outside.present.here.

Today I went outside.

I heard: the rain, dripping off trees, down the drain, on the grass. My sisters talking about lacrosse and blueberries. My neighbors yelling in their garage.

I saw: Towels draped over the railing, the way my dad hates, Wet tress, wet cars, my baby sister with her baby stroller, blonde hair sparkling because of the rain caught in her unbrushed wild strands.

I tasted: Coffee on my tongue from earlier, its sweet, carmel, bitter aftertaste haunting my mouth like an unhappy ghost.

I smelled: wet grass, the smell of a storm, which is dangerous and yet remarkably peaceful, salty beach smells, coffee on my breath, the clean smell of everything that happens after/during rain.

I felt: damp all over, moisture on my skin and clothes. The weave of my chair on my calves and back and shoulders, a stretch in my hip and side, my phone vibrating in my life, pen solid in between three fingers, notebook, flimsy, metal spirals hard, digging grooves into my hand, paper smooth and comforting and safe.


Go outside and really be present.
Write me on of these in the comments!
Love,
hanhan <3

silence.

We're a culture afraid of silence and stillness.

There's always something to distract us. Music playing, phone buzzing, book open, computer on 500 different tabs, food being eaten friends and family to talk to, we're constantly communicating or doing something. "I'm busy!" you say. You might be busy, you probably are. But even as we go to sleep, we have something to keep us distracted. We're terrified. Scared of the quiet that surrounds us, and the thoughts that lie there, waiting to pounce on us and torture us and drive us insane. So we cover them, bury them deeper and deeper, never facing them, with the constant motion and distractions.

You can't be afraid of thoughts. Face them. Accept the truths you keep trying to suffocate and deal with them, otherwise your life is a lie.


And that is more terrifying than any amount of silence.

love,
hanhan ;3

pathetic.

Okay. So, I generally don't care about a lot of things, I used to care so much, and now I just give up. I don't even try. Its pathetic, and my life is becoming less of what I want it to be. I don't say whats on my mind, because I might hurt someone, and who am I to judge them anyway? Its not a good thing.
My friends, my boyfriend, my family, they're all passionate. I have no passion. I love my family, I love my boyfriend, I love my friends and if someone says or does something to them I'll hurt that person in any way I possibly can. But outside of that, I have no passions. So I'm basically failing at life.
I'm not talented, because I don't try. I'm not beautiful, because I stopped caring and cut off all my hair and like food and weird clothes. I want to be beautiful, special, I want to be valuable and talented, I want to matter, to have a purpose. BUT I DON'T BECAUSE I SUCK AT LIFE.

someone instill me with passions?

P.S: this is not a "cry for help" or a"I'm so sad my life sucks because I'm a failure compliment me pleaseee!" I'm not looking for your sympathy or compliments. but this is my blog and I write what I like about whats on my mind. KAY?

Love,
the pathetic one, hanhan <3333