10 Things I want My Sisters To Know

10 Things I Want My Sisters To Know:

• Brains will always beat out beauty. People will pay a lot more attention to you if you can discuss more than lengthening mascara vs. curling.
• You do not need to be a damsel in distress just because you are a feminine princess. You can be a strong capable, smart and attractive woman in pink dress and heels too.
• Don't complain about boys and how you'll never have a boyfriend. Seriously, its not attractive. Also, you should not be “with” someone unless you find someone worth being with. Try to only date guys you could see yourself marrying.
• If you have something to say to someone, say it. Don't be fake to people. Trust people, but be careful with your secrets. Don't let disappointments make you jaded.
• Never sacrifice your identity because people make fun of you. If you like reading, read. If you like going to Church, go to church. If you like to make rainbow cake while tap-dancing and reciting bad poetry, do it when I'm not home. Enjoy being a dork. Don't let anyone ever take that away from you. (On a side note, never sacrifice your identity just to get a guy to like you. He should like the whole package, including the parts of you that are not so attractive.)
• You are beautiful no matter what. Makeup or no, sweatpants or ballgown, a mess or put together, happy or sad. You are more than what you look like, and the value of you is so much more than what other people can see. Always know that.
• Making mistakes in life is okay, but don't let making mistakes be all you do.
• The only person's expectations you have to live up to is your own, and if you do the best you can, I'm so proud of you.
• You should never compromise your morals. Believe what you believe and do not let anyone take that away from you, and don't lower your standards just because everyone else does, or says its okay. You know its not.
• You are loved no matter what. No matter how much you mess up I will always be here, and God is always on your side.

For I know the plans I have for you.

Today I'm at my the school my mom teaches at. There are a ton of little kids here, from like 13 down to the two little newborns sitting in their car seats. One little one, whose probably around 2ish, has these great shoes that squeak as she runs. I can hear her with my headphones in, and I can hear her mother chasing after her. In the past hour she's been chased out of the bathroom twice, down the hall more times than I can count, and out of the quiet room even more. Her little squeaking shoes always let her mom know where she is, and always seem to ruin her plans of diving headfirst into the toilet for a swim..

Now, unlike this little beastie, we don't have squeaky shoes which allow someone to run after us and make sure we're okay and not swimming in the toilet. So we get to go our own way, and if we do something wrong we don't get chased out by a watchful eyes. Because of this, we sometimes get to go toilet diving, or do something that seems awesome in theory but we know we shouldn't do. Sometimes, God says, "don't dive in the toilet!" and we feel like a teenager whose mom tells them they can't go to that party. We feel like He's taking away the fun and ruining our lives. Other times, things are overwhelming and too much for us to handle, it feels like we have to do it alone no matter how large and ridiculous the task. Our lives aren't simply laid out for us, and that is often when we start to feel alone, and we wish for a pair of squeaky shoes that can lead us into something happy and good.

In Jeremiah (29:11) it says, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Remember the mom and the little girl with the squeaky shoes? Well her mom wasn't trying to be awful and ruin her toilet diving adventures. She was trying to make sure that she could have a future and a hope for a life without squeaking shoes. God is like that mother sometimes. Sometimes things don't work out for a REASON. You keep trying and trying and trying and you know what? Sometimes that's not the future you're meant to have. 

HAIKU

I'm actually
infatuated with the
art of a haiku.

but for reals.

I wrote a nice one:

It is so lovely
to fall in love with someone
as lovely as you. 


that is my meager offering. i also wrote a post on the purpose of life and whatnot but I doubt you guys want to see that.

@!)!@ or as it also goes by, 2012.

First post of 2012! Lets say a lot of prayers for a good year. There is so much that could be excellent this year! Good Clothes, Good friends, Good times, Lots of smiles, lots to be thankful for. Also, just shooting out a prayer request for myself because I really need prayers right now for reasons I'm not going into at the moment.I hope you all had an a amazing New Years and Christmas.

Chins up loves.

you are worth more

Just so you know, you are going to get so much more than what you have now one day. One day you will be so much more than you are. You will one day find someone who loves you for everything you are, and until you find someone who can’t be without you, don’t settle. Adoring someone is not love, and when you finally realize that you’ll be closer to being happy. You are worth effort, time, love, happiness. Things DO get better. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. We do not exist to be sad, and one day, there will be happiness again. Do not give up hope in a better future. Make the better future happen.


