Not sleeping

After 1 AM. I laid in bed for exactly 45.3 minutes. I couldn't take the thoughts running around in my head any more, and I can't take the stuff to help me sleep every night, and I've taken it the past 2 nights. My mother will take it away if she realizes how bad the sleeplessness is getting. Thats right guys. I think I might have a problem. I'm nocturnal. I sleep in the morning and am up all night.

Who even needs to sleep any way? Isn't that what coffee and Gatorade are for? To keep us awake and "rejuvenate" us? I'm just kidding. I know I need sleep. But I can't sleep when I don't know what to do, and when things don't go right. Right now, things are going the opposite of right. in fact, they're kind of going wrong. I have so much work to do. So many things to worry about. I know I should look at the bigger picture and be optimistic about everything. It's night though. I feel alone. And confused. And hurt. And abandoned. And I don't know why I feel that way.

I should be happy. I should be tired from my busy day. I should be relaxed, and not have problems. But no, I let the problem back into my life. and now its his move, and I'm waiting. I can't sleep when I'm excited or nervous. When I was little and it was Christmas Eve my parents would put us to bed later than usual, and I was so excited about Santa I barely slept at all. The night before I went to my first formal dance I went through all my outfit pieces at least 6 times, and slept for about 4 hours. The day before my audition for the show I'm in I practised all night and couldn't sleep at all.

So...hello today. April 10th in case you were wondering. I'm waiting for a boy to make it worth my while to forgive him again. I'm waiting for my best friend to tell me about the college she checked out. I'm waiting for Summer. I'm waiting for life to start, because its all sleeping. I'm waiting for my heart to piece itself back together again. I'm waiting for a lot. So, I'm not sleeping.

I just realized how random and off topic this post was. Its just a train of thought though, so its okay. I'm allowed to use this blog to write down the things going on in my head. About lack of sleep, waiting, everything.

Love from hanhan =]

Happy post

What are you thankful for? These posts have been much too depressing, so I'm going to cheer them up. Here's a list of things I'm thankful for!
~Sweet family
~GREAT friends <3
~An amazing pair of besties
~an awesome boy
~Iced Coffee
~GOD
~Music
~This blog
~Catching up, slowly but surely in math!
~My new haircut
~KITTENS!

The list could go one forever, and I'd let it do just that, but it proved its point and now I can move on in life. Try to make a list of the top 10 (or 11!) things you're thankful for. It put me in a better mood, so maybe it'll do the same for you!

Love from hanhan =]

meh.

I hate when you piss someone off by accident. You aren't even trying and suddenly they're annoyed and mad at you, and you don't want them to be mad because they mean a lot to you. Then suddenly, they're mad and you can't fix it, and then you feel bad because it's all your fault.

Then they realize that you're getting frustrated, and you work it out,but you can tell they're still kind of annoyed and you can't make it go away because you feel too down about making them mad to begin with. Then you realize that you had a good day with them, and you don't want to let this ruin it.

BUT, then they say something and you get annoyed but you're too afraid to say something because you don't want them to be mad at you after you just spent all that time working it out. So when they ask you what's wrong you say nothing, and ask them what's wrong and then you both force a laugh because you both just want anything to be good again.

Pwah. What a day.

Love from hanhan =]

weird days =p

I really really hate those days when everything just seems weird. You talk to a bunch of people, but you don't really feel very "with" them. You aren't happy except for a few times, you aren't sad except for some small stuff. You don't want to be where you are, and when you go somewhere else you want to be back home.

Today is one of those days. Actually, this whole week has been full of those days. I just want to go away and not be with my people, as much as I love them. I want to DO something besides school and rehearsal and sleep. But all I want to do is go away again, which is a stupid thing to want. Anyone else feeling kinda weird today or is that just me?

Writers block

WRITERS BLOCK! ITS HORRIBLE. I HATE IT. So...I'mma write you all a poem about it!

W: worst
R: randomly occuring
I: intensely annoying
T: terribly irritating
E: extremely obnoxious
R: REALLY BOTHERSOME
S: situation.

BLOCK.

End of the poem. How beautiful is that? Now I'm going to write something real.

Love from hanhan =]