getting personal.

Hey everyone.

So lately life has seemed like an uphill battle and sometimes it seems like the most beautiful blessing to ever be. I've had a lot going on lately that I don't really discuss ever, plus a lot of life stuff I've been too busy to mention, so let me give you a brief overview. 

Sometime in late winter I got accepted to both schools I applied to, and the school I didn't think I could afford gave me a hefty scholarship. So I blissfully accepted them and am going to attend St. Joseph's in Patchogue in the Fall, as a Child Study major. 

 

Sometime in  early Spring, I hurt my back very badly and was floor bound and miserable. Turns out I have a condition, but its not a big deal. 

Sometime mid spring, someone I had once been very close with and I parted ways. Which was really hard but I think for the best. 

Sometime Early summer, I went on a road trip XC. I learned a lot about the wild and why national park campgrounds are cheaper than others (no showers!) how to avoid bears and how cute baby bison are. i also learned that hospital service in Wisconsin is better than NY (seriously, I only had like an 1 hour in there and I was fixed), and not to get poison ivy on your face. I learned that medicine that says non-drowsy makes me collapse in a sleepingbeauty-esque sleep without the beauty part, and the wilderness can be more refreshing than any spa. 

Sometime mid summer, I celebrated a year and a half of being in love with my Stephen. He's wonderful without even trying.

Sometime in the past month, we (Stephen and I) adopted 2 beautiful kittens ( Darcy and Elizabeth) who live in my room!

Sometimes in the past 2 weeks, our kittens got ringworm. I'm like really really grossed out by skin issues and thats what ringworm is. So its my own little hell while we try to help the babies get better. 

Sometime in the past week I cried for 3 hours.

Sometime in the past week I laughed for 6.

Sometime in the past 2 days I was alone and scared and sad.

Sometime in the 2 days I was held and loved and safe.

Sometime today I lost control and sat in my room freaking out. 

Sometime today I cuddled my kittens and read my sister a book.

Theres good things and bad things. Life comes with them both. Sometimes the bad seems to outnumber the good, and sometimes you start looking for the awful because its been too good for to long. I think I'll be back blogging for awhile!

A lazy post.

I see: The computer screen, my stuffed giraffe Horus(named Horus because he has ginormous creepy eyes and the first thing I thought of was the all seeing eye of Horus, Egyptian mythology reference yea!), My Physics Book opened in another tab, the book I just finished, my hands on the keys, qwertyuiop.

I smell: The night air and my mother's concoction of oils. ew.

I taste: nothing, although there is a promising chocolate bar on my dresser...

I hear: Some washed up rocker singing about the same thing all rockers sing about, cars rushing past my window, tap tap tap.

I feel: the keys under my fingers, the hangnail starting, smooth legs, my shirt against my skin, the absence of my mermaid ring.

Horus thinks YOU should stop procrastinating.

Seriously Hannah you have Physics to do.

I take instructions from a stuffed giraffe. 

Help.

Now for my really exciting plans for break.

Now that I've been all annoying and deep and whatever, my other favorite part of Easter and my plans for the next 2/3 days.

I dare you to judge me/tell me you aren't doing the same thing. Also, please excuse the gross pajama's, t-shit is from 7th grade Cheer and boys sweats. Hair is compliments of an 11 hour car trip back from Ohio sitting next to a sleepy boyfriend. 

we are an Easter people

"Do not abandon yourselves to despair, for we are an Easter people and Hallelujah is our song." JPII

Every have that feeling where you're losing yourself to everything going on around you? Where you're so overwhelmed by circumstances, and people are letting you down at every turn? Ever felt like you're completely abandoned? Sometimes things are too much and we doubt they're going to ever get better. And some things aren't going to get better or go the way we want,  but we have to realize something, We are an Easter people.

But what is it to be an Easter people and what do we have to do? Its more than just remembering, "Oh yay, once upon a time a guy names Jesus rose from the dead and then the Easter bunny came." Lets play pretend. Pretend that all those problems, all that loneliness, all that guilt, all that stress, was taken away from you by someone you barely spoke to, and they dealt with it for you. Imagine they suffered for all your pain, and for all the things you've done wrong. Imagine they suffered a lot. And then imagine that they suffered so much they died for you and all those things. I'd feel a little affection towards them after that. Honestly, it'd be so sad that someone loved me that much and they died. Now imagine that 3 days later, they came back to life, to you. Since we're imagining this, imagine how happy you'd feel after that. 

Pretty happy right?

Once upon a time, a guy names Jesus died for our sins and for our salvation and then he CAME BACK to us because he never leaves us to deal with things alone. As an Easter people, we are to live with that type of joy.  We are not alone, we are not abandoned! Jesus died for us and heals our brokeness, shouldn't we celebrate?

Because after all, we are an Easter people, and Hallelujah is our song.

Happy Easter.

Military brat

April is the month of the military child.

