thoughts. The day before yesterday T and I reinterpreted famous art.



Yesterday I went out with people from the town, and then a barbecue with B. Today I curled up with my cat and finished Sense and Sensibility, which I totally suggest, as well as The Off Season, which I absolutely LOVED (If you want to read the Off season, check out Dairy Queen first, I would totally suggest them to anyone, especially you ladies ;] ) Then I exploded fireworks with my neighbours, which prompted the above conversation...BYE.

Love from hanhan :]

being happy

Okay, I keep seeing/hearing about the BEST SUMMER EVER or THE WORST SUMMER EVER. There's usually one or two things that happen that tend to define these. Nobody ever says "THIS IS THE BEST LIFE EVER!". I rarely see people my age, or really any age celebrate the great parts of life because EVERYTHING is wrong. There are great, beautiful, wonderful things happening, but people don't see them because there is so much that's not as you would have planned it.

So this is the conclusion I've come to. Life isn't always perfect. Things aren't always amazing. But you CAN control how much fun you have. And you CAN take those beautiful moments and let them define you and your life, and not let the bad ones bring you down.

Its not a perfect system, its not always easy. But I think its happier. And worth a try.

OKay so I haven't done anything interesting except I started crying because my dog wouldn't let me finish the last mile on my run and pulled me inside yesterday. Emotional wrecks FTW. And today I read with my sibs, and watched youtube videos to bond. Sense and Sensibilities until babysitting later possibly with T!

Love form hanhan ;]

Fears and tears.

I'm pretty sure we're all afraid of something. Afraid of normal things, things other people can notice.Some of us have more hidden fears, ones that aren't quite apparent when one first looks. Ones that fuel people's decisions and plans, and stay hidden. Fears that are so deeply rooted in someone, they might even know why they do things the way they do.

I'm not really making a point today. Well, if I was, it'd be something like, if you have a fear, no matter what it is, you probably aren't the only one with that fear. You can find someone to help you through it. Because there is always a way to work through it.

Okay, short, no point. On the bright side, my room is now two lovely colors, purple and yellow, And I ran two miles and barely died at all! AND I finally say Monsters Vs. Aliens with B, which was fun. The weather is gross and hot. What do you guys think of the new Confused and Loving It's layout? Please tell me in comments :]

^^^ See that little paragraph? the one telling about my day? That might pop up a little more frequently. Hope you guys don't mind. If you don't like it, COMMENT. or tell me. Or something. You figure it out. I'd love your opinions and input. I know I say that, but, I'mma say it again babies!

Love from hanhan :]

friends.

Even when it seems like you don't mean anything to anyone, you might be changing somebody's life for the better. Even when it seems like you aren't doing anything for them, somebody is depending on you. Even if all you do is listen, you're giving them a reason to hold on, no matter how bad things are.

Yea. So. It really can mean the world to someone if you just say, "Hey, how are you?" ANd really listen. Thats all people are asking of you. Everyone just needs someone to stick by them when things get rough, and pull them out, or just try to help them through.

I'm not perfect, I'm far from it. I don't know very much, which is obvious. But I know this, I'm thankful for my friends, and I'm blessed to have them in my life <3


Love from hanhan :]

PS. I ran two whole miles and biked like 5. I'm completely shameless and seeking admiration. Now accepting pats on the back and high fives.

At the end of the day

At the end of the day
We smile.
Because it doesn't bother us.
At the end of the day
We laugh.
Because its all okay.
At the end of the day
We hide.
Because if people knew
what we actually felt
Then,
At the end of the day
The truth would come out.
And then we'd all be in trouble.

Beautiful.

Do women judge their standard of beauty by Society's views?
" How could she think this!?" You ask. "I dress for myself" you say. "The women in magazines ARE beautiful!" you may tell me. Well darlings, here are my reasons.

1. ... I know you're all super confident about your bodies and all, but seriously. Society teaches that clothes = bad. Sex = good.

2. Who do we see in magazines? Who are we taught to see as beautiful. "Perfect" women. You know the type. Skinny, large chests, tall, superstar smiles, lots of smokey makeup. Right, beautiful women and role models right there.

3. Okay so. Makeup? yea. We like it heavy on the eyes. Because thats "hot". We tell each other that. We tell ourselves that. Guess who else we hear it from? Oh right.