Its a New Year soon. A New Beginning. Keep looking for the light, and pray. I don't care if you believe in God, maybe one day you will, and then you'll find the love you need, the purpose you desire, and the life you've only dreamed of.

To all the beautiful people:

So basically to everyone. This is a note about what Hannah has come to really honestly understand this weekend. Which is a lot for one weekend.This is all stuff I knew, but I finally understand.
On Friday: I learned that people are difficult sometimes, but you need to work with them. I learned that some people are not always kind. I learned that you can't always understand people, but the best you can do is try. I learned that when raising money, have an actual good cause and catch the individual's attention because a lot of people simply assume someone else will take care of it (thats called the bystander effect!) I also learned that sometimes the best way to be there for people is to let them know you care, then let them deal.
On Saturday: I learned that you cannot actually fix all awkward situations, you do not have to like everyone, and you should never grow up to the point where you can't call people out for being awful. Also, its okay to love people and let them know what they mean to you. Its necessary. Its real, its important. Also, not everyone  is like you. Thats okay.
On Sunday: This is kind of a big one for me since I've always believed this, but it just gets more and more important. Each person has value. Each person deserves a chance to live, to experience love in this world. Especially people who are different, who need more attention, who have special needs. They do not lose their dignity as a person because they have an extra chromosome, or because they can't see, or because they have difficulty in social situations. They may be difficult, they might not always seem like a heavenly blessing because they're stubborn, or annoying, or throwing fits, or more than you think you can handle, but they still are blessings.

"Do not forget that there are many children. many women, many men in this world who do not have what you have, and make sure that you love them, too, until it hurts." Blessed Teresa of Calcutta.

this has been a rant

Hello lovelies! Today I'd like  to abandon any ideas of eloquence and rant about something. So here goes.

I really like clothes. And fashion. I'm that person who reads all those horribly written articles for pictures and tips and summaries of shows.  I'm the person who says, OH, that color is SO IN this year(tangerine tango is actually the color in so you'll know if i'm lying). I may dress pretty boring but I  still love crazy stuff. ANYWAY the issue I'm having is with everything in the fashion and beauty industry being so hard on women!

Okay, so you need us to buy your products. But is there another way to do that than bashing us for not being thin enough or pretty enough or having too short hair? Every other blog post or article talks about how "no one will know how many pieces of pumpkin pie you ate!" Why does it matter how much pie I eat? Why should I limit myself to fit into your ugly and unflattering dress, and then feel bad when I don't? I understand that we buy the dress, and we should be healthy, but the general rule of thumb for "good enough" to other women is being a size 4 or under, while statistics say that that most women in America are on average a size 12.

I get that thats a little bit...sad? that we've let ourselves grow so much. But still. Rather than continually marketing clothes that seriously compliment no existing human bodies, why are we not making pretty clothes for people who are actually self-conscious about their bodies without being terrible to them. All clothes marketed to women are said to "hide an unflattering tummy" or "hid your arms" "hide too big calves" "camouflage uneven cleavage" WHY ARE WE ENCOURAGED TO HIDE?

Look, not all people look like Victoria Secret Models(who, by the way, don't actually eat. They sometimes drink protein shakes. sometimes.). People are all differently beautiful, each in their unique way and they should not be encouraged to hide things as if they are not good enough. My midsection holds most of the organs keeping me alive, why should I care if my pie settles there? Would the extra holiday fat offend you?

Teach people to accept who they are. Make clothes that make people comfortable with who they are. Not clothes that make us uncomfortable and upset. rant ended.

I'm thankful for:

Leaves that look like flames

Houses with red doors

my favorite pen

the color of my grammie’s eyes

the shape of my mother’s

dresses that swish

little black shoes

My sisters’ smiles

My boyfriend’s hands.

My dad’s laugh

My brothers nerdiness

nicely done nails

warm coats

hot chocolate

hugs

friendly people

photo albums

comfy jeans

Bikes

hula hoops

pumpkin pies

interesting belts

adoptive family members

leather boots

good books

old things

a clean home

a messy room

nose dimples

laugh lines

Being catholic

exciting news

friends

fresh air

sun sets and sun rises

cute hats

baby smiles

love

life

faith

laughter.

But monster's aren't real, right?

I sleep with the closet door closed. It has to be closed or I can't sleep.

I sleep with my bedroom door closed. It has to be closed or I cant sleep.

