Everyone should be strong sometimes. But other times, it's okay to give into to being sad. It's okay to cry. It's okay to rant and let it all out. You're even allowed to fall apart if you need too. You might wonder how anyone can do that, when the people surrounding them are not to be trusted. I mean, you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO BE STRONG ALL THE TIME IN FRONT OF PEOPLE WHO CARE SO MUCH ABOUT YOU. Right?
Wrong. Believe it or not darlings, people who care about you are there so you can fall apart. Its their job to help put you back together. Thats what friends are for. It seems like a hard thing to do, to trust someone enough to let go and cry, to let go and let them be there for you. And it is. I think I've done it...once. Maybe.
The point is, let people be there for you. They might surprise you.
Love from hanhan (If you need me, I promise, I'll ALWAYS be there.)
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Fleeting.
Fleeting
Laughing
Dancing
Smiling
Loving
Leaving
Hurting
Crying
Gone.
Life is fleeting. Loves are fleeting.
They comes, you laugh at their jokes, because everything they do makes you giddy and you giggle. You dance around each other, teasing and twirling until smiling, you fall into their arms, loving them, and they loves you. Suddenly, one of you has to leave. It hurts, and you cry, trying to release the pain. Then they're gone, and you realize how you would have done anything to get that time back.
Laughing
Dancing
Smiling
Loving
Leaving
Hurting
Crying
Gone.
Life is fleeting. Loves are fleeting.
They comes, you laugh at their jokes, because everything they do makes you giddy and you giggle. You dance around each other, teasing and twirling until smiling, you fall into their arms, loving them, and they loves you. Suddenly, one of you has to leave. It hurts, and you cry, trying to release the pain. Then they're gone, and you realize how you would have done anything to get that time back.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Hello all! I'm so excited I get to say all, because more than one person saw my last blog post :] I see that, because you hit the little boxes. Now we need to teach you guys to comment. but that'll come, that'll come. ANYWHO. Thanks for putting up with that little rant thing. Let's just say, some people can be very very irritating, and runs without music make you think way to much. I hope you enjoyed the last post though, and it wasn't too angry or boring or uninteresting...
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED TO COMMENT. I never know what to write about. Give me topics people! Just, do hanhan a favor? if you read this, write in a comment an idea for a topic on another post, or a question, anything! I'm opening up the next post for you guys, because there's more than one of you. So go ahead, and comment it up!
Love form hanhan :]
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED TO COMMENT. I never know what to write about. Give me topics people! Just, do hanhan a favor? if you read this, write in a comment an idea for a topic on another post, or a question, anything! I'm opening up the next post for you guys, because there's more than one of you. So go ahead, and comment it up!
Love form hanhan :]
Monday, July 26, 2010
I'll remember you you ignorant pig.
You think I'll forget you? You who shaped who I am now, and affected my life so much? Fat chance.
I remember more people and things than you've ever even guessed. I remember my first day of preschool in Virginia, when I was afraid, but I thought it'd be okay because my best friend was in the class. I remember not being able to draw in the lines ever. I remember having a crush on this boy Kevin, and getting jealous when my friend Victoria talked to him. I remember my friend Emily getting saddle shoes, and then I got them too, because they were so cool. I remember when my teacher made me sit out of ballet because I missed my mom and wasn't behaving. I remember my brother's best friend's older sisters dressing me up like a doll, and I remember that I wasn't supposed to complain when they pulled my hair.
I remember my friend Amelia, who not only have the coolest name, but also always got the yummiest berries from the Shwan man, which her mom always gave us. I remember my friends all crying a week before we left for Hawaii. I didn't know why they were crying, because I still had a week left, which was like an eternity. I remember receiving an apology letter from my friend Brendan when I wasn't speaking to him because he wouldn't marry me. I remember when we left for Hawaii, we drove to California and went to Lego land, and I got a princess wand and my brother got a foam sword.