Alright. Three ideas. ANYWAY. We don't consider ourselves beautiful because society has taught us that we aren't. People who are irregular, big noses, large foreheads, athletic shapes, a little healthy pudge, eyes that are a different shape, an interesting skin color, all of these things are taught to be "undesirable". In reality though, if we were to think for ourselves, we might come to see these things as the most beautiful things about a person, because they make them who they are.

We're taught to ignore personality and see people for their looks alone. You see a woman with small eyes and a big nose and see her as ugly. You talk to her, and you find an intelligent mind and a sweet personality. If you get to know her, you'd find out she sings and its breathtaking. Or draws and it's beautiful. But, because of society's views of beauty, you might not ever take the time to get to know her, because she becomes less of a person because of her lack of "perfection" and you'd miss out on meeting an amazing person.

Okay. What do you think is beautiful? Leave a comment describing please :]


Love from hanhan :]

P.S. YOU are beautiful.

Angry ranty post.

So. I'd like to say something about a certain issue, and a thought of mine, which IS what I usually do, so this post isn't really any different than the usual posts. It's just a different begining than you guys usually read. Okay. Lets go for it then.

I totally thought friendship was this great and awesome thing that included loyalty and a deep abiding trust in the other person. If that person was to tell you something, you would guard it, and not tell their other friends your secret opinions of them. They tell you when they have a problem with something you said. They know your past, but don't bring it up. They're always there to talk and listen. Thats how things work...right?

I guess I was mistaken. I'm so silly, seriously. Boys can make ALL the difference. You say something to be protective, and suddenly everyone hates you and its crazy and ridiculous and you're all fighting.

So, keep the opinion to yourself and let people get hurt. Thats what they want anyway.

living by it.

As a constantly screwing up, immature, ridiculous, and strange teenager, I can't quite presume to tell anyone how to live their lives, or really even give them advice on it. I can, however (because this blog that you're reading, it's mine. so deal with it ;]), mention some things that I feel have been a good thing in my life, and, if you so choose to also adopt them then...POWER TO YOU!

Smile.
I cannot stress this enough. it's beautiful and wonderful, and it'll improve everything.

Find the humor in things.
This ones a tough one, but at the end of the day, find a way to laugh about things. Or smile.

Everything happens for a reason, and it works out for the best.
I tell myself this pretty much everyday. Sometimes I forget it, but it does make things better to remember it.

Embrace imperfection, but strive to be your best.
Nobody is perfect. There's beauty in all things imperfect, if you look hard enough. No matter how you feel about yourself, you're amazing. This is not to say there's never space for improvement. We have to all try to be our best, but don't ever hate yourself, or anyone.

If you have an enemy, good for you.
Someone is jealous enough of you to try to make you look bad.

If you have an enemy, be even nicer to everyone, including them.
I don't care how bad it sounds, but everyone ends up liking you and they end up feeling stupid.

Be somebody you can admire.
Be unafraid, be beautiful, be fabulous, be shocking, be smart, be silly, be deep, be ridiculous, be argumentative, be magnificent, be better than you thought you could be. Be someone that can be looked up to. Remember, little kids, adults, peers, they can be touched by just a little bit aof your passion and be changed forever. Be a good change.

To thine own self be true.
To quote Polonius, Scene 3, Act 1, Hamlet by Shakespeare. Seriously. Be who you are. Don't let people tell you that you have to be and act a certain way. Individuality is not being afraid to act stupid sometimes. (By the way, if you feel the inexplicable urge to do terrible things and call that being true to yourself, I'd suggest you go to therapy because you are SERIOUSLY confused.)

Anyways, thanks for listening to me talk. Don't hate me if this doesn't work for you.

iloveyouguys,

hanhan :]

The moral of the story is...

Be kind to yourself.
It makes it easier to be kind to others.
BECAUSE I decided to try an experiement today, I went shopping and was as nice as I could be.
BECAUSE I went shopping, I was in a good mood.
Because I was in a good mood, and I was smiling and happy, I had a great conversation with the lady in the line behind me, who actually paid for one of my shirts because she though I was sweet. Without me asking, or even looking at her.
BECAUSE that cheered me up, I went home smiling, and got to take the little girl I baby sit to the park.
BECAUSE I went to the park, some guy started talking to me and I may have the opportunity to make more money and baby sit his adorable kid.
BECAUSE of that I was a little more comfortable paying for my dinner when I went out with people.
BECAUSE of that, I had way more fun.
BECAUSE of all the fun I have, I met someone who could actually cut my hair in a pixie, like I wanted really badly.
BECAUSE of that, I'm a happy camper.