I sleep under a blanket at all times. All of me under it, including my face, or I can't sleep.

But monsters aren't real, thats just a story told to children to scare them into staying in bed.

Right?

One night I let my foot out of the blanket, just to see. 

I imagined (I think) a giant spider crawling all over it, up to my face, coming to sink its teeth into my-

I woke up crying, and put my foot back someplace safer, shaking under my blankets.

But monsters aren't real, right?

One night, I left my closet door open by accident.

I kept imaging the clothes as people, coming to get me, a monster to scare me, ready to scream-

I screamed and shut the door. I watched it the rest of the night.

But monsters aren't real, right?

Dark thoughts for a kid but the dark inspires them.

We do not fear the dark, but what is in it.

But monsters aren't real, right?

(an obnoxiously weird poem from a girl whose afraid to say she's afraid of the dark. and whats in it.)

I'm possible.

Sometimes you're called to suffer for the Lord. Sometimes you need to simply smile and try to get on with life. Sometimes that seems impossible, but NOTHING is impossible! Except perhaps turning into a chicken. Or becoming the President of the USA if you're born in Uzbekistan. But things like being happy, facing people who are terrible, doing things that might make you uncomfortable, or even really scary things, like saying no, standing up for someone or your beliefs, or (at least for me some days) simply getting out of bed and facing the world, are possible.

Impossible
I'm possible.
AND I SHALL FINISH MY COLLEGE APPS LIKE ASAP

LIKE MY PROJECT?

unpopular and fearless clarification.

” I’m catholic, but I don’t agree with their stance on gays!” “I’m catholic, but I don’t believe in their stance on sex!” 

Okay, so could you stop being ignorant for two seconds and LOOK UP WHAT WE BELIEVE AND WHY.

Gays: As Catholics, we love and accept EVERYONE. If you’re judging people and not loving them and respecting their human dignity in any way, its YOU who are not living your faith. We love the gay people. We don’t love gay sex. We don’t love any sex unless its inside a marriage, which we define as between a man and a woman. If i was to go have sex with a guy outside of marriage, I’d be in trouble too. Unfortunately, if you’re gay, you may feel like a life of celibacy is stifling. BUT ITS NOT. God will give you different blessings and gifts besides sex. You just have to pray. 

Sex: As I said before, Sex is great INSIDE marriage. In fact, JPII in the theology of the body talks a lot about how we’re made for it. but you have to pay attention to the fact that sex is a gift of self, which you can only truly give to your spouse after your wedding. otherwise its not a gift of self, its not about love, its about desires that you feel the need to have met. So you’re using the other person. In marriages, sex is only pure if it comes as a gift of self and from a real deep love. So, stop having sex outside marriage and then saying its okay to receive communion and not feel bad about it because its a mortal sin.  

Now, if anyone wants more clarification on the faith and why we believe things on these issues, shoot me a message. 

Thoughts on dating as a Catholic Teen:

Okay. Here's a little background to this post. I'm Catholic(which, if you want, I'll clarify in comments). I believe in modesty, chastity, and putting my faith first. I'm 16 almost 17 and I've been dating for almost 1 1/2 years(in some form or another, it didn't start really counting until last year.

Anyway. I know a lot of parents are very against their children dating. They have rules like "not until you're 16!" "no dating until after college!" Or, as my parents joke, "No dating until you're 25!"(I set that rule myself as a 5 year old, since 25 was clearly the best number). Personally, I think these limits and rules against dating a terrible idea.

My parents used to say 16 is when I could start dating. My mother and I were always close though, and when a boy asked my to be his girlfriend when I was 14 ( seriously, no one just dates anymore!) and I said yes, she didn't break a sweat. Well, she might have, but she coped with it by being closer with me. She knew what was going on, so she trusted me. Turns out I didn't like the boy that much after a few months. But thats not the point of the story! the point is, she trusted me to let me make my own decisions and learn from them. I learned to be more particular about who I date. Another boyfriend taught me to not pretend to be someone I'm not. Another, the wrong type of guy to date and how to handle bad situations. Another, that I can't fix everyone. These seem negative, but they are not if you deal with them positively. I have learned more about myself and how to handle myself through dating than I would have otherwise. Also, dating is for discernment, for getting to find the right person, or for figuring out if marriage is your calling at all.

