STOMPSTOMPSTOMP

Guys, never underestimate the power of a good stomp. ever.

I was officially the nastiest person ever to everyone because nothing was going right. My computer is broken, I can't focus on this computer, my headphones are broken, my family is all sick and annoying me, I read all my books and I don't sleep well ever because I keep having nightmares. So I left my house for a run, but I didn't want to run because I'm all sore for no reason at all.

So I stomped, I ran a mile, to feel a LITTLE accomplished, and then I stomped around for like 2 miles with my dog, thinking angry thoughts until I was too tired to be angry, so I came in to write this for you all. *STOMPSTOMPSTOMP* I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN ENGLISHMAN. I'M A HUNGRY GIANT YA YA. Excuse that.

I'm gonna dye my hair brown soon, and I'm tres excited. Tswift's new album came out. Also exciting there, even though I have 0$ to buy it with. cool. Harry Potter is a good series, I finished it in two weeks. I'm gonna go shower because I'm gross. I'll try to write more. Love you guys <3

First friends.
First love.
First smile.
First tears.

First mistake.
First laughs.
First tries.

You're going to remember your firsts. Always. They're going to stick in your head and your heart, and influence how you act in everyday circumstances. First friends will always be loved, first loves will always make you wistful. First smiles and tears hold memories. Mistakes and laughter remind you of times gone away. First tries push you to try again. They're never going away. So embrace it all. 

Hey everyone.

So I've kind of been missing in action lately. And I really have no reason, so I'm sorry about that. I'm actually exhausted tonight. I'll write you a spectacular post tomorrow okay?
Love from hanhan :]

Ophelia

Hey everyone! So, I'm totally slacking off here about this whole Ophelia thing, and I thought I'd give it a little thought. ( Read a post by Allie here, in which she mentions Ophelia in a way you've never thought of!) But here's a quick introduction to Ophelia, for all you non-Shakespeare adorers. Ophelia is one of the Charaters from Hamlet, which is a tragedy. She has a really controlling dad named Polonius, whose like the new king's right hand man. The new king offed the old king, and the old king's son, Hamlet, is Ophelia's boyfriend. Hamlet goes pretty crazy to try to reveal the new king's evil-ness to the rest of the kingdom, so he can avenge his father's death. Hamlet ends up rebuffing Ophelia's love because her daddy is spying on them, and then he kills her dad by mistake. So then she drowns. Life really sucks.

Okay, so there are a lot of different interpretations of the character Ophelia's death. Some say its suicide, some say its just her giving up, and some say that she really did just drown, and its all an accident. As I'm playing Ophelia in an upcoming performance of Hamlet, I'm going to interpret her for ya.

Ophelia and Hamlet really did love each other, and if Hamlet wasn't the prince, they probably would have gotten married. The sad part is that they never got this opportunity. Hamlet's father died and the whole world was a mess. Ophelia and Hamlet never got their chance because Hamlet didn't have time for her anymore, and her father found out and started to control the relationship. He found out about things and forced Ophelia into spying for him so he could get points with the king.

Ophelia, even though she is being controlled, genuinely loves her father, no matter what he does, and when he dies, she is thrust into a state of madness brought on by sadness. She can't express her grief, so she is driven to insanity by everything that's happening. When she speaks of the flowers, she's trying to tell how she feels for the people, and although she's crazy, her messages are clear.

Lastly, Ophelia's death. In the play it says that a tree branch she was on broke out from underneath her and she fell into the water and drowned without a struggle. She's accused of killing herself in the play by another character, and others believe she  could really do nothing about it. I think that she died out of sadness. The branch broke, and she found herself in the water. After everything she's been through, she was just done and tired of living in a world of lies and death and pain. So she gave up, because this sweet death was so much easier for her.

I'm really excited to play Ophelia. She's pretty much the coolest character ever, and its going to be fun/hard. My nails are green. I'm tired. PSATS were this morning, and then Science and then CCD >.< Good bye blog!
P.S Read Allie's blog, she's a way better writer than I.

Love from hanhan ;]

Happy Happy happy

Its really kind of funny how things have started to work out. You've got everything you've always had, life still sucks for you and no matter what you do, nothing seems to change that. You go out with the same girls, just with different names. You have the same type of friends, usually not permanent, and unable to be there for you. Everything that happens is like a shred of drama that you keep living for, you make it into the huge thing.