I remember our first house in Hawaii, and thinking the bamboo was so cool, and playing hide and seek in it. I remember 9/11, coming out of my room and seeing my mother crying even though it was her birthday. I remember seeing the TV show those planes crash over and over. I remember my best friend Grace, who was way older than me. She collected beanie babies, and we were going to write a book. She had the most beautiful green velvet dress she wanted to wear for prom one day. I remember having a big sleepover at my house with all my friends, and mom making us pancakes.
I remember The plays we were in. I remember being in the Julius Caesar skit, and not being able to keep from giggling because I was in love with the guy who was Caesar. I remembeer the girl who put geckos on her ears as earrings, and threw them in the pool when they were bad. I remember how excited I was to play Juliet, dance around the maypole, AND be a fairy in the big kids play. I remember a girl, I think her name was Erin, who was older, tell me how she though this guy Kazdan was cute, and then she made me promise not to tell. I remember the big metal things I used to climb on, and how hurt I was when this girl Brittany was mean to me. I remember meeting all these new girls, and the family with 12 kids in 2 hotel rooms for a year. I remember getting rollerblades and a scooter because everyone had them. I remember my first communion dress being my mother's, and being really short when everyone else's was long.
I remember NJ, living in the house on 34, my Shakespeare club, helping dad build the treehouse, my best friend Allison. I remember starting cheer, and how nervous I was and how I had no friends. I remember how proud I was when my Shakespeare club put on our play after I had arranged for the building and everything. I remember singing Ave Maria in Church, and shaking the whole time. I remember piano lessons. I remember Altar Serving. I remember our Pinecone wars. I remember So much more than that.
I'll remember you. I'll never forget how you affected my life. If I remember all this from before I was 12, I'll remember you, and everything you put me through. So don't tell me what I will and won't remember.
I remember more people and things than you've ever even guessed. I remember my first day of preschool in Virginia, when I was afraid, but I thought it'd be okay because my best friend was in the class. I remember not being able to draw in the lines ever. I remember having a crush on this boy Kevin, and getting jealous when my friend Victoria talked to him. I remember my friend Emily getting saddle shoes, and then I got them too, because they were so cool. I remember when my teacher made me sit out of ballet because I missed my mom and wasn't behaving. I remember my brother's best friend's older sisters dressing me up like a doll, and I remember that I wasn't supposed to complain when they pulled my hair.
I remember my friend Amelia, who not only have the coolest name, but also always got the yummiest berries from the Shwan man, which her mom always gave us. I remember my friends all crying a week before we left for Hawaii. I didn't know why they were crying, because I still had a week left, which was like an eternity. I remember receiving an apology letter from my friend Brendan when I wasn't speaking to him because he wouldn't marry me. I remember when we left for Hawaii, we drove to California and went to Lego land, and I got a princess wand and my brother got a foam sword.
I remember our first house in Hawaii, and thinking the bamboo was so cool, and playing hide and seek in it. I remember 9/11, coming out of my room and seeing my mother crying even though it was her birthday. I remember seeing the TV show those planes crash over and over. I remember my best friend Grace, who was way older than me. She collected beanie babies, and we were going to write a book. She had the most beautiful green velvet dress she wanted to wear for prom one day. I remember having a big sleepover at my house with all my friends, and mom making us pancakes.
I remember The plays we were in. I remember being in the Julius Caesar skit, and not being able to keep from giggling because I was in love with the guy who was Caesar. I remembeer the girl who put geckos on her ears as earrings, and threw them in the pool when they were bad. I remember how excited I was to play Juliet, dance around the maypole, AND be a fairy in the big kids play. I remember a girl, I think her name was Erin, who was older, tell me how she though this guy Kazdan was cute, and then she made me promise not to tell. I remember the big metal things I used to climb on, and how hurt I was when this girl Brittany was mean to me. I remember meeting all these new girls, and the family with 12 kids in 2 hotel rooms for a year. I remember getting rollerblades and a scooter because everyone had them. I remember my first communion dress being my mother's, and being really short when everyone else's was long.