But darlings, this is about being a CATHOLIC teenager dating. And as a girl, do you know how hard it is to find nice catholic boys with personalities? It's basically impossible. You have to look really hard, and most of them end up going to the seminary, or being ugly( not to be shallow, but when you're 16 it kind of matters) or something ridiculous. And boys who are not nice Catholic boys? You worry whether they're going to accept you with your faith, or whether they're going to pressure you into being impure, or not understand why you can't usually hang out on Sundays. And boys, will it be really masculine for me to be at Adoration a lot? Will she still think i'm hot even though I'm an altar server? Does she expect me to be pushier? Honestly, it can be very stressful. But here's the thing guys/girls, if your faith is first in your life, the right people will find you. People who may not necessarily believe the same as you will respect your dedication. It might even be attractive to them.

Look, don't think that you HAVE to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Don't think you HAVE to even be interested right now. Don't break your parent's rules, DO discuss with them if you meet someone. The thing is, dating is great when you're a teenager. Its fun, and you learn. But never be anything but yourself. Don't feel self conscious telling your "bad boy" boyfriend that you have Mass on Sunday and can't chill. Don't tell your girlfriend that you don't actually wanna go to Adoration, but your mom is making you. Don't make your faith something to be ashamed of. Invite them to come too! My boyfriend of almost a year now is also Catholic( score!) and I go to Masses he serves at, he goes to ones I sing at. He comes to pray the rosary with my family. We go to Holy Hour at the seminary. Its okay for me to say, look, I don't want to do anything physical, and for him to say, thank God, me neither. Its okay to do whatever, because we're ourselves.

Its hard, but keep a hold on your faith. Keep a hold of your morals, and your self. Say no sometimes, be careful, have fun. Make sure you learn. Be good( your future husband will thank you for this)!Just be you. It'll all work out how God plans.

Essay for Ryan.

 “Get out of my dreams!” A little kid with dark hair and braces had come up to me and yelled this at me. He started to get frustrated, and be mad about how I was in his dream and he couldn't get me out, and I had better stay away tonight or else. I apologized, slightly amused and concered. Not really sure why this had happened, I went over to my mom and she explained that that was Ryan Barret. Over the next few weeks, I kind of got used to him coming up and telling me this every once in awhile, it was a little annoying and strange, but I had 2 little brothers, so it wasn’t really that out of the ordinary. While this was going on, he became friends with my brother, Hank.

Honestly, since Hank was about 8, I haven’t ever seen him much happier than those few short months after he and Ryan became friends. Since the two were in the same age group, and did the same stuff, things worked out well. I got a break from Hank, and then he came home and was happy. They played with legos, or joked around or something, I never knew what they did and Hank honestly never really talked about it afterwards, and I don't know if anyone asked him, in an effort not to hurt his feelings. I doubt such an easy and perfect friendship as theirs will ever be replicated.

People often talk about how special and wonderful special needs(autistic, down syndrome, the like) children are. This is true, they're a blessing. They're also stubborn, awkward, a little rude, and they make people uncomfortable, and no matter how much you say you think they're a blessing, it doesn't mean they're perfect. I remember Ryan saying things that didn't make sense and getting upset. I remember one time, my friend and I were in the basement of a friends house and he locked us down there. We yelled for him for 10 minutes to unlock it, uttering all the threats we could think of, and all he did was laugh. After he let us freak out for awhile, he unlocked the door. I'm not saying he was malicious, quite the opposite, this is a boy who would say Mass with sugar cookies all over the house, and play his guitar and sing loudly, and never forget to pray for the boys choir and his friends in it, and who would be kind to babies even though he didn't always get that he had to be gentle with them. I'm just saying that he was a challenge, but the challenge was worth it.

After Ryan's death, we, the teenagers had a lot of problems with guilt. We had loved him, obviously, but we had not loved him enough, or as he deserved to be loved. We had not treated him as we thought he now deserved, for people generally regret their actions after the opportunity to right them is gone. I felt like I had failed as an individual for not appreciating him for all his quirks, for not trying to understand him and just getting frustrated over stupid things. I'm not going to lie and say I instantly started appreciating people and understanding everything they did because of this. I'm not going to say I instantly remembered only the times when Ryan was sweet. I'm also not going to lie and say that Ryan is my only reason for changing and I became instantly and awesome human being. Thats an insult to him, to lie about that. He's affected a lot of people all at different levels and still changes people's hearts today through prayer and his story.

