concrete

When I was little and I used to watch TV, or movies, or look at pictures, or read books, or just see a group of people with both male and female beings, I would pair them up, girl/boy couples. I would decide that that's how they would be, and they would fall in love grow up and get married, and that would never change because that's how things were, that what I was taught to believe with all my fairy tales and happily ever afters.

I really kind of wish things and people had this kind if permanent concreteness nowadays, I miss it. A lot . People are together for a day, best friends for an hour, soul mates for a week. Today things just happen, but there is no dedication, no one cares when things get tough, they give up. I'm guilty of this, and so are a lot of other people. It just happens, and suddenly, the concreteness you counted on is gone.

I only bring this up because It's...bothering me. I want things like they were when I was five, when the song Hosanna In the Highest made me think of raisins,and clouds would be great to sleep in, and one day a knight in shining armour would come save me. The days when going into the woods was the most exciting thing because you became a fairy princess, and when you ran around your backyard really fast you were a super hero.

I want things to go back and be simpler. There wasn't a lot of fighting, unless it was with your little brother and his friends, which were being dragons and you had to save your castle. There wasn't drama unless it was on a stage. The saddest part of the day was when your friends went home. The little imaginary world you created for yourself and your friends was the most fantastic and amazing place to be, and it was oh so safe, and concrete. Always changing, but always safely there.

Love from hanhan =]

The fairytale game

When I was little I used to play all sorts of games with myself. I'd go through days pretending to be a character from a fairytale. It was a lot of fun, imagining the happy endings were happening to me. I liked having the certainty that as long as I was pretending to be a princess, a handsome prince would come get me at the end of the day, and I would live happily ever after in his arms.

I still play these games with myself. I try to be perfect some days, and carry myself like I'm worth more than I am, dress in clothes that look good on me, do my hair and makeup. I would like to say that this is how to get princes, just walk around all dolled up, but that would be lying. I get some cars to honk at me, and some looks, but never the prince coming to sweep me off my feet.

Why can't I find a prince? What makes me so different from the fairytales, what makes me different from the other girls? I mean, its not like I've always been looking for a prince. I had one once. So where does one go to find another?

The answer to that question I will gladly share with you once I find it out. Only thing is, right now, I dont have the patience to wait. Because I want my prince now. I'm lonely now. I wish he would hurry up and come. That's not to say he's not out there somehwere, but, handsome prince, if you're reading this, Come find me soon?

Love from hanhan =]