The end.
The moral of my day is: Be nice to others, and they'll be nice to you. Be nice to yourself, and others will be encouraged to be that nice too.

Being there.

Everyone should be strong sometimes. But other times, it's okay to give into to being sad. It's okay to cry. It's okay to rant and let it all out. You're even allowed to fall apart if you need too. You might wonder how anyone can do that, when the people surrounding them are not to be trusted. I mean, you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO BE STRONG ALL THE TIME IN FRONT OF PEOPLE WHO CARE SO MUCH ABOUT YOU. Right?

Wrong. Believe it or not darlings, people who care about you are there so you can fall apart. Its their job to help put you back together. Thats what friends are for. It seems like a hard thing to do, to trust someone enough to let go and cry, to let go and let them be there for you. And it is. I think I've done it...once. Maybe.

The point is, let people be there for you. They might surprise you.

Love from hanhan (If you need me, I promise, I'll ALWAYS be there.)

Fleeting.

Fleeting

Laughing
Dancing
Smiling
Loving
Leaving
Hurting
Crying
Gone.

Life is fleeting. Loves are fleeting.
They comes, you laugh at their jokes, because everything they do makes you giddy and you giggle. You dance around each other, teasing and twirling until smiling, you fall into their arms, loving them, and they loves you. Suddenly, one of you has to leave. It hurts, and you cry, trying to release the pain. Then they're gone, and you realize how you would have done anything to get that time back.

Hello all! I'm so excited I get to say all, because more than one person saw my last blog post :] I see that, because you hit the little boxes. Now we need to teach you guys to comment. but that'll come, that'll come. ANYWHO. Thanks for putting up with that little rant thing. Let's just say, some people can be very very irritating, and runs without music make you think way to much. I hope you enjoyed the last post though, and it wasn't too angry or boring or uninteresting...

THIS IS WHY YOU NEED TO COMMENT. I never know what to write about. Give me topics people! Just, do hanhan a favor? if you read this, write in a comment an idea for a topic on another post, or a question, anything! I'm opening up the next post for you guys, because there's more than one of you. So go ahead, and comment it up!

Love form hanhan :]

I'll remember you you ignorant pig.

You think I'll forget you? You who shaped who I am now, and affected my life so much? Fat chance.

I remember more people and things than you've ever even guessed. I remember my first day of preschool in Virginia, when I was afraid, but I thought it'd be okay because my best friend was in the class. I remember not being able to draw in the lines ever. I remember having a crush on this boy Kevin, and getting jealous when my friend Victoria talked to him. I remember my friend Emily getting saddle shoes, and then I got them too, because they were so cool. I remember when my teacher made me sit out of ballet because I missed my mom and wasn't behaving. I remember my brother's best friend's older sisters dressing me up like a doll, and I remember that I wasn't supposed to complain when they pulled my hair.

I remember my friend Amelia, who not only have the coolest name, but also always got the yummiest berries from the Shwan man, which her mom always gave us. I remember my friends all crying a week before we left for Hawaii. I didn't know why they were crying, because I still had a week left, which was like an eternity. I remember receiving an apology letter from my friend Brendan when I wasn't speaking to him because he wouldn't marry me. I remember when we left for Hawaii, we drove to California and went to Lego land, and I got a princess wand and my brother got a foam sword.

I remember our first house in Hawaii, and thinking the bamboo was so cool, and playing hide and seek in it. I remember 9/11, coming out of my room and seeing my mother crying even though it was her birthday. I remember seeing the TV show those planes crash over and over. I remember my best friend Grace, who was way older than me. She collected beanie babies, and we were going to write a book. She had the most beautiful green velvet dress she wanted to wear for prom one day. I remember having a big sleepover at my house with all my friends, and mom making us pancakes.

I remember The plays we were in. I remember being in the Julius Caesar skit, and not being able to keep from giggling because I was in love with the guy who was Caesar. I remembeer the girl who put geckos on her ears as earrings, and threw them in the pool when they were bad. I remember how excited I was to play Juliet, dance around the maypole, AND be a fairy in the big kids play. I remember a girl, I think her name was Erin, who was older, tell me how she though this guy Kazdan was cute, and then she made me promise not to tell. I remember the big metal things I used to climb on, and how hurt I was when this girl Brittany was mean to me. I remember meeting all these new girls, and the family with 12 kids in 2 hotel rooms for a year. I remember getting rollerblades and a scooter because everyone had them. I remember my first communion dress being my mother's, and being really short when everyone else's was long.