I remember NJ, living in the house on 34, my Shakespeare club, helping dad build the treehouse, my best friend Allison. I remember starting cheer, and how nervous I was and how I had no friends. I remember how proud I was when my Shakespeare club put on our play after I had arranged for the building and everything. I remember singing Ave Maria in Church, and shaking the whole time. I remember piano lessons. I remember Altar Serving. I remember our Pinecone wars. I remember So much more than that.
I'll remember you. I'll never forget how you affected my life. If I remember all this from before I was 12, I'll remember you, and everything you put me through. So don't tell me what I will and won't remember.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
please.
I tend to think about the past a lot. Things that happened, good and bad, mostly bad. I try to figure out what I could have done better or different. I imagine what my life would be like now if I had said this, or not said that, if I had done this differently, or not even considered doing that. In case anyone is curious, this is an awful game to play with your memories, manipulating them into something that you would have wanted now.
I've been playing this game a lot lately, and being really anti-social and locking myself in my room all alone for the past few days. My mom is getting worried, but I don't care because I'm still trying to play this game with myself. When I hide, I have the most perfect life imaginable. I've done everything right, everyone still likes me, I'm loved by all these people, I'm beautiful, I'm really smart, I get good grades, and I'm thinking about expensive colleges that would take me on a full scholarship. I realize that this is crazy.
Dreaming, day-dreaming, re-imagining your life can make everything else seem to suck. The reality of my life lately is not the perfect one I laid out in the above paragraph. The reality is that I'm waiting, holding onto the hope that someone will pull me up and out of this. I've lain in my bed for the past few days, and just stared at my phone, waiting for someone to care enough about me to want to say hi, and drag me out of my house.
I don't like to be dependant on other people. But I need to be. I need to be loved, I need to be cared about, I need to be payed attention to. I'm sorry I'm so needy, but it happens sometimes. Anyway, this counts as a blog update. Enjoy. =.=
Love from hanhan.
I've been playing this game a lot lately, and being really anti-social and locking myself in my room all alone for the past few days. My mom is getting worried, but I don't care because I'm still trying to play this game with myself. When I hide, I have the most perfect life imaginable. I've done everything right, everyone still likes me, I'm loved by all these people, I'm beautiful, I'm really smart, I get good grades, and I'm thinking about expensive colleges that would take me on a full scholarship. I realize that this is crazy.
Dreaming, day-dreaming, re-imagining your life can make everything else seem to suck. The reality of my life lately is not the perfect one I laid out in the above paragraph. The reality is that I'm waiting, holding onto the hope that someone will pull me up and out of this. I've lain in my bed for the past few days, and just stared at my phone, waiting for someone to care enough about me to want to say hi, and drag me out of my house.
I don't like to be dependant on other people. But I need to be. I need to be loved, I need to be cared about, I need to be payed attention to. I'm sorry I'm so needy, but it happens sometimes. Anyway, this counts as a blog update. Enjoy. =.=
Love from hanhan.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
YOUTH2000
So this weekend was amazing. like seriously, I loved it. AND. I got a little story/analogy/thought process for you all! YAY!
Youth 2000 NY retreat, Saturday night. We did a Eucharistic procession around Kellenberg, with candles and music and everything. It was so beautiful. EXCEPT for the fact that the candles kept blowing out and melting on us, and you had to keep re-lighting the candles off of each other, or from the big candles guiding us on the path. While I re-lit my candle for the 22 time, I started thinking. The candles that we were all holding, could represent us, could represent our faith. The wind that either put them out, or almost did, was like the things of the world, our own personal struggles with sin. When our candles went out, and we relit them from other candles, its like going to confession. We go to the priest, confess our sins and are truly sorry for them, and they are removed, and we are given many graces and new light.
In the end of the walk, we all knelt with our lighted candles around the monstrance with Jesus in it. Around that, there were mirrors and our light reflected off them to the rest of the empty field, where it was dark. We are called to be that light. The light that we have, Jesus' love, is meant to be sent out to the world. We are meant to let our light praise him, like we did with our candles, lighting up the monstrance.
So go out and spread your light. Have a great week!