I still work on patience and understanding with kids. I still strive to improve and enjoy people while they're here with me. I still am not always kind and pleasant and appreciative. This makes it sound like I haven't changed at all, which is not the case. I try now, I pray more. I ask Ryan for help with my brother, the Autistic kids in CYO track, for help accepting people for who they are. I ask Ryan for courage to sing confidently at Mass. As time goes on, I'll probably become a better and better person. I pray that Ryan will forgive me for not being able to show him the love he deserved, and that he will ask God to grant me the grace to show other people the love they need.

( I had to write an Essay on a person who has made an impact on my life. For some reason, I felt the need to write about Ryan, who has changed so many lives. Sorry I haven't blogged for awhile)

Summary of my experience at WYD

My WYD experience was, and will be one of the best I could ever have in my life. I feel like God has gotten to sink into the cracks of myself, addressed and soothed my fears and issues, and healed me in ways I can't describe. I feel truly blessed to have gotten to go on this trip and represent my Parish and country, and I feel so on fire with the Holy Spirit, I want to share this with everyone, and come to a deeper understanding myself. This adventure has had a profound effect on me, and I don't want to be the same as I was before, not at all.

P.S, there are three candles lit in Madrid, each with different intentions. Each of these to be prayed for by the people of Madrid, Spain, left there to be taken care of by a universal and powerful God. One of these candles is for you, who read about my trip, and for whoever has listened to me talk about it. Let God fill up your broken spaces, and set you on fire with love for Him, and the whole entire world.

Days 8/9 WYD

August 22nd


This is a quick recap of the day because I'm exhausted:

• 9AM breakfast
• 10 Nap
• 11 Mass
• 12, Mcdonalds for lunch
• 1-7:30, Shopping, tour of St. Isidore's(an incorruptable saint!) 
• 7:30-8:30 Dinner at a restaurant at the plaza. 
• 10:30, icecream run ( I ate an entire pint of Hagendaaz strawberry cheesecake, I have no shame.)
• 12-1, dance party, nbd.

August 23d, last full day


Late night, early morning, Viva Espana!
Breakfast was quick, then a 20 minute Mass, then we met up with another group to finally go to the PRADO! Three tricky ticket terminals later ( say that 5 times fast!) we hopped on and off the Metro, and got in line for the Prado. The wait that at first seemed like it'd take forever went fast. I got in for free(WOOHOO MILITARY ID!) We saw beautiful original artwork by Rubens, Raphael, and a lot of other famous artists, Sculptures, a cloister, lunch. Then we went for icecream/cathedral hopping. We visited Madrid's old cathedral(beautiful) and its new one(strange).

At this point we were all half asleep, and Jessie and I could barely walk because of our legs, and we're hungry. Last Metro trip, then 15 minute walk to this place called Gino's. I had a pizza, it was amazing. Nom. then Hotel, packing, hanging out.

Days 5/6/7 WYD

August 19th


Today we woke up at 8:30, ran to breakfast, grabbed a metro, and were almost late to catechesis. There was an awesome dance party, and amazing amazing talk by Archbishop Dolan, I went to confession with a Canadian priest who gave me much peace, the a beautiful Mass with over 350 priests, 50 bishops, and the archbishop celebrating( We totally freaked out over that because we love him more than the little monsters love Lady Gaga).

Lunch search involved lots of walking, a 30 minute wait at Burger King, a dash through the park, where we helped an Ohioan get her super important pass back! A quick talk with the group, then we left for stations of the cross with our Papa, the Pope. Some Italians directed us there, and other Italians gave us bananas.

Then we watched the most beautiful, moving, tear inducing, easiest to really understand stations of the cross I will ever witness. People from terrible places to be catholic carried the cross at each station, the music was heavenly  and the pope was adorable, as usual. After that we caught the Metro, went to the Italian place, laughed a lot, ate good food. Now its 1:30 AM and we have to be up by 7AM For Mass and the 8 mile hike to campout. Peace!

August 20/21st?


I'm not actually going to write about this day because the only two phrases used by myself were, I'm hungry" and "I'm miserable". There was no sleep and complete disorganization but thats okay! The trip home was crazy too. ANYWAY.