I remember NJ, living in the house on 34, my Shakespeare club, helping dad build the treehouse, my best friend Allison. I remember starting cheer, and how nervous I was and how I had no friends. I remember how proud I was when my Shakespeare club put on our play after I had arranged for the building and everything. I remember singing Ave Maria in Church, and shaking the whole time. I remember piano lessons. I remember Altar Serving. I remember our Pinecone wars. I remember So much more than that.

I'll remember you. I'll never forget how you affected my life. If I remember all this from before I was 12, I'll remember you, and everything you put me through. So don't tell me what I will and won't remember.

please.

I tend to think about the past a lot. Things that happened, good and bad, mostly bad. I try to figure out what I could have done better or different. I imagine what my life would be like now if I had said this, or not said that, if I had done this differently, or not even considered doing that. In case anyone is curious, this is an awful game to play with your memories, manipulating them into something that you would have wanted now.

I've been playing this game a lot lately, and being really anti-social and locking myself in my room all alone for the past few days. My mom is getting worried, but I don't care because I'm still trying to play this game with myself. When I hide, I have the most perfect life imaginable. I've done everything right, everyone still likes me, I'm loved by all these people, I'm beautiful, I'm really smart, I get good grades, and I'm thinking about expensive colleges that would take me on a full scholarship. I realize that this is crazy.

Dreaming, day-dreaming, re-imagining your life can make everything else seem to suck. The reality of my life lately is not the perfect one I laid out in the above paragraph. The reality is that I'm waiting, holding onto the hope that someone will pull me up and out of this. I've lain in my bed for the past few days, and just stared at my phone, waiting for someone to care enough about me to want to say hi, and drag me out of my house.

I don't like to be dependant on other people. But I need to be. I need to be loved, I need to be cared about, I need to be payed attention to. I'm sorry I'm so needy, but it happens sometimes. Anyway, this counts as a blog update. Enjoy. =.=

Love from hanhan.

YOUTH2000

So this weekend was amazing. like seriously, I loved it. AND. I got a little story/analogy/thought process for you all! YAY!

Youth 2000 NY retreat, Saturday night. We did a Eucharistic procession around Kellenberg, with candles and music and everything. It was so beautiful. EXCEPT for the fact that the candles kept blowing out and melting on us, and you had to keep re-lighting the candles off of each other, or from the big candles guiding us on the path. While I re-lit my candle for the 22 time, I started thinking. The candles that we were all holding, could represent us, could represent our faith. The wind that either put them out, or almost did, was like the things of the world, our own personal struggles with sin. When our candles went out, and we relit them from other candles, its like going to confession. We go to the priest, confess our sins and are truly sorry for them, and they are removed, and we are given many graces and new light.

In the end of the walk, we all knelt with our lighted candles around the monstrance with Jesus in it. Around that, there were mirrors and our light reflected off them to the rest of the empty field, where it was dark. We are called to be that light. The light that we have, Jesus' love, is meant to be sent out to the world. We are meant to let our light praise him, like we did with our candles, lighting up the monstrance.

So go out and spread your light. Have a great week!

Love from hanhan :]

You can barely call this a blog anymore!

DOUBLE BLOGGING TODAY! *GASP*

I know. I'm utterly lazy and never ever post enough. But I got yelled at, so now I'll be more diligent about this lovely blog that like 2 people read. I'm starting to think that the low quality of my writing may somewhat be affecting the low amount of people who read this :3 Ya think? Nah. Anyways, GUESS WHAT Y'ALL! ...What? oh. I said Y'all. thats scary enough for you. Its like the worst horror movie ever.Not that I've ever watched one. I feel like horror movies are movies that are only watched by guys with some girl they like to get the girl to jump into their lap. Ya know? yikes.

Okay. So, I just read that paragraph and I realized how completely and utterly off topic I get. Please feel free to be amused by the randomness. Another random side note, DAUGHTRY + TEXTING + FACEBOOKCREEPING + COFFEE<3 + GEOMETRY + NOT PACKING + LACK OF SLEEP = a very funny random hyper hanhan!

love from hanhan=]

Smile please :]

SMILE.