Love from hanhan :]
Youth 2000 NY retreat, Saturday night. We did a Eucharistic procession around Kellenberg, with candles and music and everything. It was so beautiful. EXCEPT for the fact that the candles kept blowing out and melting on us, and you had to keep re-lighting the candles off of each other, or from the big candles guiding us on the path. While I re-lit my candle for the 22 time, I started thinking. The candles that we were all holding, could represent us, could represent our faith. The wind that either put them out, or almost did, was like the things of the world, our own personal struggles with sin. When our candles went out, and we relit them from other candles, its like going to confession. We go to the priest, confess our sins and are truly sorry for them, and they are removed, and we are given many graces and new light.
In the end of the walk, we all knelt with our lighted candles around the monstrance with Jesus in it. Around that, there were mirrors and our light reflected off them to the rest of the empty field, where it was dark. We are called to be that light. The light that we have, Jesus' love, is meant to be sent out to the world. We are meant to let our light praise him, like we did with our candles, lighting up the monstrance.
So go out and spread your light. Have a great week!
Love from hanhan :]
Thursday, July 15, 2010
You can barely call this a blog anymore!
DOUBLE BLOGGING TODAY! *GASP*
I know. I'm utterly lazy and never ever post enough. But I got yelled at, so now I'll be more diligent about this lovely blog that like 2 people read. I'm starting to think that the low quality of my writing may somewhat be affecting the low amount of people who read this :3 Ya think? Nah. Anyways, GUESS WHAT Y'ALL! ...What? oh. I said Y'all. thats scary enough for you. Its like the worst horror movie ever.Not that I've ever watched one. I feel like horror movies are movies that are only watched by guys with some girl they like to get the girl to jump into their lap. Ya know? yikes.
Okay. So, I just read that paragraph and I realized how completely and utterly off topic I get. Please feel free to be amused by the randomness. Another random side note, DAUGHTRY + TEXTING + FACEBOOKCREEPING + COFFEE<3 + GEOMETRY + NOT PACKING + LACK OF SLEEP = a very funny random hyper hanhan!
love from hanhan=]
I know. I'm utterly lazy and never ever post enough. But I got yelled at, so now I'll be more diligent about this lovely blog that like 2 people read. I'm starting to think that the low quality of my writing may somewhat be affecting the low amount of people who read this :3 Ya think? Nah. Anyways, GUESS WHAT Y'ALL! ...What? oh. I said Y'all. thats scary enough for you. Its like the worst horror movie ever.Not that I've ever watched one. I feel like horror movies are movies that are only watched by guys with some girl they like to get the girl to jump into their lap. Ya know? yikes.
Okay. So, I just read that paragraph and I realized how completely and utterly off topic I get. Please feel free to be amused by the randomness. Another random side note, DAUGHTRY + TEXTING + FACEBOOKCREEPING + COFFEE<3 + GEOMETRY + NOT PACKING + LACK OF SLEEP = a very funny random hyper hanhan!
love from hanhan=]
Smile please :]
SMILE.
You know whats so irritating? Of course you do! The answer to this is...**drumrollplease**
PEOPLE WHO NEVER EVER SMILE EVER. Yes. It's annoying and ridiculous. Why would you not smile? Tragic beauty never lasts. Happy Beauty, thats a stunner for sure. You want people to like you? SMILE! It shows you're confident, happy, and that you like being with whoever you're with. Smiling releases chemicals in your brain that make you happy, that cheer you up. HERE. I googled reasons to smile. Here's the top ones!
Smiling Makes Us Attractive
We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away -- but a smile draws them in
Smiling Changes Our Mood
Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There's a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.
Smiling Is Contagious
When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you.
Smiling Relieves Stress
Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a smile. The stress should be reduced and you'll be better able to take action.
Smiling Boosts Your Immune System
Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed. Prevent the flu and colds by smiling.
Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure
When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?
Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin
Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug.
Smiling Lifts the Face and Makes You Look Younger
The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear younger. Don't go for a face lift, just try smiling your way through the day -- you'll look younger and feel better.
