Bullying.

Okay, so I need to discuss something.

I used to know this group of girls when I was younger. When I was nicer, more trusting, more insecure and awkward. These girls seemed to find that being mean to me because I was homeschooled and awkward and actually did my best and tried, was funny. Anything I did, they'd point out in cruelest way, and I, not knowing what I did to them to make them dislike me, would go home crying. They'd make fun of me for that too. I was not a graceful transition from adorable child to acceptable teenager/young adult. I wasn't socially awkward, I was just nice to people, whether or not they liked me, whether or not they had any other friends.

My mom used to tell me that they were just jealous, or that they must have had a bad day, or something like that. She used to say I'd feel better and they'd be nice later. And I kept hoping they would. I tried every day, to be nice, give out more chances, not cry before I got in the car. But they'd always find something (My feet, my braces, my hair, my homeschool-ness, the fact that I wouldn't gossip, I liked books, whatever) or do something just to make me unhappy or uncomfortable. This happened several times a week, for 3 years. Three years I cried so much, and lost little pieces of myself to their teasing, pieces that were very hard to get back.

People always tell you, "It'll get better!", or "You'll learn how to deal with it!" Neither of these are true. Those people, those bullies, may never get better. And its not your job to learn how to deal with it. You just have to get through it, and keep being yourself. One day you'll leave them, as they fake their way through life, tearing down other people because they don't like themselves. You, on the other hand, will be so much better than that, because you'll do what makes you happy.

I saw some of these girls a few weeks ago for the first time in 4 years. I'm not as awkward now, I've become myself again. It was funny, at first they didn't even recognize me. When they did, the looks they shot me could have killed. But I didn't care, not at all.