Finally we got to the hotel, grabbed Mcdonalds, showered(YES!) chilled and slept. Then got ready for dinner with our bishop. REAL SPANISH FOOD! I was so tired. THEN WAS THE BEST PART OF THE WHOLE TWO DAYS. All of Rockville Diocese started playing Ride the Pony, which is the best and most pointless game ever to exist. People from Spain, Italy, France, all joined in an we played for literally an hour. It will never not be amazing and never will not be one of the best memories ever to exist. Now I'm tired, as I've had 5 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours. GOODNIGHT.

WYD Days 3 and 4!

August 17th


Today was a very long day. We woke up at 7:30 after finally getting to sleep around 2, went to breakfast, then took the Metro to the very first day of Catechesis(which I can't spell!)! Catechises was held in a huge indoor stadium, for the english speaking pilgrims. Shortly after they started letting people in, it was so full, with over 12 thousand people, that they were turning others away. Everything was crazy, in the best possible way. The Sisters of Life and Knights of Columbus ran it, and the sisters gave 2 talks, followed by another talk from a Cardinal from Sydney, Australia,  on reason and God and science, which was awesome. After that, we ran out, got lunch at a place caled telepizza, which incidentally, was always out of pizza and gave us sandwiches and water. Then we ran back to the hotel for a bus/walking tour of Avilla!

Our amazing tour guide was named Jerry. We learned the history, landmarks, saints, and art styles in and around Avilla.We toured the Cathedral, the city inside the walls, and the church built on top of St. Teresa's house, where we attended mass. Everything was absolutely breathtaking and I took a lot of pictures. A nap and a bus ride later, We made it back to Madrid just in time for a youth rally, where there was a lot of music and dancing and different flags and talks and people.

P.S Apparently McDonalds closes at 11:30 in Spain. Vips for dinner again. Also, can I mention again how gorgeous the Cathedral was?

August 18th


As I write this(in my journal, not the typed up version people are reading), we're siting on the side of the road, waiting for the pope, whose coming in 3 or 4 hours. Everyone is so excited, you can practically feel it in the very air around us. Also, a group of french boys climbed up in our marvelous shade tree about 8 feet up, and they're now dropping bark on us.

This morning after about 5 1/2 hours of sleep, we had breakfast and went to Catechises late. There was an amazing talk on Chastity and relationships, then a talk by the Bishop of Ontario. Then I almost passed out during Mass, which wasn't too fun. After a terrible lunch, and an overcrowded breakout session, we went to see the pope enter Madrid.

(later on in the evening)
Two crowded Metro stops and changes, 3 backpack chains, one quick turnaround and a patch of ground later, we were at a spot i the fence where we could sort of see the street the pope was to drive down, 5 hours later. Luckily, Spain knows how to party. So we danced, chanted, screamed, took pictures, laughed, yelled for aqua to be sprayed on us, and saw our Papa in the pope mobile, about 10 feet away from us. It was awe-inspiring.

We left shortly after, walked 4 metro stops, packed onto one, met south Koreans whose names are unpronounceable, but who were very cool. Fianlly, a little shopping, and a delicious dinner at an Italian place. Tonight we get to go to bed before 1! WHEEEE!

WYD! intro, flight, first and second days.

Okay, So I've been putting it off, because I hate typing up written things, but here we go. In each post, I'll put one or two entries in my journal about WYD. Hopefully they'll all be done by tonight! Also, forgive the lack of anything fancy or lovely in the writing, I just wanted to jot it all down!

August 14/15th

Got chinese food at the airport, where we chilled for 3 hours, boarded, and sat on the plane for 32 more hours because of delays due to rain. Slept through awful plane dinner, had gross plane breakfast. Landed in Spain 7 hours later, made it through security no problem! At the airport, we directly got onto a sightseeing bus, where we all fell asleep. Before that, I happened to get to see how absolutely lovely everything in Spain is. Its not what you necessarily expect, but the older buildings were just...wow. The hotel is great, my roommate Becky and I have a little balcony, and the only channel in english is CNN, so we leave it on all the time. After we got to the room, we freshened up and went to a restaurant called VIPS for a snack before dinner. Next we went to Mass, then a meeting, and then we finally, at 9:30 we got to go look for food. Around 10, we found a Mcdonalds that would take our meal tickets. nomnomihatemcdonalds. I'm writing this in the hotel room with Becky. We're so exhausted, and I'm going through withdrawal from home/family/phone/friends. Time to sleep, breakfast at 8 tomorrow!

August 16th!