Smiling Helps You Stay Positive
Try this test: Smile. Now try to think of something negative without losing the smile. It's hard. When we smile our body is sending the rest of us a message that "Life is Good!" Stay away from depression, stress and worry by smiling.
Okay. well thats me and the internet's two cents. NOW GO SPREAD YOUR SMILES! You'll thank me later!
Love from hanhan :]
You know whats so irritating? Of course you do! The answer to this is...**drumrollplease**
PEOPLE WHO NEVER EVER SMILE EVER. Yes. It's annoying and ridiculous. Why would you not smile? Tragic beauty never lasts. Happy Beauty, thats a stunner for sure. You want people to like you? SMILE! It shows you're confident, happy, and that you like being with whoever you're with. Smiling releases chemicals in your brain that make you happy, that cheer you up. HERE. I googled reasons to smile. Here's the top ones!
Smiling Makes Us Attractive
We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away -- but a smile draws them in
Smiling Changes Our Mood
Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There's a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.
Smiling Is Contagious
When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you.
Smiling Relieves Stress
Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a smile. The stress should be reduced and you'll be better able to take action.
Smiling Boosts Your Immune System
Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed. Prevent the flu and colds by smiling.
Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure
When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?
Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin
Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug.
Smiling Lifts the Face and Makes You Look Younger
The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear younger. Don't go for a face lift, just try smiling your way through the day -- you'll look younger and feel better.
Smiling Helps You Stay Positive
Try this test: Smile. Now try to think of something negative without losing the smile. It's hard. When we smile our body is sending the rest of us a message that "Life is Good!" Stay away from depression, stress and worry by smiling.
Okay. well thats me and the internet's two cents. NOW GO SPREAD YOUR SMILES! You'll thank me later!
Love from hanhan :]
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Gr.
Hey there.
So, not to start off this by complaining, but I'm going to anyway. I'm having a reallly bad day. Why, you might ask, would I, hanhan, be having a bad day? good question. I'll answer it.
FIRSTLY. I got up at 5 AM and went to a three hour long workout, and have been running this entire day on less than six hours of sleep. Its very bad. When I don't sleep, my head hurts, I feel lethargic and sick. I get nasty to everyone, and everything is magnified x 349675. Yup.
SECOND. Ow. sunburn. nuff said.
THIRD. My brother is incapable of doing anything himself. Seriously, no joke. My mother made me call the pool for him, and we couldn't find the number for half an hour. But, instead of making him take care of finding out what time him class is, she made me do it. Cool.
LAST. But not least...well, maybe least. This one is the cherry of the figurative top of this lovely little narrative sundae. A person who left my life recently popped back in briefly. Their reason for this? To tell me all how amazing all their time was with me, and how much they loved everything about it, and how happy they were then. They told me all of this and then basically popped away again, just to be on the outskirts of my little world, floating there, popping around leaving me with little messages that make me want it all back. This is bad. This makes hanhan want to cry many salty tears.
K. done.
So, not to start off this by complaining, but I'm going to anyway. I'm having a reallly bad day. Why, you might ask, would I, hanhan, be having a bad day? good question. I'll answer it.
FIRSTLY. I got up at 5 AM and went to a three hour long workout, and have been running this entire day on less than six hours of sleep. Its very bad. When I don't sleep, my head hurts, I feel lethargic and sick. I get nasty to everyone, and everything is magnified x 349675. Yup.
SECOND. Ow. sunburn. nuff said.
THIRD. My brother is incapable of doing anything himself. Seriously, no joke. My mother made me call the pool for him, and we couldn't find the number for half an hour. But, instead of making him take care of finding out what time him class is, she made me do it. Cool.
LAST. But not least...well, maybe least. This one is the cherry of the figurative top of this lovely little narrative sundae. A person who left my life recently popped back in briefly. Their reason for this? To tell me all how amazing all their time was with me, and how much they loved everything about it, and how happy they were then. They told me all of this and then basically popped away again, just to be on the outskirts of my little world, floating there, popping around leaving me with little messages that make me want it all back. This is bad. This makes hanhan want to cry many salty tears.
K. done.
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