Guess what. I'm grow-ed up now. I have the most amazing friends on the face of the earth, who are always there for me no matter what I do. I'm happy, life feels great and it just makes me laugh and smile whenever I think about how blessed I am. I'm not dependent on some guy to love me and everything. I don't need exciting, horrible dramatic events because I have so much better. Last year, that me would have thought the way you acted today was a big deal. BUT ITS NOT.

Homecoming was fab. I saw a bunch of people I wanted to see, and had a good time being shoved around and drinking a huge amount of purple Gatorade. Then we went to J's house and I went on jungle adventures with T and J and M, which was a blast. We made animal noises and a boat, J's rock fell off the boat first. I love his mother's Italian food. And Merry. AND OUR PICTURE ALBUM. And the swing set and the park. I'm a happy camper. I love my friends <3

Love from hanhan :]

Sometimes you need to forgive someone if you want to move on. Even if they don't deserve it. Get over yourself and move on, be friends again or make them go away. Just get on with life.

gahh

Dear blog.


I've recently been a hugely hormonal mess, which is not my fault, so I decided not to venture near the blog before I posted even more sad things. Which apparently, makes everything worse. Anyway, the bad times should be mostly over. for now :]
SO! Tomorrow is homecoming. I'm super excited. If I manage to live through tonight, (I wanna do two miles and I'm feeling pathetic.), Then it should be super groovy. Groovy is the word of the month/week. Because cool is boring now. We need better words, ones with more spunk and pinache. I think Pinache is a word. I read it somewhere. It's pronounced PIN-  AHH - shhh.

I have a thought. Shocking I know, but hear me out. Where does one draw the line between humility, being the bigger person, and being walked all over? I understand humility, I really do. I admire people who cultivate it and are able to do that. I'm trying, and its hard. I get being the bigger person too, that makes sense, I teach my little siblings that. And I get being walked all over.Its happened, not a fun experience. I don't want to be the only one fighting for these things to happen. Things that aren't my fault..not all my fault. many more thoughts to come soon....

gah

Stop....
too much....stress....too much...not right...help...help....too much....
Youth group
Youth band
Adult Choir
Chant choir
Children's choir
Science classes
Middle school nights
Babysitting
School
Hamlet
Friends?
Rosary
No time
School
Too much
Running
Track? spring.
helphelphelphelphelp.

yea

Its official.

I'm a
needyattentionseekingobnoxiousimpulsiveoutofshapemessylazyrudejealous
individual.
 I suppose I should find the positive, but tonight I just don't want too. I'm usually hard on myself, but tonight I feel l like I deserve each and every one of those titles. I really don't want to be that person anymore. I want to be:

Self assured, quiet, organized, smart, motivated, passionate, kind, loving, loved, okay with not being noticed.


Ben Franklin tried to master every virtue. He wrote down who he wanted to be and made them into habits. I think I should try that. This week, I will try to be quieter, less obnoxious, and think before I speak. I'll keep you posted, if you care to read.

two things guys.

Two things.

FIRST. OH MY SASSAFRAS. HOW DID I SURVIVE LAST YEAR THIS DAY/MONTH, I DON'T UNDERSTAND AT ALL. Well, I do. I was so happy exactly a year ago. Everything was so new and scary and exciting and interesting and I was "shy" and all these other things I'd never been to anyone. Even if these things weren't the truth from that person, because of a year ago, I've learned what the things that were said actually meant, and they don't mean what I had. There are so many better things I didn't even know about then, because of that.  I didn't have all the amazing friends I do now. I wasn't the person I am now. I never went through what I had to go through to learn how obnoxious and dramatic I was/am(still!). I thought I had it all figured out then, and I was so wrong. but HOW DID THIS HAPPEN. Its just weird. Okay.

SECOND. Why am I such a loser/idiot? I keep thinking, this is everyday now, of everything I said that was stupid. Or did that was stupid. Everything I've done or said ,looking back was ridiculous and obnoxious and dramatic. And this is just the past three days that are bothering me at the moment. and all of last year. >.< Oh geez. Better post tonight guys. HOPEFULLY. Don't be too excited >.<

Its going to be a fantastic day today. I'm really excited :] Maybe going out with T soon, and then Youth group tonight! How could things be better?

Note to self....Shut. up. BYE! 


Love from hanhan :]

P.S. Search Amazon.com for purity rings....If you do, and I think buy one, I get to make money!