Guilt.

Mistakes happen to everyone. Big ones, little ones, inconsequential ones, huge ones. Most people, when they make their mistake with someone else, feel a little bit of guilt. or concern. Some people are eaten alive with guilt, some are barely bothered with it. It usually depends on the situation, and the people involved.

Almost a year ago, I made a mistake with a person. I led them on to believe something that wasn't true, then pulled away from them when they needed me most. Everyday I think about this, and the guilt still pulls at some strings in my stomach. Other people found out what I had done, they also heaped guilt on me, in little ways. Reminding me of it, pulling away from me, not trusting me, getting upset with me, ignoring me even. I felt I deserved this, because I had made a mistake, and I hurt someone I cared about, and respected.

This went on for some time, the guilt trips everywhere, the disapproving glances, the self-hate. I was completely miserable and everyone knew it, and I didn't think I deserved to ever feel happy again after the betrayal I had made. Wallowing in guilt and being unable to help the person, I felt that I was meant to go on like this for a long time.

That was not the case. There comes a point where you need to see things clearer. You messed up, you do what you can to fix it, and you try to move on. You don't hate yourself forever because you, being human, have erred and caused pain. You cannot let the guilt trips people push on you consume your life, the glares you get cannot be the only way you're seen. As a person, you deserve so much better than to cause yourself pain over something that is unchangeable.

When the people give me the looks a disapproval now, even a year later, You have to learn to look past it, to smile at them, and to show them that you aren't the mistake that was made. to show you've learned from it. That how you grow, and learn to deal.

love from hanhan =]