You know whats so irritating? Of course you do! The answer to this is...**drumrollplease**

PEOPLE WHO NEVER EVER SMILE EVER. Yes. It's annoying and ridiculous. Why would you not smile? Tragic beauty never lasts. Happy Beauty, thats a stunner for sure. You want people to like you? SMILE! It shows you're confident, happy, and that you like being with whoever you're with. Smiling releases chemicals in your brain that make you happy, that cheer you up. HERE. I googled reasons to smile. Here's the top ones!

Smiling Makes Us Attractive
We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away -- but a smile draws them in
Smiling Changes Our Mood
Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There's a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.

Smiling Is Contagious
When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you.

Smiling Relieves Stress
Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a smile. The stress should be reduced and you'll be better able to take action.

Smiling Boosts Your Immune System
Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed. Prevent the flu and colds by smiling.

Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure
When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?

Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin
Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug.

Smiling Lifts the Face and Makes You Look Younger
The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear younger. Don't go for a face lift, just try smiling your way through the day -- you'll look younger and feel better.


Smiling Helps You Stay Positive
Try this test: Smile. Now try to think of something negative without losing the smile. It's hard. When we smile our body is sending the rest of us a message that "Life is Good!" Stay away from depression, stress and worry by smiling.

Okay. well thats me and the internet's two cents. NOW GO SPREAD YOUR SMILES! You'll thank me later!

Love from hanhan :]

Gr.

Hey there.

So, not to start off this by complaining, but I'm going to anyway. I'm having a reallly bad day. Why, you might ask, would I, hanhan, be having a bad day? good question. I'll answer it.

FIRSTLY. I got up at 5 AM and went to a three hour long workout, and have been running this entire day on less than six hours of sleep. Its very bad. When I don't sleep, my head hurts, I feel lethargic and sick. I get nasty to everyone, and everything is magnified x 349675. Yup.

SECOND. Ow. sunburn. nuff said.

THIRD. My brother is incapable of doing anything himself. Seriously, no joke. My mother made me call the pool for him, and we couldn't find the number for half an hour. But, instead of making him take care of finding out what time him class is, she made me do it. Cool.

LAST. But not least...well, maybe least. This one is the cherry of the figurative top of this lovely little narrative sundae. A person who left my life recently popped back in briefly. Their reason for this? To tell me all how amazing all their time was with me, and how much they loved everything about it, and how happy they were then. They told me all of this and then basically popped away again, just to be on the outskirts of my little world, floating there, popping around leaving me with little messages that make me want it all back. This is bad. This makes hanhan want to cry many salty tears.


K. done.

badthings and goodthings

You really have to think about all the good things in life. And be grateful for them. You also have to think about the bad things, and see how little they are compared to the great things! If you look at my list that I made in fifteen-ish minutes, The bad things aren't that bad, and the good things are a much longer list.

Good things I love

Beautiful friends
Family
Chocolate
God
Youth group
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Marathons
Hot dogs for dinner
Coffee
Air Conditioner
Swimming
Smiles
Laughing
Babies
Dresses
No plans
Cats


Bad things

Having friends that are much too pretty
Doubting yourself
Not having exciting plans
Lack of coffee headaches
Babies crying
Being in a bad mood
Being sleepy

Love from hanhan =]

ahhh feelingss.

Friendships are weird. Feelings are weird. You can be so close with someone. You let them in, really let them in, trust them not to leave, everything. And then suddenly, everything changes, and they leave. When they're gone, suddenly, it feels like your heart is ripped a little, a little broken almost, and then you have to fix it.

SO you repair the little hole in your heart where they used to live. It gets better really really slowly, really painfully. You fill it up over time, so its basically okay, and you can go on with life as it was, almost. Its still there, but its patched up, and you're okay again.

Well, they come back. Once, twice, and leave, and come back, and leave. You keep trying to go back to them, but it doesn't feel the same. They don't fill the hole they made when they left any more. After awhile, you start to realize how you've stopped missing them, because they're different and so are you. There's no more going back to them. There's just...whatever. Then everything is okay. The End.

Love from hanhan =]

I want...

I want more from this world
than a boy who is "hot"
I want more from this world
than the stuff which is not.
I want too much to hold
And then too much to touch.
All I want in the end is
To feel real love.
And the sun won't set for me.
And the moon won't rise.
And the sky won't change colors
just to match my eyes.
I want more than a smile
Way more than a frown.
I want a middle between
Standing up and lying down.
I want power and painlessness
Happiness, no sadness.
Control over everything
that I can't even touch.
And the sun won't set for me.
And the moon won't rise.
And the sky won't change colors
just to match my eyes.