Whoosh.

Whoosh. Crash. I shake my head as I pop out of the clear blue-green water, salt on my lips, hair slick, my little sister's hand in my own. She smiles at me, and laughs as a littler wave comes and whacks me in the face when I'm not paying attention.The water is cold, but not cold enough to make you shiver. The salt tingles on my cheeks, and another wave rolls up, foamy and white at the crest, maybe a foot above my head. JUMP! I smack my chest into it and a feeling of euphoria spreads through me. My little brother splashes me with the sea water, and my dad calls to him, "Merboy! leave your sister alone."

"Dad!" I'm shouting over the water and smiling like an idiot, jumping over waves as they come. " Dad, Hollis is a rat, not a merman." Everyone smiles and giggles and another wave comes, bigger than the rest, but I don't dive in time and it sweeps me with it in its course for the shore. This is my favorite thing about the beach. Sand swirls, limbs are everywhere, a jumble of body parts. Is that a sand crab or a shell? Seaweed in my hair, lungs begging for air. Finally, the wave lets me come up. Most people are scared by this, terror is all they feel when they almost drown in nature's roller coasters. I run out, and dive right back into the cool clear water, reminded how much I am in love with life, ready for the next wave.

In three words.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."~Robert Frost.

It goes on.

Sorry guys, I have a month of school left and I've been so busy. I'll get back to more blogging soon!

What makes the difference?

"You believe in coincidence. I believe in Jesus." <= this quote has nothing to do with the post, I just like it.

Today is Ryan's 16th birthday, and I know all of us on the earth still miss him a lot. A death is hard, no one knows how to react, and how to deal with a life that is lost, and you aren't ready for it. A person's life, their words, their smiles, everything that makes them them, affects someone else, possibly unexpectedly. I know when Ryan died, we lost a voice during rosary, the sound of him on guitar, someone to lock us in the basement and not tell anyone where we were, my brother's best friend. But the thing is, Ryan's still with us, if in a different capacity. Nobody doubts that Ryan is a saint, in heaven with God. As a saint, Ryan can continue to change peoples lives for the better. The memory of him, prayers for his intercession, they're all powerful and they can change things, even though his body isn't on earth anymore.

Some things don't make sense when they happen. Some things make you feel like God is punishing you, or being cruel, or doesn't even exist. It still doesn't make sense to me why some people have to leave the earth so young, but I can see good coming out of the bad. Its the difference you make, that's the value of a life. If you can touch at least one person, then you have done well in life. Even after he's gone, Ryan's life is still making a difference to people. So celebrate the life.

I pray to Ryan for help with the Autistic kids in track, or special needs kids, my voice(musical things) or my brother when he's moody(they were very good friends). I'm pretty sure he's help with anything though.

St. Ryan Barret, pray for us!

COUNTRY MUSIC

So I'm listening the country Music and this song comes on and it goes: "DOOO I NEED TO GIVEE UP AND GET ON WITH MY LIFEEEE?"...

And I just hear my brother go very quietly....

"probably?"
Funniest moment of the day.

Dear Mom...

Dear Mom,

Thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for me. Thank you for :

• Listening
• Fighting 
• Advice
• Clothes
• Tips
• Being there

My mom is amazing, honestly. My mother has been there for me more than anyone ever, more than my friends. She's the only person who I let help me when I break down and can;t deal with things, she's always there to listen, no matter what. She makes me food, and reminds me to go for a walk so I don't get fat. She talks me out of bad fashion choices (not that her's are that great :]) by giving me her "look" and mentioning that, "Well, I wouldn't wear that...". My mother tells me things about when she was my age and older, stories that remind me that she's human, shows me that she trusts me, and that she knows what she's talking about. She's a strong and confident and beautiful woman. 

Before I was born, she was a Marine, and she fought in Desert Storm/Sand. She could run marathons, and do hundreds of situps, make good looking guys pretend to be her boyfriend just by asking, and she basically succeeded in life. I hope one day, I can be like her, strong, confident, happy, comfortable in my own skin. She's funny, witty, intelligent, strong in her faith and supportive. 

Without my mom's support, I probably wouldn't have written this blog, done half the things I tried, learned how to wear makeup appropriately, learned how to talk to boys and have an actual healthy relationship. I wouldn't have ever had the shoulder I needed to cry on, the stability and the trust in my life thats so necessary to my sanity. I would have been sad a lot more, and unable to function as much as I do. I wouldn't even be homeschooled if it wasn't for her support. She let me do what I wanted, and let me get hurt and learn from it, even when she knew it was going to happen, because I needed to learn it for myself. 

Dear mommy, I hope we have many years of Nanny reruns, Hallmark movies, walks, rosaries, old movies, stories, sharing, learning to cook, shopping (even though your hopeless<3), Singing loud and offkey together, laughing, hula hooping, talking in the laundry room, rants in the car, patience, happiness, and learning. You are the best ever, and I thank God everyday that I got you as my mother. 

My mommy and me 

aaaaand another long day.

I may not be beautiful.
I may not always be right.
I may not always be fun to be around.
I may be a moody insecure mess sometimes.


But I'm here.

WHEREVER THAT MAY BE. anyway, I'm like super tired. I woke up at 6 AM today >.< and went to a lab and did math in the morning then did work at home then shopped for hamlet costumes and bought green skinny jeans? whatever. And then I went to CYO, and it was pretty eventful towards the end. Then I ran, and walked home. So lots of walking, no shleep ever, and got to see my biffleee(which made life suck less).

Anyway. Guys, I'll be writing a long post soon. There's been a lot on my mind lately due to recent events(not with me, with other people I'm close with, in case you were worried. you probably weren't.) And so, I go to stretch because I am in pain. And wait for my nightly phone call. And do pushups or something. And more math. AHADHFHKJHDGLJD. Bye.

love you guys so much,
hanhan <3