Parents often worry that they didn't make the right decisions for their children, that they let their lives get in  the way of their child's. They often try to either change those decisions, their whole lives to make a "suitable" and "normal" life for their kids. However, sometimes they can't. This results in people's pity, which is not so much pity as a subtle way to insult and sneer and give unwanted advice to grown men and women. As a child raised in a constantly moving, military, catholic, homeschooled home, I have become accustomed to people's pity. I've been asked the questions they try to veil in innocent curiosity, but are really meant to evaluate me, and make sure I am "adjusted" and not being tortured by the irregular life that I ended up with.

When I was younger and realized that my life was different from normal kids, it honestly was difficult at times. Being uprooted, making new friends, Dad being gone, family being far away, settling in just to leave again, being DIFFERENT. Its hard at 8 years old to understand that you're leaving your home and your friends to go somewhere new, somewhere foreign. Yet you do. Sometimes, this was a blessing. As I got older, I became less "different" and more "special".

My years as a military brat gave me adventures I will always have. They made me who I am today, and taught me more than I would have learned if I had had a "normal" life. I don't feel like I haven't adjusted to society, like I'm a freak of nature just because I haven't had my friends here since 1st grade. I don't feel like I don't have a home after being constantly uprooted. Home is where the heart is. Its where my family lives, where my bed is, wherever I can smile and laugh and be happy. Because of the moving, I learned how to make good friends quickly. So there's another issue taken care of. I never had to change schools because of the homeschooling, and because of the homeschooling I never lacked for friends or social skills.

I'm a well adjusted social teenager whose going places and accomplishing things, and I was a military brat. So before you go and pity those poor military families, realize that we are strong because of this, and thats a strength you can learn no where else.

Semper Fi.

10 Things I want My Sisters To Know

10 Things I Want My Sisters To Know:

• Brains will always beat out beauty. People will pay a lot more attention to you if you can discuss more than lengthening mascara vs. curling.
• You do not need to be a damsel in distress just because you are a feminine princess. You can be a strong capable, smart and attractive woman in pink dress and heels too.
• Don't complain about boys and how you'll never have a boyfriend. Seriously, its not attractive. Also, you should not be “with” someone unless you find someone worth being with. Try to only date guys you could see yourself marrying.
• If you have something to say to someone, say it. Don't be fake to people. Trust people, but be careful with your secrets. Don't let disappointments make you jaded.
• Never sacrifice your identity because people make fun of you. If you like reading, read. If you like going to Church, go to church. If you like to make rainbow cake while tap-dancing and reciting bad poetry, do it when I'm not home. Enjoy being a dork. Don't let anyone ever take that away from you. (On a side note, never sacrifice your identity just to get a guy to like you. He should like the whole package, including the parts of you that are not so attractive.)
• You are beautiful no matter what. Makeup or no, sweatpants or ballgown, a mess or put together, happy or sad. You are more than what you look like, and the value of you is so much more than what other people can see. Always know that.
• Making mistakes in life is okay, but don't let making mistakes be all you do.
• The only person's expectations you have to live up to is your own, and if you do the best you can, I'm so proud of you.
• You should never compromise your morals. Believe what you believe and do not let anyone take that away from you, and don't lower your standards just because everyone else does, or says its okay. You know its not.
• You are loved no matter what. No matter how much you mess up I will always be here, and God is always on your side.

For I know the plans I have for you.

Today I'm at my the school my mom teaches at. There are a ton of little kids here, from like 13 down to the two little newborns sitting in their car seats. One little one, whose probably around 2ish, has these great shoes that squeak as she runs. I can hear her with my headphones in, and I can hear her mother chasing after her. In the past hour she's been chased out of the bathroom twice, down the hall more times than I can count, and out of the quiet room even more. Her little squeaking shoes always let her mom know where she is, and always seem to ruin her plans of diving headfirst into the toilet for a swim..

Now, unlike this little beastie, we don't have squeaky shoes which allow someone to run after us and make sure we're okay and not swimming in the toilet. So we get to go our own way, and if we do something wrong we don't get chased out by a watchful eyes. Because of this, we sometimes get to go toilet diving, or do something that seems awesome in theory but we know we shouldn't do. Sometimes, God says, "don't dive in the toilet!" and we feel like a teenager whose mom tells them they can't go to that party. We feel like He's taking away the fun and ruining our lives. Other times, things are overwhelming and too much for us to handle, it feels like we have to do it alone no matter how large and ridiculous the task. Our lives aren't simply laid out for us, and that is often when we start to feel alone, and we wish for a pair of squeaky shoes that can lead us into something happy and good.

In Jeremiah (29:11) it says, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Remember the mom and the little girl with the squeaky shoes? Well her mom wasn't trying to be awful and ruin her toilet diving adventures. She was trying to make sure that she could have a future and a hope for a life without squeaking shoes. God is like that mother sometimes. Sometimes things don't work out for a REASON. You keep trying and trying and trying and you know what? Sometimes that's not the future you're meant to have. 

HAIKU

I'm actually
infatuated with the
art of a haiku.

but for reals.

I wrote a nice one:

It is so lovely
to fall in love with someone
as lovely as you. 


that is my meager offering. i also wrote a post on the purpose of life and whatnot but I doubt you guys want to see that.