Today is the first official day of WYD, and we were supposed to go to the Prado art museum. Unfortunately, the tour company forgot to give us the passes. So we amused ourselves by wandering around Madrid, learning the Subway, and which flag belonged to what country. I met a ton of people, from South Korea to the Czech Republic. Wherever we walked, people would see our little American flag, and start chanting, " U-S-A! U-S-A!" then everyone would laugh and cheer and we'd find out where they were from.

As we were using meal vouchers, we could only go to specific places to eat. After adding half of the current population of this city in Pilgrims, those places were very, very crowded, lines are long, and people are thirsty/tired/hungry/hot/cranky.So we left the main square on the hugely overcrowded metro and ate VIPS for lunch. After lunch we came to the Hotel to relax for a little bit. Becky and I put on our full pilgrim gear( Yellow hat, orange fan, yellow shirt., colorful backpacks), then off the the welcoming Mass in the square.

While waiting, ( we couldn't see or hear the Mass), we played 10 games of 20 questions, talked to people from Poland, and made friends with Canadians! During the Mass, we tried to follow along as best as possible(P.S, Belgian people literally kiss you on both cheeks at peace) Then we joined the returning throng to go to get food and sleep near the hotel ( it was about 10:30 when we got to a metro with space, the pilgrims were so crowded.) Then the search for food was on! We actually got turned away from a place because they were out of food! Finally, we hit up a sketchy little family owned restaurant  and had a really simple spanish sandwich( which is meat and bread, basically). I'm writing this at 12:30 and I have to get up in 6 hours. peace!

tragedy misery, blahblahblah

Ever since I was very young, I've had this fascination with sadness. In my romanticized version of sadness, the heroines were always beautifully tearful and would have noble missions to overcome their sadness, and the men would undergo great quests with stony expressions and vows of silence or what not. It was all very poetic, an exquisite version of sadness that you really only find in storybooks. But thats what I wanted, or thought would one day happen. I would be an elusive yet beautiful being who was revered and pitied for the terrible things that happened to her, until a handsome prince would come and heal my poor broken heart, and whisk me away to a happier place. Such are the musings of over dramatic  12 year olds who read far too many books.

All the same, its this version of sadness I still picture when people tell me its okay to feel. And as much as I loved the tales of romance and tears, it never seemed to fit me. I could never wallow, or wait. As a girl who loved fairytales, and the princesses, the innocent love stories and sweet daydreams, I've become the opposite. I solve my own problems, and ignore the bad things, because they've happened, what can I do now?

This may seem like a good thing, and in some situations it is. But in real life, you can't be one extreme or the other. If you try, you'll just swing to the other extreme. Life is MESSY. it doesn't make sense. it doesn't follow an outline like Cinderella. It isn't always heartbreaking like the Little Mermaid(the original written version, not disney!), and it isn't always happy, although you may be taught to always be so. Apparently you have to just BE. You feel what you feel without apology.

And maybe what you feel seems like my tragic heroines. Thats okay too.

Be you, do you, do all things you.

"[quoting Marianne Williamson] Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "


When I decided I wanted to get/make a mermaid tail, I got a ton of weird looks, and people teasing me. My best friend (jokingly, but still) my mother, my friends, family, everyone. But I still wanted to do it and I stuck with it, and made a mermaid tail. People still giggled. Next step was swimming in it. It must have been funny to watch me learn to do that, but still, I decided not to care what people said about that.


Now I started talking about the tail more, and showing it to people. Instead of people giggling at me for wanting to be a mermaid, I got a ton of messages about how cool it is from people I didn't even know, and how much they admired me for going in public with it and not caring what people thought.


Do you realize that you really could ASTONISH yourself and others if you just did what you wanted without listening to what others thought? that you could make peoples days, and inspire them to do similar things? Why do we insist on constantly doing what society deems "normal"? Is it that strange and terrifying to step out of our shells and be who we really are?


One of my favorite books is by Jerry Spinelli, its called Stargirl. This has something to do with this post because Stargirl, the main character in the book, is who we would be if we didn't limit ourselves, if we were not afraid to push away society. So I'll close with this quote, and hope that maybe one day, you can find the courage to be yourself, fully.


"She laughed when there was no joke. She danced when there was no music.
She had no friends, yet she was the friendliest person in school.
In her answers in class, she often spoke of sea horses and stars, but she did not know what a football was...
She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to a corkboard like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew."